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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Aug112014

8 Wrecks To Bring the "Romance" 

It's "Resurrect Romance" week, so you know THAT means:

Time to bring sexy back! With cake!

[starting up peppy dance music]

HIT IT, JOHN!

Um. John. What are you doing. John. John.

Let's try that again.

HIT IT, JOHN!!

...no.

 

Now I'm getting uncomfortable.

 

Here, lemme take over.

Look, people, to really steam things up you've gotta be loving:

And maybe keep those pet names private.

 

Try telling your amore that tonight... IS THE NIGHT.

Only not in a murder-y way.

 

Some ladies like it if you buy them...

...THINGS. Buy them things. 0.o

 

It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, though. Sometimes just sharing a refreshing slice of watermelon can... uh...

...never mind.

 

Anyway, I'm sure we can agree that the important thing for love & romance is to be a beacon.

A sexy, sexy beacon.

("Happy Kattie?" I BET SHE IS.)

 

Thanks to Elizabeth L., Laura R., Anony M., Mallory V., Haley, Heather F., Jody M., & Jaime-Ann, who I'm reaaaaally hoping is a fan of our Pan-demonium post. Otherwise, AWKWARRRD.

*****

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Reader Comments (38)

George Gershwin loved romance AND cake.

I’ve got a cake for you Poopie pie,
Didn’t understand a storm was blowing by.
I never had the least notion, you’d want to throw it into the ocean.
Olaf? Sven?. What a pair!
Tonight's the night I'll show you just how much I "care."
Your "watermelon's" so great
So I have got a cake, my baby, for you…

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

O, my melon slice,
my beacon lights my undies.
Let's embrace, Poop-face.

http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2011/12/6/high-koos.html

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Sung to "Love Will Keep Us Together"

Cake, cake will keep us together
Think of cake, babe, whenever
Some tornadic winds come along, all hump day long
Don't mess around
Sorry, Olaf, that's wrong!
So STOP! [Stop] Poop face, we ALL love you
Stop [stop] Murder cake is not cool
Buy me a cake and more THINGS to keep us together

You, you belong to me now
Melon's not what I see. Wow.
"Be a beacon!" Don't run aground. That's so profound.
With cake like that I'm not Sneaking around
Just STOP [stop] 'cause cake makes me love you
STOP [stop] Keeps me thinking of you
Look in my heart and let cake keep us together
Whatever.

(Now excuse me. I need to see what words I can make from SETEC ASTRONOMY)

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Peen pan FTW.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Be a beacon....

Love the Sneakers reference

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelewen

"Oh my, Herr Doktor, Olaf must have an enormous Sven-schtucker."

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGeoff Casavant

Be a Beacon...give him ...help. OK, now everyone go watch "Sneakers".

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeloise

The "Happy Kattie" cake has an almost-invisible "Birthday" on the bottom red stripe. Or maybe it's "Barthday". Hard to tell.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCharlotteJaneBronteAusten

OMG. Seriously, these people need to stop trying to make penis cakes into other things. It's hilarious, but no.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

Today Jen's sweetie
John Flunks romance 101
Normally he's smooth.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

It's like a bowling pin. With goiters and blonde pigtails.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

A lost scene from “Romeo and Juliet”

(In a room in Juliet’s house, at dusk)

Juliet: O, Romeo, dear Romeo. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And when I close my eyes I see my dear Poopy Face.

Romeo (aside): Love! Ha! Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps
And she chooses to make googly eyes about craps!

Juliet: Why the poopy face, my dear?
Woulds’t that I compare thee to a summer's day?
But be filled with cheer, my love
For tonight is the night
The sheets run red with the proof of my love for you.

Romeo: Tonight’s the Night!
If I know you are coming I will bake a cake.

Juliet: But first, pray thee, a snack for you.
Whilst thou share in my melon, Romeo?
It is ripe and red, filled with the juices of my love for you.

Romeo: To eat or not to eat…that is never the question!
What’s in a name? A “melon” by any other name would taste as sweet,
And if watermelon be the food of love, eat on!

Juliet: What light shines through yonder window?

Romeo: ‘Tis naught but my Beacon of Love,
Standing proud and tall, a refuge for you, my love,
Bidding you safe passage to my heart.

Juliet: You make my heart flutter, my poopy face.
Let me be the water that surround you,
My channel deep and waiting for your vessel.

Romeo: ‘Twill be a joyous enjoining, my love,
And I shall introduce you to my seamen.

Juliet: And, O, my dear Romeo,
Do not forget to purchase that mongrel I like.

Romeo: Yes, my dear, I’ll buy Abby.
(Aside) And pray he is not like the other dog you had who
Would forever interrupt us as we kissed and mingled
On the balcony beneath the stars.
Why, ‘tis lucky I still had my voice for all the shouting,
“Out, out, damned Spot!”

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Yesterday was my and my darling spouse's 18th wedding anniversary (how time flies)--and it was quite romantic. He took me out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, we shared an ice-cream cone, and saw a non-animated movie (you parents of kids know how special that is).

Fortunately (by the looks of things) cake was not involved.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I LOVE how the "beacon" is aimed right at the "watermelon" (which, if it were in pink tones would greatly resemble a vjayjay)....Freudian Monday?

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

"I leave message here on service but you do not call."

Leave it to you to make a fabulous movie reference like that. :)

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLadybugFaerie

It looks like the 6 is vomiting snow. Cannot be unseen.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrasstax

Okay, you really got me with the Sneakers reference. I think I have to go watch it now. "Be a beacon?" "Give him head?" *dies*

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterL

Hey, that's the green-lipped mussel of love!

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterrolypolyducky

Mel, you've reached a new level of genius today.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Cake Wrecks, oh how I
love thee. Not as much as Kattie,
loves some umm... light house!

I'm still trying @Haiku Joy!

@mel ~ To bad we didn't know about this lost scene back in high school. It might have kept the class awake!

I needed this today.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

If this is the general result, then I vote we stop trying to resurrect romance and just let it go.

And what is with the mystical flying solo waves on the lighthouse cake?

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

That's it! I have to admit it! I thought it was a crush, but no, I'm in love with mel. Please don't tell my husband, although since I read him all the comments every day he's probably guessed, and please don't tell me if Mel is short for Melanie, that's one too many watermelons for me:) I adore all of the comments/commentors, and John (thoJ) you did well today, I'd have been uncomfortable too with the cakes today, they were a bit more than a handful;)

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

I thought at first glance the lighthouse was a three eyed clown. Scary.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Watch for the satly spray from that last won, especially if it gets in your eye. Ouch!

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenn in Tenn

mel, I loved it.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Oh, HOW did I miss the "Sneakers" reference until I read the comments?

@mel - Whoa. You could write for one of those bodice-ripper romance novels.

I think the wreckorator of Cake #5 ran out of room. I'm thinking it should say "Tonight is the Night...that Aunt Flo Visits!"

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

I'm pretty sure I can see @mel blushing from here.
@CBushLite ~ We have a fan club. Someone was supposed to be working on shirts.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

So, um, where can one buy one of those lighthouse-themed condom with flashlight tip? Asking for a friend.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

@Degera: Well, I don’t know about genius, but thank you…just havin’ some fun…

@Jodee: and generated a lot more English majors, who, with any luck at all, would become bakers who can spell…I’m sensing you’re having a little stress…if that’s so, I hope all is back to normal for you soon….and, laughter can lighten a heavy heart….

@CBushLite: ahhh…hi! May I speak to your husband for a minute? Thanks. Dear Mr. CBushLite. I think a word of explanation is in order. I just wanted to point out, as you no doubt already know, as you are an astute and intelligent man (after all, you did have the foresight to marry Mrs. CBushLite – that speaks for itself) there are many kinds of love. I know beyond a reasonable shadow of a doubt that what she is referring to is what the Greeks call “Philia,” which is a mental only type of feeling, one strictly of friendship, particularly among people WHO HAVE NEVER MET and share a mutual interest, like Cake Wrecks and humor. Thank you.
PS – mel is not short for Melanie, and hasn’t been since the operation. Kidding, kidding, kidding about the operation.

@Haiku Joy: Thank you so much for that kind comment! Know that I feel that way about all your posts – your command and use of the Haiku is nothing short of incredible and totally delightful. You brighten our days.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

I see your watermelon bo-jayjay and raise you one "spitting the seeds" innuendo.

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

1000 Internets to melspeare!

August 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

@SaraV:hahaha.....too funny....no, actually, I couldn't -- couldn't keep a straight face....
@Jodee: blushing indeed...yes, that brightness that you see is my face...not a light from a "lighthouse", as depicted above....

August 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

I cannot stop laughing hysterically at poor Kattie's cake. Woah. I probably shouldn't wonder where people find pans shaped this way. I just shouldn't try to guess either lmao.

August 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

The look on Marshmallow's face is my favorite part of the Frozen cake. Take a good long look at that expression and tell me it doesn't mirror the one you had when you saw Olaf and Sven in that... position.

Also, that camel is the most beautifully awful thing I've seen all day.

August 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

@Zippy: Wow! That's a lot...thanks.... :-)

August 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Jodee, nice use of the awkward pause!

August 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

You know, if that red cake was a joke between two closet Dexter fans I could understand it. As it is, well...maybe it's not a good idea to buy a romantic cake with a line from a fictional serial killer. Just saying.

August 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAri

Long time follower, 1st time poster. If I had my green tea latte, it would have squirted out my nose, I just laughed out loud so hard! Thanks, Mel for your amazing contribution. Well done--my English degree flopped a little before it went back to sleep. Love, love, love!

August 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercjshow

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