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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

New Year's Aftermath

Ok, team, we still have some New Year's cakes left over, so let's do a big push this week to get these things off the shelves!

Bob, just say yours is a butterfly:

A drunk, drunk butterfly.


Cathy, yours are blue snails:

Er... right?


And Sheryl, for once your crappy handwriting is going to work for us:

After all, how do we know there isn't a racing holiday somewhere called "Siess Xeors?"

(Which reminds me, Sheryl, we really need to talk about these "diamond rings" you keep making. Seriously.)


Brent, your cake... um... what is it?

Brent: "It is... [looking at cake]
"It is... [sniffing cake]

"It is green."

Thanks, Brent.


Well, Cindy, at least we can all agree your design is always in demand:

Just keep the kids away, k? We have a reputation to consider.


Thanks to Debby G., Catie C., Veronica F., Wendy T., & Teresa C. for not gushing too much over the little squirts.

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Reader Comments (49)

Reduce. Reuse. Recoil.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

OOOH! What happy, perky wittle penises!

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Butterfly? I could have sworn it was an octopus giving birth.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWorrierPrincess

OK, the first baker was thinking of a pink elephant, or maybe seeing one. The second was thinking of party squeakers, right? I wouldn't have guessed the diamond ring, but - OK. And the bottle. But that last one? What in the world could anyone possibly have meant that to be? (Apart from what they LOOK like. I don't suppose they meant that.)

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

My 7year old would totally believe that #2 was supposed to be cupcakes with Turbo the snail on them! ;-)

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

What is that really in the first cake? It looks like two Octopi mating to me.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

That last one must be Poodolph the Wangdeer. Erm, and friends.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Pleeeeease tell me the "It is green" joke is a V subtle reference to the episode of ST: TNG where Scotty is sucked into the future on board the Enterprise D and wants a drink of real alcohol from 10-forward, and all Data can find is a bottle of green stuff. If that's what you intended, YOU ROCK. (Also, I am a dork.)

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMoominmama

@Morag: If that's what engagement rings look like these days, then I am going to stay single the rest of my life. That is all.

@Moominmama: You are not a dork. You simply have good taste in TV shows. I remember that!

Last cake: Oh, look! It's that new breed of ostrich reindeer! How cute! And how. . . . erect!

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I believe that the last offering represents 50% of Santa's sleigh-pulling staff. It's the off-season, and inevitably, there have been lay-offs. Some of these magnificent creatures sometimes sell their trophy "racks" to make ends meet, knowing that they'll grow back in time for the next Christmas. In this case, something went horribly wrong.While they were happy to keep their antlers, they are now out of a job, because they won't be able to hear their names being called. Luckily, they've secured temp jobs as cake models. Let's wish them all the best, shall we? (Writing, semaphore, or signing accepted.) =^e.e^=

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That's it, I need a break from this website. I've came here every day since you were first on yahoo year's ago. But it's been too much.

I think the penis reindeer are cute.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

As usual, the commentary coupled with the "cakes" made my day. Thanks, Jen.
I think that "" reference is to the original series episode where they encounter beings from another galaxy that have taken human form, correct? They have these belt buckles that turn people into crumbly hexagons. Scotty attempts to 'stiumulate' one of them by getting them both really drunk. Or, it could be the ST:TNG episode. Either way -- geeky fun!

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Is the last one supposed to be 4 calling birds?

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJanessa


January 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

That is one of my favorite Star Trek: TNG quotes of all time. My family tends to randomly say that at strange times for no reason... ;)

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

@Laura ~ "Poodolph the Wangdeer" **snort** His friend is Poo Wang. :-)

Happy Siess Xeors friends!

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

First cake is obv a pink elephant - which one is said to see when suitably inebriated... Possibly based on the sequence from Dumbo paired with spilled vodka as a subtle cautionary cake. If it was a butterfly, with nostrils that size (don't think they have them in reality) it would have to be a long term cocaine abuser, which leads me to question whether that's icing lines around the edge...?
Now I'm worried that I can 'see' the elephant in this cake. Maybe I need to drink more...

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterUrgo

PS: The last cake - obviously meerkats in festive reindeer antler hats - you dirty-minded buggers! ;)

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterUrgo

Moominmama: *happy, bouncy clap* Yes!! That's where that's from! Read it and couldn't quite place the reference. (I would if I had clicked the link I'm sure)

The "diamond ring" cake looks like something you'd see on the video board at a sporting event.
"It's time for the curly ribbon race, brought to you by Party City! Who'll cross the finish line first? Red, blue, or yellow?"

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

Nope, Moominmama, I hope it's a not so subtle reference to ST: TOS! Scotty originally said it in the ep By Any Other Name.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVal

The Star Trek TNG "It's green" scene is an homage to a great Scotty scene from the Original Series episode "By Any Other Name."

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWill

Diamond ring? I thought toilet seat! Years ago, for Halloween wore all brown and a toiled seat around his neck - he was a turd. That's what I thought of.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterfrienddolls

The green thing resembles a severely misshapen cocktail olive.

I'll add my name to the list of those wondering what on earth #1 is supposed to be and who think the pink thing looks like octocoitus. But, what on earth is the red thing?! It looked like a kid's beach shovel toy, but then I noted the clear gell on it and kind of dripping in front of it. Then I wondered if it was a gynecological exam instrument I'm not familiar with. So many questions....

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Actually, the "It is green" reference from ST:TNG was a loving tribute to the Original Series episode in which Kirk's crew was introducing the enemy aliens to the pleasures of human existence... And Scotty and his "student" drank every potable alcoholic thing in stock, until all they had left was "something green". Which turned out to be the booze that put the both of them under the table. But Scotty went under last, thus proving human superiority.

Thus endeth the lesson ... from an Original Trekker. *g*

Once again, Cake Wrecks, you have uncovered a seldom seen dessertive description of a generally unknown event. I’m talking, of course, about the third cake, which you so accurately said depicts the game “Siess Xeors.” It is not a racing game, but a sport similar to quoits, but not quoit. It is pronounced “scissors.” The game was invented in small, isolated countries with too much time on their hands and no known source of income other than the usual capturing, training and sales of fleas to travelling flea circuses, and, of course pillaging. Pillaging was rarely done due to the occupational hazard which encompassed everyone from the first vocation: severe flea bites and the resultant ceaseless scratching.

The purpose of Siess Xeors was to provide a diversion from the constant itching/scratching cycle the permeated the village and provide some relief at the same time. To that end, while quoits originally involved a metal spike set in a bed of moist clay, Siess Xeors was played using a stake set in a large pit of mud mixed with gravel. [Note: hence the expression “stick-in-the-mud.”] To further aid in itch-relief, the game was played au natural. The large metal stake, called a hob, was in the center of the pit. [Note: the following is provided purely for those interested in etymology. Being somewhat crude folk, the men would often joke about the size of the hob, which was rather large, and the size of one another’s man-part. Sample expression: “Hey, Kref, don’t you wish your knob was the size of that hob? Bet you’d like a hob knob.” Kref, and others in his situation, often wished they could associate with a better class of folk, and thought, “The king wouldn’t ‘hob knob’ me. Be nice to be around him.” Thus the phrase “hobnob” evolved.]

Back to the game. The object of Siess Xeors is to place the disk, which the cake depicts, over the hob. Like quoits, the hob was placed some distance from the starting line. Unlike quoits, where the disk is thrown, in Siess Xeors the participant is blindfolded and must walk – if you do not walk you are disqualified – carefully down the field, disk held in his outstretch hands, and at some point leap forward and hope he places the disk over the hob. Points are scored only for correctly placed disks. In any event, the player ends up in the mud, and sliding through its course texture brings some relief from the itching. An obvious danger, of course, is the slight risk of impalement. However, given the severity of the itching, impalement paled in comparison.

Not much of a game of skill, Siess Xeors involved, as they say, sheer luck. Consequently, the ribbons awarded (depicted on the cake) were mostly irrelevant – blue for first place and yellow for second – except for the red ribbon, which was given to any player who had been impaled (actually, to their next of kin).

As the demand for trained fleas diminished, the need for Siess Xeors dried up. However, even today, its number one rule remains: do not run with Siess Xeors.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

the last one was almost a beautiful cake

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternyasha

Whoops, I misspelled "gel' above! Blame it on New Year's fatigue and eye strain from examining the pink thing too much. Finally I realized that the red thing was a glass, with booze spilling out. Honestly, I did not see that for the longest time!

My hat's off to @Laura too! *Snerk* Snort! Bwahhh!

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

@Jodi, I'm guessing that the clear gel is octolube. I wonder if she got the "diamond ring" before or after octocoitus. (Is that really what that thing is supposed to be??? It looks like someone tried to eat the middle of the ccc [ptooie] first.)

@Urgo, thank you. I now have another new euphemism: meerkats in party hats. Who knew that a blog about cake could be so educational?

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

Woohooo, "it is green" :) Love it :)

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

Strangely I think the last cake is cute.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

The line is at 2:15. A classic Star Trek moment.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLizzie!

If you had not stated it was a diamond ring - I never would have guessed it in a million years.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBetty

Loved the Star Trek: Next Generation reference. The first cake looked like an octopus.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

Ok, #1 is definitely a pink elephant. But what's with the shovel full of snot?

And the amout of dorky-ness in this comment thread has made my happy happen!

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterForgotten_Fey

Is that a cake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy
January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBob

Hoppy Seiss Xeors!

You are all correct about ST because the original post includes a YouTube link when it says "Thanks, Brent."

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

Brilliant reference on the green cake! I confess though, that since my tastes always ran to British comedy as well, I was also reminded of this charming little scene from Blackadder II

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZuzu

@mel ~ Thank you, kind sir, for bringing these little known facts to our attention! I'm in awe. Slightly disturbed, but mostly in awe.

I miss Haiku Joy, too!

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Hahahahaahahahaha mel, thank you!

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

It honestly took me a minute to figure out what the "snails" were. And I actually had to hover my mouse over the save file name to figure out the reindeer. I thought maybe it was mistletoe, but it had holly leaves. I was so confused. Long day at the computer at work today.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

That last one is what happens when Poo-Wangs and Schmoos mate.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Lmao.. I am dying just looking at the last one.

January 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Me too, Zuzu - finest green!

I must be slipping due to Christmas lethargy, but my mind didn't see anything other than poorly executed reindeer on that last cake...dear God, what's happening to me? Must push out images of sugar plums and elves and reinstate mind back in gutter......sugar plums, snigger...

January 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

OMG Mel, thanks for the hilarious 'history' lesson!

January 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusanD

I thought they were supposed to be brown peacocks, and couldn't figure out the why. If they're trying to be reindeer...I still don't understand.

Thank you for the green references - both TOS & TNG work for me. :)

January 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

@Jodee:'re welcome! There are so many little known facts out there, and as I make 'em up...errr...I mean discover them, I'm happy to share them! And, sorry you're disturbed..... :-)
@Degera: You're welcome! And thanks for the laughter....
@SusanD: My pleasure...but why is history in quotes...surely you don't doubt the authenticity of this...? Oh....

January 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Congrats on 1000 pages of Cake Wrecks, Team!

That green "champagne bottle" cake, though... Wow. Holy cow.

January 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEllie

Think that first one is supposed to be a pink elephant. You know, booze, pink elephants?
Sad how quick I figured that out. Three seconds, tops.

January 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

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