Write 'Em, Cowboys!

Hey guys, it's time again for our Annual Texas Cowboy Poetry post!

(My apologies in advance to Texas, cowboys, and poetry in general.)

Ahem hem hem.

swirling poo vortex
moistly encircles my horse

keep it off the boots.

******

There once was a rodeo clown
The best of the whole bunch, hands down.

A real Texas Star

He's sure to go far

If he'd just stop horsing aroun'.

*****

Dangle the Dog's show had to close
The problem? Right under his nose.
Since it's hard to erase
the things on his face...

Now he just does puppet shows.

****

Kill.
Kill, kill, kill
KILL!
Killllllllllll....

Kill kill.

*********

And for our grand finale, we'd like you to know that John wrote the next one. That's right, JOHN DID IT. So it's not my or Sharyn's fault. We're just saying.

Take it away, John!

Once upon a morning dreary, while I sat there, drinking beery,
Thinkin' 'bout this girl I'd ogled at the game the night before.
How we went back to her trailer, thinkin' I was gonna... uh, regale her
Shame she fell into the baler, just below the hayloft door.
"Geez Louise!" I screamed in terror as her bits lay on the floor.
"Now she's boobs... and nothing more!"

Thanks to Jodee R., Erica D., Tug T., Samantha R., Kristen, Emily S., & Willow M. for helping John get that off his chest.

*****

P.S. I see you appreciate poetry. Might I recommend...?

I Could Pee On This, And Other Poems By Cats

This hardcover gift book costs less than $10 and will have your friends feline fine.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

The All-Male Wreck Review

[Note: Mildly risque jokes & images ahead. And one banana hammock.]

We all live in fear of an embarrassing photo popping up on Facebook, but it turns out there's an even WORSE place for those best-forgotten candids to turn up:

Your birthday cake.

(And, ok, yeah -  then on an internationally-known blog about bad cakes, but still.)

I used to think edible photos were the worst invention since the Steering Wheel Desk, but that was before I realized their true purpose:

Humiliating drunk guys who take their clothes off.

 Yep, edible images are the best thing to happen to passive-aggression since the Post-It note. How else can you get back at the guy who showed up early, drank all the Zima, and then passed out in your mom's favorite arm chair and peed himself?

Remember, revenge is a dish best served iced - and there is a lot of icing...IN CAKE.

I would comment on the misspellings, but it's hard to concentrate with big nipples staring you in the face.

Which I guess explains why employers block so much of the Internet at work, huh? 

(HEYO.)

 Of course, not all guys need alcohol to get a little frisky in front of the camera:

Must. Not. Make. "Horny." Joke...

And once you hit your ninety-something-th birthday, I know exactly what you want to see:

Not bad, not bad...but can we get some kind of a wild cat in here? And maybe a mullet?

Purrrfect.

I feel like we're straying off the drunken path, though. See, what we *really* need is something with a clown wig, a little Crisco, and a HUGE...

...oh. Rats.

Ok, never mind.

Thanks to Angie B., Kimberly E., Julie C., Christy M., Stacey H., Sarah T., Katherine M. & Aaron for the full Monte Crisco. It was delicious.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: