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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Apr232014

Where There's A Will

It's Talk Like Shakespeare Day!

So, instead of making Much Ado About Wrecking, we're just going to let the Bard himself insult the cakes.

 

"They lie deadly that tell you you have good faces."
- Coriolanus

 

"Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood."
- King Lear

 

"I shall laugh myself to death at this puppy-headed monster!"
- The Tempest

 

"Thy food is such
As hath been belch'd on by infected lungs."
- Pericles

 

"Thou lump of foul deformity!
Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes."
- Richard III

 

"I wonder that you will still be talking. Nobody marks you."
- Much Ado About Nothing

 

"A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; base, proud, shallow...

 

 

"...beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson...

 

"... glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave, one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch...

"... one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition."

- King Lear


Wow. Uh, thanks, Will. I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks to Elisabeth T., Kimberly L., Alexandra D., Mallie R., Amy P., Rebecca C., Jennifer S., Libby W., Alison, and Talley. Fair befall you!

*****

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Reader Comments (47)

When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,
For all the day they view things unrespected.
;(

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Love Shakespeare! Awesome post!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Shakespeare + Cakewrecks= major win. Thank you, my day is made!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterakathleen

It's not just "Talk Like Shakespeare Day" it's William Shakespeare's 450th birthday! Happy Birthday best writer ever in the English language!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

Out! Vile jelly!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

Ahhh Shakespeare-love or hate him, he had a way with the english language :D I could not have better insulted those cakes myslef.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Cakes most foully wreck'd
By demons purged from hell's depths:
I didst laugh my hose off!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

I'll quote Shakespeare on the next badly written, grammar error-laden paper I have to grade.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJessica H

Ohh... the puppy-headed monster!!!!
Brilliant post, well done!!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBlunina

What IS that pink / mauve thing with the single eyeball on top?? It looks like there was a perfectly fine cake underneath, but then this amorphous blob crawled on top - like the brain of Morbius claiming the cake for himself. But wouldn't he need a flag? Maybe that's what the licorice stick or the rolled wafer cookie is for... Seriously, what is that?

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAllegra

I am so majorly disturbed by that second cake I can't even come up with a clever comment.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

How oft the sight of means to do ill deeds makes ill deeds done!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

@akathleen -- I'm with you on that

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Bravo, Sharyn! Well done! Few know that the Bard was an early commenter on cake wrecks. In The Tempest, Prospero is really looking at a cake when he says, “The dire spectacle of the wreck…” And again, speaking to a class of apprentice decorators, he concluded, “Leave not a wreck behind.” But I think it is Anthony, in Julius Caesar, who sums up todays cakes: “If you have tears, prepare to shed them now….”

(Funny all that talk about Shakespeare has given me the urge to go have some bacon….)

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Thanks for that, it's true - Shakespeare did have words for everything - and as it's also St Georges Day, thank you for helping us in England celebrate!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda

I loveth this!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-with-an-e

I really wanted to participate in this theme with a witty quote from the Bard. Here's the best I can do, related to the cake wrecks of today and beyond...

"The evil that men do lives on after them;'

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Shakespeare + Cake Wrecks = EPIC WIN

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Not being a Shakespeare fan myself [ducks thrown wreckorator flotsam] I'm going to just go juvenile.

Scooby-Poopy-Poo!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

Scooby-Poo

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarla With A 'K'

It would really liven up the local Shakespeare Festival if they had a Cake Wrecks contest in conjunction with the plays. Great post, Sharyn!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Food for the soul, the brain . . . but not necessarily edible. Wonderful! You are my favorite site!!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTW

Excellent. Also, giggling @mel. Bacon. Hee.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMartha

You officially win the Internet :)

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRobibnikoff

Ah, the Bard really does say it best.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Cakespeare!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBriana

I'm famous again!! LOL.

To follow up with bassgirl's comment: "the good is oft interred with their bones". Fav quote!! :D

We should probably wish these cakewrecks were interred as well. :P

Elisabeth T.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

Totally thought that Scooby Doo photo was going to be a Hamlet quote, since he's the Great Dane.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPenni

Sharyn...I am in awe!!!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

i'm hearing all of the quotes as read by partrick stewart.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

So I was reading Heloise's comment aloud yesterday (at home) and I got to the part about the Goa'uld symbiote and my nephew came in saying "I heard that...what ARE you talking about" So I proceeded to show him, then I said "and you WONDER WHY I like this blog...I mean, Dr. Who, Stargate SG-1, Star Trek, LOTR, and ohmygosh-so-many-others and now the Bard HIMSELF references abound!!! You are truly my people...<sniffle>
Way to go Sharyn, another great guffaw induced for another cakey wrecky day.

You gals ROCK...you too John tHoJ

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

Aww, the pink Twinkle Star looks kind of terrified. I don't think he's a pandar at all. Or even a "worsted-stocking knave". What IS that, anyway--a bad dude who wears knitted socks? Might be some of Will's insults are a little outdated.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I saw a chicken butt on the 2rd one. Kinda like a baby butt cake but it's a chicken butt. You can even see the legs sticking out.

Yeah, I'm sick today **sniffle** why do you ask?

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Will needs to guest write more often!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

OMG was that Scooby Poo!!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSWilds

Bravo!! Most brilliantly played. :-)

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCookieD'oh

I guess the photo's url gives a hint to what the pink cake is... but I still cant figure it out..... http://www.cakewrecks.com/storage/amypic.ow.95thbdayhummingbirdzoom.jpg

it's a hummingbird? A hummingbird for someone's 95th BDay? please tell me what it is.. it looks like the creature from "Fiend without a face"

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBix Dugan

Thank you! I let my students insult me using a Shakespeare Insult generator. I will try to get away with sharing this at school. (If I fail I'll be able to comment daily again.)

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMary B

Does anyone else see a rooster shape in that orange blotch on #4?...just me?
Agree with others about #5...WTF is that thing?!

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

@Martha... :-)

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Well this has to be the funniest post I have read today lol. Keep up the good work! And I can't imagine who lets the wreckerators kill all these cakes.

April 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I know I'm one of like three people in the world who doesn't like Shakespeare, but these were friggin' awesome.
Actually, now I remember it, none of my friends in junior high/high school liked the Bard, either. I remember my sister's then-boyfriend hated Romeo and Juliet so much (as did we all) that he wrote a comic about going back in time to kill Shakespeare so he'd never write it, and teens everywhere wouldn't be subjected to its awfulness in English class. :P
Good times.

April 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

it looks like the creature from "Fiend without a face"

OH MY GOD BIX DUGAN YOU'VE SEEN FIEND WITHOUT A FACE. That honestly just made my day. A fellow Criterion connoisseur?

April 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

Why is the yellow cookie monster cake considered that much of a cakewreck? It looks ok technically, they just used the wrong color? Or maybe it is supposed to be the lovechild of cookie monster and bigbird? (or maybe it's just supposed to be big bird but they didn't dye the cookie yellow?)

April 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercowbert

Oh, well done Sharyn! Celebrated the Bard's birthday by giving out books for World Book Night.

April 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

I sense that I can be honest with you...
I'm primary caregiver for my 86 year old, hemi-paralyzed, more-than-slightly addled mother, and today, while I was helping her change her ... well... piss rag, she pee'd right on my hand. Not really a lot. But then a couple hours later I stumbled onto your blog and persevered, slogging through the greige-colored ruins because of the comments until I reached the '10 Scary Easter Cakes'. By the time I reached the Hu'lo Guv'nor! Bunny and its caption, well... it's been a long time since I laughed so hard the tears really rolled. As my last Thank You cake from Riesbeck's Bakery said, TEE! WHY.

April 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJackie Junior

I liked Scooby-Don't.

April 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuzySunshine

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