My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Hey, All These Lyrics I Forgot...

Should all baking skills be forgot?
And never brought to mind?


Could all that schooling be for naught?

For all


For allll da-aang tiiime, my dear
For old brain wine!

La DAAAA da daaaaa da
something, something...


For bald hang(over) time!


Hey. You. Yes, you.


And you, too, lady.

Have fun tonight, guys, but please remember to always decorate responsibly.


Thanks to Anthony B., Lori D., Dimitra S., Cynthia P., & Jenny C. for helping us sing in the new yar.

« 9 Cakes To Cure That Hangover | Main | I've Got A Baaaad Feeling About This... »

Reader Comments (32)

Happy New Yars, Y'all!

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The last cake MUST be for a merry band of pirates! Arrr

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermiss paper

That last one makes me think of a pirate's New Year's greeting. "Happy New Yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

In the third cake down, is are the pink wine glasses filled with pig entrails?

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSW

The joke's on the people who pay for those things :P

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

That last one looks like it could work for Pirate day too!

Happy New Yars, Y'ar!

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoelle

First one...what the heck is it supposed to be?
Second one...they have no clocks in bakeries? How do the wreckerators know when their shift is over?
Third...brain wine. suppressing gag reflex.
Fourth...bald hang over. suppressing gag reflex.
The last one looks like someone came up and said, "Hey, you forgot a letter on that last word!" and the wreckerator looked and said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to put an S on the end! I can fix that."

Happy New Yar, CW!!!!!!!

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersandy

Is the first one supposed to be an overflowing mug?

I think Mr. Bloodshot is cute. Just a hair too tall for his container, perhaps. It's intended to look kind of terrible, and succeeds.

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

First Cake: I am so glad you found this cake. This is an example of a typical New Year’s Cake made many years ago by meandering bands of itinerant bakers who, hoping for better years, wandered the land peddling cakes to those without baking facilities or access to quality frosting. Unfortunately, to avoid purchasing their products, unscrupulous locals often arrested and imprisoned them until such a time as they made cakes for the entire village. (See: “The Social, Political and Economic Impact of Baseless Bakers and Conscripted Cakery,” by Parchment, Baggs and Tipps, 2012, Edible Press.) A true masterpiece of cake symbolism, rich in thought-provoking imagery for the New Year, yet timeless in its application and limitless in its inspiration: a drink to welcome in the New Year and wash down the old. But let’s look a little deeper. First, the pan. A boot? Really? Yes, but not just any boot: Santa’s boot. The year is over and we are done with Santa (nice guy that he is, though) and we are giving him a friendly “boot” to make way for the newness and hope of the Baby New Year. This theme is echoed by the rather overt, yet with a hint of subtleness, representation of both the male contributory part (lower right of cake) and the result of said part’s application: three “cupcakes” forming both the handle of the mug and the obvious evidence of impending motherhood. (Note: some have postulated that the three cupcakes symbolize girls or triplets, but in-depth research has not borne this out). (Also note: the greenish tint to the cake is symbolic of the fertility of Spring, a time of renewal and growth.) Yes, the New Year is filled with opportunity for newness, for growth and development; goals initiated and realized, giving birth to a new us. And note the greeting placed on the cake. Traditionally, these were made of birch bark, as a reminder that while the vision for the New Year is filled with wonderful growth, not everything will be “palatable,” and we will have to chew some things over. And finally, the little colorful dots – the secret (and sometimes not so secret) yearning of everyone, not only then, but also now, who wishes for something just a little bit extra in Life: I want sprinkles.

Happy New Year!

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

OMG, that clock thing has me in tears! That is one CRAZY clock!

And Mr. Hangover: if someone pooped on my head and stuck a ribbon in it, I'd be pissed, too.

mel, while I very much appreciate the detailed history of the first cake, especially of the lower projectile, I must point out that the handle has four cupcakes, not three. Which leads me to ask: what have you been drinking this early in the morning already? Are you celebrating early? Or did you just need some "help" so you could look at that monstrosity long enough to evaluate it?

Thanks to everyone here, especially Jen and John, for adding sprinkles to my life every day. Happy New Yaaaarrrrrrrrr, everyone!

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Ahh, mel, quite the theory to expound. I actually thought you might be going for an earlier citation: The thrice of sprinkles by Edible, Bettable and Bald (2009, Permanent Press). Today's post exemplifies the three main categories of multi-hued sprinklage, which are unicorn poop (Figure 3), flattened unicorn poop (Figure 5), and non-perel...non-paire...those hard round candy sprinkly thingies (fig.1).

To old land signs, my deers! *hic* Hey, it's midnight somewhere!

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

What a wonderful theory, Mel.

To everyone at Cakewrecks, in 2014 may you get all the sprinkles you want.

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJane

Happy New Year. Maybe I'll take up bad cake decorating. That first cake looks like a foot. I'm sure I could do something as good as that. Oh my that drunk hobo is kinda creeping me out.

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

@Zippy: Looking for "nonpareil"? You came to the right place!
New, from Merriam-Webster! You can have (for a few easy payments) your choice of:
a: an individual of unequaled excellence!
2: a small flat disk of chocolate covered with white sugar pellets!! OR
c: sugar in small pellets of various colors!!
Pick one, or pick them all! You can't go wrong with M-Web! Call NOW!

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

mel, you always come to the rescue! Thanks for explaining that first one.

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersandy

The last cake looks like it says Harry New Yars. Am I right?

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterC-Dawg

That bald hangover one's not all that bad actually, Quite creative. I like the icing shaped like hair and the whistle in the mouth.

Yeah, my New Year's Resolution is to find good things to say.

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMadison

Thank you for keeping us amused with all these cake disasters (some are WAY beyond wrecks)! I have to confess to singing my way through this one :-/ Happy New Year!!

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSal

I've heard of zombie cocktails, but...

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Happy New Yar to all my CW friends. Y'all are some of the bestest people in my computer! May new year bring us all health, wealth and happiness. Or just cakes. Lots of really badly decorated cakes for Jen, john(thoJ), Sharyn and all the CW Team to share with us.

@mel ~ Thanks for explaining that to us! My celebration can now begin!

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@TLC: you are correct. In my excitement of seeing this rarely seen cake, I double-checked it with one of my references, “The Illustrated Guide to Medieval and Early American Cock-eyed Cakery, Frosting Faux Pas, and Imaginary Images,” (anon., circa 1899, Edible Press, first edition, first printing…or as they say in the bakery business, first layer, first slice), and I was, unfortunately, looking at the book’s illustration when I made that comment. Originally, there were only three cupcakes, however, in later years a fourth was added as some people thought that three had either religious (Trinity) or satanic (three prongs of the Devil’s pitchfork) connotations, and they wanted to avoid any controversy. I will be celebrating later tonight in true Mid-west style (the world knows what a raucous group we are) with a slice of cranberry nut cake and some warm milk while I await the stroke of midnight to hang my 2014 calendar.

@Zippy: thank you for introducing me to that exciting new reference source! I’m not familiar with that book, but will be searching for it to add to my collection! It sounds highly informative and a real fun read! [Fun note, Zippy: I googled the title, and your comment came up…I never doubted you. :-)

@Jane: thank you…

@sandy: you’re welcome…it’s what I’m here for… 

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

@mel: Wow; that's a little complicated (read:"HUH?")! I don't know if I can wrap my head around it. ("It's beginning to feel a little Freudian in here--will someone please close the window?") My Dad loved Thoreau, and was always quoting his "Simplify, simplify!" I'm about as simple as one can get! This may be too deep for me, but it kind of makes me want to dance...while covered in sprinkles.

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

If Baby New Year (Happy) saw these cakes he wouldn't feel so bad about his ears!
Happy New Year everyone! Hope it's a great one for all of you & the only wrecks & disasters it holds in store are those displayed here on our beloved Cake Wrecks. :)

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMovieMom

@C-Dawg, I think those must be those pr things you here about these days.

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThor

First - thanks fer all the well-wishes.
2nd - why yer making fun o' me clock?

December 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDread Pirate Roberts

Happy New Year!! Makes me fear what the wreckerators have in store for us lol. I just know there will be a clown cake somewhere waiting for me..evil!

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

thanks. now I have the song stuck in my head.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

If Cake one is a tankard of beer(?) they should have put some cupcakes with white frosting at the top to represent froth. It would still look awful, but easier to identify, but then it would not fit in the packaging.

Happy New Year to you all from a rain swept England.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephen Barker

Look, I didn't even drink last night and I nearly lost my coffee at the first cake. Way to go Jen...

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDelphine

@Jodee: you are welcome! hope your celebration was a a great one!
@sendingtheclowns: sorry for the confusion; glad for the dance. I agree, simplify, simplify...and take nothing for granite...(a little Vermont humor there....)

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

"Old brain wine" KILLED me.

January 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRosemary

O.M.G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!r.f.y.l :):):):):):)

February 9, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternono

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