DONUT TEST ME, MAN

In honor of National Donut Day, I give you: 

13 Ways To Wreck a Perfectly Good Donut

(Because what are donuts, really, except small, holey cakes? That are deep-fried? I rest my case.)

1) Add poop:

2) Add poop with a worm crawling out of it:

3) Or a worm crawling out of... um... these things:

 

4) Put One Freaky Eye On It:

("I'm meeeel-ting!")

5) Put Four Freaky Teeth On It:

6) Make it angry:

7) Make it scary:

(Then tell kids it's the Easter Bunny.)

8) Make it confusing:

(Wha...?)

9) Glue a bunch together with frosting and call it a "donut cake."

(Hang on, what fresh abomination is this?)

10) Or stack them and call it a "wedding cake."

OY.

11) Misspell it:

S-U-A! S-U-A!

12) Or do this to it:

Ick.

13) Or, if all else fails, this:

"I'm sorry, but could I get a little more frosting on this? And maybe another waffle cone? With a cream pie on top? And some Gummi Bears? And one of those King Cakes? And then wrap it in a few dozen pancakes? Yeaaaah, that'd be greeeeeat."

Thanks to April R., Amy N., Susanna C., Ashley W., Aubrey L., Janet V., Sarah B., Malisa I., Jennifer S., Rachel K., Carol G., Sheriden C., & Rivit, and no, I won't make you one of those, because a girl's got to have standards. Plus I'm fresh out of King Cakes.