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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May242013

Summer "Lovin'"

I don't really keep up with you young whippersnappers' schedules, but going by the cakes coming in I'm guessing summer vacation is starting up. Soooo...

 

Hey, hoopy froods, school's is out for summer!!

You know what's awesome about summer, besides throwing all those pesky grammar rules to the wind?

 

Jumping into pools of cubed green Jell-O, that's what:

During the Winter Underlined book tour I actually had a whole Q-and-A session derailed by a discussion on the practice of combining Jell-O with cake. Apparently some of you weirdos do that.

[ducking and running for cover]


That's not all summer is known for, though. There's also the ice cream cones:

(Honestly not sure which parts of that are edible...but I'm hoping the answer is "none of it.")

 

And steaks on the grill:

YUM.

 

And hamburgers:

(I like how even the fake plastic ants won't touch those "french fries.")

 

And hot dog pancakes:

This looks like a job for... the Special Pancake Victims' Unit!

*DONK DONK*

 

And then, after all that food, you get to stuff yourself into a bathing suit:

I actually look exactly like this in a bikini, only paler*. And with more muffin tops. (HEYO.)

(*People tend to think Floridians are super tan, summer-loving sun-worshippers. Hee! SO CUTE.  No, we're the ones huddled inside with the AC blasting, laughing at all you crazy tourists are out there getting heat strokes. We also own more sweaters than the average Alaskan, because there is no place colder in the continental U.S. than inside a Florida public building during the month of June.)

And then of course there are the fun-loving hordes of ants...

I swear these things are solar-powered.

 

Not to mention the blistering heat...

...and family vacations where everyone's miserable except the organizer of said vacation, who is homicidally determined to have a good time...

[One of my most cherished Disney memories is of the family collapsed on a park bench, moaning, while the Dad stands before them, screaming, "We're not here to RELAX, we're here to HAVE FUN."

"I'm having fun! I'm having fun!"

 

Plus there's nothing good on TV, and the neighborhood kids wake you up at oh-HAIL-no-thirty with their shrill little screams of glee and stomping feet, and all the parks and shops are crowded, and, and...

Huh. How long 'til Fall, again?

 

Thanks to Tracey D., Adriane M., Sam H,, Kerry L., Lauralee L., Aj M., Jill V., Julie G., Kristin M., and Becky C. for making us realize just how much we need a vacation.

« Special Saturday Video: A Wreck Odd-To-See | Main | Graduated Layers »

Reader Comments (120)

After looking at the 'steak' 'cake', my husband asked, "What is it with women and vagina cakes?"

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterboymom

I live in the CA desert, and I hate summer too. I hate all the people (not really "hate", but, you know) who think CA is the place to be for vacation. It's not. It's miserably HOT and you can't go outside. Northeastern folks say things like, It's never too hot! and I say try going through menopause in the CA desert. I'd rather die than do that again.
And...jello and cake? Absolutely! My son's birthday is 2 days after Christmas and his birthday cake is (traditionally) a white layer cake with green jello in one layer and red in the other, frosted with kool whip. Really easy to make, and there weren't too many birthdays when he was growing up that went without cake. But not a summer thing. Definitely only a winter thing. (Also, I've never bought one.)

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

"there is no place colder in the continental U.S. than inside a Florida public building during the month of June"- LOL- completely agree! I work for the state right here in Orlando and this is always the case!

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Oh dear. I hope the jello-covered children at the pool party don't get attacked by the giant solar-powered ants!
Sounds like a late-night movie.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBB, Miami

~Everyone knew that whoever let the sadness of the wrecks overtake him would sink into the cake.
"Don't give in to the sadness, Elmo! You have to fight! You have to care!"~

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

I was impressed the steak or the grill didn't look like poo. Appetizing, not so much, but at least they didn't look like poo.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBluecastle

Also, swimming in green Jello makes your hair fall out.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

That Elmo cake looks like it came straight out of Hyperbole and a Half.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterInaya

@boymom - LOL! (but now I can't unsee it!)

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCC

Some of those are so bad it's funny :D

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

#4: Tongue on a grill.

It also seems to be trying to start a message. I'm making out the letters STU. I think that the correct completion would be: PID CAKE.

Or maybe the real message is, no licking the frosting. Or else.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHerakleios

Sung to "Summer Nights" from Grease (Thanks for the inspiration, Jen!)

Summer bakin', it's such a blast
Summer grammar leaves me aghast
Jello pool's gross as can be
"Ice cream cones" nauseate me

Summer cakes blow me away
'Cause oh, oh, something just ain't right

Well-a well-a well-a, EW!
At which store, at which store?
Ooh, that "steak's" gettin' charred
At which store, at which store?
Those french fries leave us scarred.

Hot dog pancakes give me a cramp
White cake needs a tanning lamp
Then the ants swarmed all around
Yellow frosting oozed to the ground

These cakes stun, summer's begun
'Cause, oh, oh, something just ain't right

Well-a well-a well-a EW
At which store, at which store?
Poor Elmo looks a fright
At which store, at which store?
Will he choose fight or flight?

Summer cakes, full of mistakes
'Cause oh, oh, something just ain't right

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

@zoomom - Neverending Story for the win!

@Inaya - I absolutely see that, too.

The 'grill' cake - To me, that looks like a REAL piece of meat.

Perhaps every bakery needs that one "gutter-minded" person in the store inspect their cakes. If they snigger, need to redo the cake.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

You can ALWAYS tell a true floridian because we are the ones who are pasty white, mostly because we have to work for a living and prefer to survive the heat inside wearing our summer sweaters. it's so cute when yankees think we LIVE outside in the summer, the ONLY time I am outside is when I am SPRINTING from my car A/C into my house with the A/C. I think the "ice cream cake" was out in the sun a tad to long.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Jo

"People tend to think Floridians are super tan, summer-loving sun-worshippers. Hee! SO CUTE. No, we're the ones huddled inside with the AC blasting, laughing at all you crazy tourists are out there getting heat strokes. We also own more sweaters than the average Alaskan, because there is no place colder in the continental U.S. than inside a Florida public building during the month of June."

TRUTH. I'm a Floridian who now lives in New England and I get this ALL THE TIME.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

@Jaime Jo and Jen: Your Floridian comments made me bust a gut. They are so dead-on. I lived in Florida for 33 of my 46 years. Everything you said is so true......down to the pasty whiteness and the ice-box feeling public buildings. In fact, I do recall that those public buildings were/are colder than the freezer sections in the grocery stores.

Thanks...no really...THANKS for the trip down memory lane and the trip received from viewing these cakes...except for those cones of poo.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChris

FYI The only state not part of the Continental United States of America is Hawaii :) You see Alaska (where I live) is connected to and is part of the continent of North America.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteralaskaquilter

@zoomom: "...swimming in green Jello makes your hair fall out." Well, THAT's a good thing to know--and just in time for Summer, too. But just for the record: Is lemon Jell-O safe? I'd like to use something where, if a guest were to pee in the pool, it won't show. And is there a flavor that makes your hair GROW? Or one that makes ugly bathing caps dissolve?(So many questions--so little time!) =^u.u^=

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I had to work in Miami for a few days in July some years back, and I can attest to how cold those public buildings are! Good grief, I have never been so cold in my life. And yes, my friend who I stayed with is a lifelong Floridian and would probably put your pasty whiteness to shame, Jen. We may be moving to Tampa, and I'm already knitting my husband extra wool socks for his future office!

Oh, the cakes? You said it best, Sharyn: EW.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Those unsupervised babies in the green jello look absolutely terrified. It reminds me of a twisted social experiment straight out of a sci-fi book.

Also, I would 100% not be surprised if that was my brother you overheard at Disney World.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

@boymom - first coffee splatter of the day on my keyboard thanks to you

@Sharyn - Spot on! (And I doubt I was the only one seeing the entire scene of that song from 'Grease', with Olivia Newton John and John Travolta singing it - as the 20-something year old teenagers they were - in my head. With sprinkles).

The 'blistering heat' cake, I can almost make out a mis-shapen 'Happy' on it.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCybrczch

I wouldn't put cubed Jello on a cake, but that cake where you poke holes in a baked cake and pour Jello over it is yummy!

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisasa

#4: It a Gril !!

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdutchgirl

1:Nothing says "Summer" like a nice, itchy bathing suit crafted out of fuzzy, cozy, yarn pom-poms. 2: Elmo! All I see is that episode of "Homicide: Life on the Street" where a guy is pinned between the platform and a subway train.And dies. =^e.e^=

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Nothing - and I do mean NOTHING - says "summer" like a uterus on the grill!

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I'm pretty sure that was my family in DisneyWorld. "Fun" was mandatory.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMK

My name is Jodee and I'm a pasty white Washingtonion. Not because it's so hot but because we have rain 350 days of the year. o.O Oh, and bridges that collapse on the freeway the night before you are leaving to take your mother to her final resting place in Idaho and you have to drive that said freeway to get there. Oh yeah, and I'm leaving after work on the beginning of a holiday weekend so traffic was going to suck anyway.
I think I would rather live in Florida... Can somebody bring me a cake?

@Sharyn ~ My boss came in as I was humming along! Oops!

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

"We also own more sweaters than the average Alaskan, because there is no place colder in the continental U.S. than inside a Florida public building during the month of June"

As a former Floridian (family still in the Tampa area) I can sure testify to the cold buildings. I don't understand why they have to be so cold when everyone has to bring a sweater! My aunt was picking on me for wearing a sweater because I now live in Colorado and she thought (even though SHE was wearing a sweater) that I should be able to take the cold.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

I thought you were going to say "because anything under 60 F is cold to us." It's definitely true of me.

Wow, what possesses someone to use green gelatin for their pool water? It makes me imagine that the pool chemicals didn't do their job.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

Oh, for the love of-----! Twice, now--TWICE(!!)--in ONE week(!!!)---I've seen phallic-seeming themes in the poor, innocent cakes. What is wrong with me?? There was that supposed bottle cake the other day, and now THIS. Yes, the CONES. The damn CONES! And don't EVEN try to tell me that I'm the ONLY dirty-minded woman on here.
=^-.<^=

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The jello cake made me realize that the carrot jockeys do get time off and then they get to slide into jello. After they remove their mohawks and don bathing suits, of course.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKate

I'm currently sitting in my office in Pensacola, FL wearing a sweater and wishing I had gloves.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDee

@sendingtheclowns ~ Nope, I saw it too O.O

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Ah yes! Summer time in the sun states! You have also successfully discribed all true southern Arizonans. Outside activities? HA! In 110-115 degree heat, I don't think so. Maaaaybe if you manage to venture out & return to the AC before 9 am. And public buildings are really nice for about the first 2 seconds right when you walk in the door. Then it's where's my down coat?! I have even taken to bringing a small blanket to the movie theater, which wouldn't sound bad if I were 85, but I'm 42! Also, yes, it IS a dry heat (thank goodness! Spend 2 weeks in Texas one June & have never been so grateful to return to our "dry" heat!) but then, so is an oven. Nothing like opening that door to have the heat hit you in the face like opening an oven. Which also feels fantastic for the first 2 seconds after you leave a public building. ;)

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMovieMom

@Jodee: I prefer "fish belly" white to pasty white. I have a sun allergy and we live in Colorado -- you know, the place with a mile less atmosphere? In summer, I'm the Queen of the Mole People -- we come out after 9:00 PM and scare small children.

I'll be thinking of you this weekend. How's the female offspring?

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

"There is no place colder in the continental U.S. than inside a Florida public building during the month of June"...except maybe inside a Southern Utah public building during the month of June. I'm pretty sure I need a jacket more often in June than in any other month of the year...and I thought I was the only one who was being frozen to death by AC.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmily C

It's true that it's really cold in Floridian buildings. I always thought that I should dress up in snow suit (the kind that you wear when skiing, or in heavy snowy weather) and show up at work to prove how cold it is in the building.....

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKiki

So many unappetizing ideas, so little time to run away screaming from them. Those so-called ice cream cones . . . That steak that looks like an ad for a new contraceptive device. . . . Mutant ants crawling on food. Maybe we could start a new weight-loss service with these? They'd kill anyone's desire for food.

But that pool cake. (Pause for shudder.) Green Jello with mutant albino children whose haircolor is "flesh", like their shiny skin. They are wailing in horror and agony because their skin is being devoured by the chemicals that turned the pool green. Makes me want to take my fork and jump right !

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

@Lisasa :

"... that cake where you poke holes in a baked cake and pour Jello over it is yummy!" Oh, but YES!! And try THIS: instead of Jell-O, try pouring just-mixed instant PUDDING over a cake that's been poked with holes.(My favorite is to use Coconut Cream pudding w/ white or yellow cake mix.) OUT of this WORLD, I tell you. =^u.u^=

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@Sharyn, Thanks! My girl was released from the hospital again...simply because they can't figure out why she's still having pain. So very frustrating! She see's a specialist next week so hopefully we'll find some answers or at least be headed in the right direction. She's going with me this weekend so that's good at least!

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@boymom....that was my first thought as well. Working in a medical field has me seeing anatomy in many unintentional places!

@inaya.... I thought the same thing!!

@jodee and allison... thoughts and prayers! I don't comment daily, but have been a silent stalker for years. Keep up good spirits as this too shall pass.

I haven't been on as much since they blocked this site at work. Where is Haiku Joy? I always enjoyed her contributions as well.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentershannon

What exactly are the sprinkles supposed to be on the ant cupcakes? Both alternatives I have thought of are creepy.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteraimee

@ Jodee: Why, thank you! I feel vindicated, and my dignity is restored.

=^u.u^=

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Wait...if people in Florida are COLD inside the air conditioned buildings and HOT outside, then when is it "nice"?

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

@MovieMom Yes, yes you nailed it!! Also one of the first things I noticed after I first moved to AZ - it's even hot at NIGHT!! I'd walk outside late at night and think, "You've got to be freakin' kidding me, there's no sun out!!"

As for the cakes, I tried to imagine eating any of them, but I just couldn't wrap my brain around that much technicolor frosting. (Not to mention a uterus that looks like it has an IUD placed in it.)

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

Re: fourth cake –

“Dr. Langdan, come here quickly. I think I’ve found something on this grill. I don’t know what it is…to me it’s mystery meat!’ shouted the doctor’s assistant, Bernt Sienna.

“Hmmm…. I love a mystery…and meat. Let’s see it,” said the cryptologist, walking over to the grill. “I see many mysterious clues around this mystery meat. See that white swirl? It could be a snake, but to my trained eye it is clearly the letter “s.”

“Oh, Dr. Langdan, you are so brilliant! Let me try. I see the letter “T,” exclaimed Bernt.

“I see some of my brilliance has rubbed off on you,” Dr. Langdan said proudly. “So what do we have?”

“Well,” continued Bernt, “the ‘s’ and ‘t’ are the first two letters of ‘stack.’ I’ve cracked the code and know exactly what it means. There is a world-wide conspiracy at work here! We must immediately go to… the International House of Pancakes!”

“That’s what they want you to think, Bernt,” the code breaker cautioned. “Do you remember how they tried to throw us off last time – those waxen looking men following us around…?”

“Yes, members of the infamous and highly secret cult, The Kandelobbra! They were truly wicked people!”

“We need to look closer at the grill. Sometimes there are patterns hidden in plain sight,” the doctor continued.

“Ahhh, how can they be hidden and be in plain sight?” queried Bernt.

“It’s complicated,” Dr. Langdon replied.

“Oh, like our relationship status on Facebook,” Bernt said.

“Let’s get back to unraveling the mystery…. If you peer closely at the grill grate, and turn your head to a 51 degree angle, and squint with your non-dominant eye, you can, if you are a highly trained and experienced cryptologist like I am, see that within the weave of the wires are the letters ‘E,” ‘A,’ and ‘K.’ I think our fiendish friends have left a steak on the grill!”

“That’s amazing, Dr. Langdan”, exclaimed Bernt.

“Alas, that’s just the first…and easiest part,” sighed the cryptologist. “I fear it will take a lot more study to decipher just what kind of steak this is…and discover our prime suspect.”

Excerpted from the new novel, “Dr. Langdan Gets Grilled,” by Dan Browned

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

You guys think you're pale? I live in Canada! We had snow this morning! No skin being exposed to sunlight around here! (Excessive use of exclamation points!!!)

@sendingtheclowns - I am not sure what might happen if you try swimming in other colours of Jello. Let me know when you try it, okay?

@Sharyn - Great song! (I now feel the need to find a DVD of Grease to watch this weekend.)

@Jodee - Oh, no! Like you needed a little more stress, right? I am continuing to pray. Keep us updated.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

@zoomom: GREAT! Cancelling my wax appointment and filling the tub with green Jell-O!

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

In comparison to the rest, the ice cream cone cake isn't that bad, although my mind also went impure places.

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJanna

Actually, I think the steak cake is the most recognizable 'grill' cake we've seen on this blog.

As to the color of my skin, well it's just dark enough that it doesn't qualify as 'porcelain' (which I think is beautiful), but white enough that my kids call me Glow Stick. PLUS, you can pretty much see every vein in my body, so I look a bit like a slab of blue cheese...did I mention I live in Southern California, the land of golden beach bodies? : - P

I wear sweaters all summer long because of the A/C in the office. Although, if the temperature dips below 75F, I feel a bit chilly.

Is nothing safe? You can't even get a non-wrecky PIE?! *sigh*

May 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

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