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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
May272014

Hush... Or Else

[whisper-singing]

Hush, little baby, don't boo-hoo
Mom's gonna buy you Winnie-the-Pooh

 

And if that Pooh bear just won't hug
Mama's gonna get you a smiley bug

 

If that bug should start to bite
Then Sully here will make it right:

 

But if that monster still won't do

Then oh no! Here comes Mickey the carnivorous sociopath again!

The End.

 

Today's post has been brought to you by the delightful bedtime storybook, Go the F**k to Sleep.
(Ok, not really, but it seemed appropriate.)

 

Thanks to Ashleigh S., Erika, Rebecca E., & Medusa for making sure the yolk's on Mickey. (Because I think those are eggs. Maybe. With... chocolate. I'm scared.)

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (59)

And baby never made another sound again.

Ever.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

AWWWWW! I used to sing that song to my daughter every night, because it was long (and I could make it longer) and I truly believed that if I kept singing one of us would eventually fall asleep. If only I had Mickey the Carnivorous Sociopath with which to threaten her. Now she's "grown" and getting ready for college and all she wants to do is sleep. Maybe I can use Mickey to wake her up!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

That Mickey will haunt my dreams tonight...

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMikuMiku

More scary dreams tonight for me after seeing that Mickey. Last night's one was about Bruce Springsteen coming over to our house for dinner after his concert, and everything I touched went wrong :-(

Anyway, here is a video of Go The F*** To Sleep read by the incomparable Samuel L Jackson. Well worth clicking on!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0T4pItXH6GU

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

SuBee, please report back after trying the Mickey out on your daughter!

Pooh Bear's piercing blue eyes make me think he could be Mickey's henchman. And, that bug's teeth made me laugh out loud at work.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

That Sully looks like Shrek in a Sully suit.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGrannyk

ROTFL!!!! I'll always hold those visions in my head when I sing that song to my great nephews and (soon to be) great niece. Nice matching song with cakes today, Jen!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

After sociopathic Mickey, Sully doesn't look so bad.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

it's like Animal dressed up as the Very Hungry Caterpillar!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

I shared these with my coworkers. Our productivity levels dropped slightly. So did the paper towel supply, cleaning up the coffee that they did a spit take with.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJim

I think Pooh spent too long in the spray-tan booth.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterElissa

Okay, the Winnie-The-Pooh looks creepily overly tan. But the Hungry Little Caterpillar YIKES!!

I may be the only one that thinks the Sully one is pretty cool.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarma

The Monsters Inc. cake is at least not nightmare fuel. I'd give it a C, maybe a C+.
But Mickey.... <shudder>

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWill

@Jim ~ First rule of Cakewrecks - Put the coffee/tea/water/juice down! I speak from experience o.O

Here I am, happily humming my way through the post, when BAM! Mickey the carnivorous sociopath shows up to star in tonight's nightmare. O.O What the frosting are those eyes made of? Seriously!?!?!?

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

To be fair, Sully is done really well! It just doesn't look like him. But, you know, the craftsmanship is good!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

That is one VERY Hungry Caterpillar. Very hungry indeed.

I'm trying not to think about the eyes on Mickey and Pooh Bear.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

And that's why Abram had a lifelong fear of caterpillars.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Constipated Pooh
on the loo
needs to poo.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Are those two eggs and a chili pepper on Mickey's face?

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTiss

I'm pretty sure Mickey's eyes are almond M&M's with the candy coating sucked off.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterimspiffier

Can't sleep mickey will eat me, can't sleep mickey will eat me, can't sleep... D: cakes that will give kids nightmares. Too bad, some seemed almost well done, but the teeth make a difference.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Are Mickey's eyeballs EGGS? Boiled eggs with pupils drawn on with Sharpie?

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Who knew the hungry caterpillar was so hungry because his natural diet is blood and everyone keeps giving him leaves. Though that does beg the question what kind of blood sucking butterfly does he become?!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Nautilus

This site is usually hilarious, never minding that Im not into the Xrated innuendo ones, but Im going to have to say that today's set is a definite 75% miss.

Now that Mickey, he's true Wreck material, and has earned his place, but the others really aren't that bad and shouldn't have qualified for CW.
When I saw the Monsters Inc picture I had to stop and think if this was Sunday for the sweets! Granted it isn't that great of a likeness, but everyone who saw it recognized it, and its not horrible or awful, its just not Michelangelo level of talent. For what it is, it's rather good, even if Sully's spots are a bit mold like, lol.
I'd give it a B, possibly B-.
The Pooh bear just looks like it was too warm when it was frosted, or perhaps thats icing instead of frosting, but it really isnt awful at all, and certainly not scary. It was just done from what appears to be a wilton cake mold. Those can come out WAY worse. It only scores low from lack of effort, it was probably iced in about 10 minutes.

The caterpillar one looks well done, no obvious flaws. Im guessing it probably wasn't supposed to look "cute and fluffy", the kid probably wanted it with teeth, and yet its still not overly scary, let alone nightmarish. It just makes you smile.

Must have been a slow CW day today. No worries, it happens.

[Editor's note- Ya know, we thought the cakes were a bit creepy. A caterpillar with pointy teeth for a child. Sully with a murderous stare. Not horrible. Not disastrous. Just trying to entertain you. But that's what we always try to do. It's just so... disheartening when we get torn down for trying to make you smile. Anyway, have a great day. -john (the hubby of Jen)]

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEdenSummer

I'm thinking Mickey's eyes may be ping pong balls. I'm also wondering if anyone else has noticed the fleshy appendage between Pooh's elbow and feet? Do I want to know what that is?

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

The children were nestled all scared in their beds while nightmares of Mickey Mouse danced in their heads.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

@Granny K--I thought the same thing. He's got Shrek's face!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterG

If any of you haven't, youtube Samuel L. Jackson reading Go the F*** to Sleep. It's epic.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Thank you Jen, john (thoJ) and the whole team (including my fellow commenters!) for doing what you do. You make me laugh, a lot, and sometimes scare the frosting out of me, often within the same post!

And THAT's all I'm gonna say about that!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

**I'll be in the bunker. With cake, if anyone would like to join me. :-)

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I hope that is only Pooh's STOMACH hanging out.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

Cake Wrecks; Putting the 'Ick' into Mickey

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDPL

Wow, EdenSummer. I absolutely disagree. I immediately saw 4 wrecks today. I guess that just shows that all this stuff is subjective, doesn't it? Since I know nothing about you other than your comment, I'll have to say I found it 75% wrong, and 100% condescending. No worries. It happens.

One thing I DO know: I would never, ever go on someone else's blog and tell them they're doing it wrong.

Cake Wrecks is my happy place. I'm thankful for it every day.


[Editor's note- Thanks, Do I. You seem nice. I like you. -john]

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDo I Sound Superior?

M-I-C -- See the scary wreck?

K-E-Y -- Why? Because he wants to EAT you!

L-O-U-S-Y.

@normajean, I thought those were pingpong balls too. And i didn't notice the fleshy appendage until you pointed it out. Now that's all I see! Except the eyes...those scary eyes.

I'll be in the bunker, eating cake with Jodee, writing poetry to John (THOJ) and the Cakewrecks gang, and trying not to think about scary eyes. And teeth. Those teeth'll GET you!!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I happen to personally know many one year olds who have, in the past, asked for intentionally creepy, very hungry caterpillars as well as a few overly-tanned moms who have requested overly tanned Winnie the Poohs on their children's behalf.
Life in the suburbs don'tcha know.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNotMe

Yipes, that Mickey made me jump! And poor Pooh...

@Jodi, I was trying to come up with something for the M-I-C song... you did it better and faster!

I will now back away from the computer slowly, and go back to today's fun and hopefully non-wrecky baking project (helping my son try to come up with a recipe for lembas). =-)

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

Well, Pooh was more brownish in the books. More of a poo color. I wonder if Disney didn't make the decision to yellow him up to avoid Pooh/poo jokes.

If I didn't know what Sully was supposed to look like, I would think that was a pretty good monster cake!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

I'm glad that Do I Sound Superior? commented appropriately on Eden Summers' comment, and a great deal more politely than I would have been. I love Cake Wrecks, and happily class it as my not-so-guilty pleasure. I can't tell you how many people I have told about it. Eden Summers - if you don't like it here, go play somewhere else and leave us be. Thanks awfully.

Jen and John (thoJ) - don't let the mean girl upset you. We love you!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

Thank you, Do I. Took the words right out of my mouth. And Jen and John (thoJ), carry on as you always do. You make my day, every day.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZeldabird

Do I is my new hero.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I think EdenSummer needs a song.

What you know about rocking a tan on a pooh bear?
What you knowing about scary catapillers?
I’m digging, I’m digging,I'm looking right at that blue thing
One man’s wreck, that’s another man’s sweet cake
Thank your granddad for donating those ping pong balls
Up shirt, cause right now, I’m up in here fearing
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
MICKEY's GOING TO EAT ME (shivers)

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

A mouse with cowlick.
A spray-tan Winnie the Ew.
I'll put down the fork.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I laughed so hard i scared the dog. Demented Mickey with boiled-egg eyes! Aaaaaah!
If you don't settle down RIGHT NOW, Mommy and Daddy will eat the cookie, and YOU will get the yellow golf balls. Tomorrow. In your lunchbox..
...Uh, to start with, Pooh looks a little, um, not-PG with those eyes and that...lump.
Everything with such sharp teeth! Well, kids like that.
But I don't think a kid's gonna Go the F**k to Sleep after seeing that Mickey last thing after dinner.
I know I won't.
...Yep, those are boiled eggs ::shiver::

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBlondie's Mom

Just read all the posts...
Hey! Don't gang up on Eden! I disagree with M/Summer, but everyone's entitled to their opinion. I think Jen and John can shrug it off.
So much harsh...
Gah! Mickey won't go away.....

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBlondie's Mom

Oh dear, the comedy police are patrolling again. Let's hope that person has a better day tomorrow. Meanwhile...

#1 Who knew the 100 Acre Wood was near Chernobyl. (Sorry if that offends)

#4 This illustrates perfectly the well-known expression, "you look like the mouse who swallowed a bratwurst lengthwise."

Theardare's tail is twitching...

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@Jodi-So I took my ipad, made sure the picture of Mickey the Carnivorous Sociopath filled the entire screen and began whacking my daughter with it and she still didn't want to get up.
THEN I read EdenSummer's comment to her and she jumped out of bed and started running around the house ranting and raving and using language I simply refuse to repeat here in my place of refuge. Anyway, now she's awake.
At least something good came of that comment!

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

The last one can't be Mickey. Maybe it's Rat Fink.

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMy Goodness

We love you guys! Epbot too. Please don't let the turkeys get you down.
Junebug and Topodr (I've got my husband reading you too and he won't miss your posts).

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJunebug

@Seabird: If you come up with a workable recipe, please share. I always figured it was something like hardtack (for durability and shelf life) but, judging by the characters' reaction to it, it's gotta be more toothsome than that. But sugar ferments.... So how? I guess it's elven baking power--wonder if they ever have Wrecks?

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

@EdenSummer - see the "What is a Wreck" definition in the sidebar: "A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons."

So it's all about the opinions of the Cake Wrecks team. You are, of course, welcome to have differing opinions, but it is their site, and they are kind enough to let us comment. It may be the anonymous internet but there are real people with real feelings on the other end so I try to play nicely.

When in doubt, I tend to (1) refer to the definition above and (2) wait to see what turns up the next day. After all, it might be that I'm just in the wrong mood to properly appreciate that day's post.

But mostly, I appreciate what Jen, John, and their helpers do for us because I think the web would be a sadder place without them.

As for my opinions today:

Tanning-Bed Pooh: I'm not thrilled with the shape of the cake pan, the frosting job is poor, the color is unfortunate, and those eyes are startling at best. Perhaps not a top-tier wreck, but still a wreck. If it were a home-made cake, I'd be less critical, but these are supposed to be professional jobs, and I'd be sorry if I'd paid for this Pooh.

The Extremely Ravenous Caterpillar: I love the book, but I never realized that the caterpillar was related to the Vermicious Knids and the wicked wolf (Happy to eat you, my dear!). I sort of doubt that a 1-year-old actually requested pointy teeth, but either way, he was probably mostly interested in making a mess with the frosting. @Shannon, I definitely see the resemblance to a certain Muppet...and I am amused.

Mike & Sully: not poorly made at all, but somehow failing to capture the large-monster-who-isn't-particularly-scary vibe of the original, not to mention his Berber carpet look (as opposed to Sully's more shag-like locks). The bug eyes and pointy teeth are rather creepy, and definitely reminiscent of Shrek. And then there's the size differential: it looks like Mike could fit in the palm of Sully's hand. Again, the kid (age 4?) probably didn't care, but given the price that the parents probably paid for this cake they might have expected a closer resemblance.

Hyperthyroid Spray-Tan Mickey: I'm just glad there's only a head; there's no telling what the rest of this critter's body might look like, but I'd rather not know.

Oh, and if you're not put off by strong language, you can buy the Audible version of Samuel L. Jackson's excellent (and unsurprisingly NSFW) reading using the Amazon link above too. :)

May 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

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