My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Bridal Terrors

A lot of brides like to give their bakers a photo of their dream wedding cake, in the hopes that they might, in fact, get a cake that looks at least vaguely similar.

However, as you long-time readers know, this can be a lot like asking Francois the painting ferret* to whip you up a quick Mona Lisa. Some of the colors might be right, but in the end it's probably gonna be covered in fur and little poo nuggets. (The painting, that is, not the cake.) (We hope.)

For example:

Amanda C. asked for this, only in white and with a C:

And, in the baker's defense...


...that is most definitely a C.


Jei gave this picture to the head "chef" at a "luxury" beach "resort":

And she got...this:


I can't decide which is classier: the oozing cake or those water bottles.

Do you think the bride had to spring for those?


Candice F. wanted this mushroom cake:


And her baker's interpretation?



Aw, those bakers: such fun guys.


Joanne and Elena wanted this stunner for their wedding:


And, to be fair, what they got did leave them stunned:


I would ask what happened to the flowers, but those squiggles have left me speechless.



And finally, Christie D. wanted her cake to look just like this, only with silver ribbon:
Pretty simple, right?


Well, here's an interesting factoid: did you know that "silver ribbon" can be translated as "duct tape"* in some bakeries? It's true. Here's proof:



That's "35 years of experience" right there.


So I'd hate to see what only two decades' worth would look like.


Thanks to brides Amanda C., Jei, Candice F., Joanne & Elena C., and Christie D. for making me feel better about my $80 Publix wedding cake.

*Note: Not actual duct tape. Duct tape is prettier.

*Update from john: Loyal Wrecky Henchperson Shannon S. sent in this helpful illustration:


Quick! Somebody give me a clever ferret pun!
(I love my job)





Way To Use Your Head!

Remember those helmet-shaped cookie cakes they rolled out for football season?

See, you can tell it's a helmet by the two tiny helmets stuck inside it.

Well, it turns out that football helmet cakes aren't quite as hot right now, what with football season being over and all. At least, I think it is. By which I mean: I have no idea. I mean, I suppose I could look it up or something, but that would require a modicum of effort, and who has the time when Modern Family's about to start?

So, let's just operate under the assumption that football season IS in fact over, and then we can move on, ok? Ok.

Now, with football season over...[warning glare]...bakeries have had to figure out what to do with all these helmet-shaped pans. 'Cuz Crocker knows, they certainly can't NOT use them.

(Hey, do you ever get the sense that I'm leading up to something?)

(Why? No reason. Just curious.)


Vomiting Cookie Monster.

[dusting off hands] My work here is done.

Or....IS IT?


Yep. Now that's a triple-header, right there.

Thanks to Adam S., Nicki L., & Krystal H., who still think the Avatar face was better. The spoil-sports.