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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Sep092008

The Painted Cake Cometh


This cake is absolutely stunning - kind of like a sharp blow to the head. I know that I was forced to stare in stunned silence for a moment when I first saw it: the thought of eating that much Pepto-colored paint put me in cerebral lock down.

Still, if ever a herd of curly teal amoebas were to migrate across a shockingly pink desert, I imagine it would look something like this. (They even sent the little ones on ahead, see?) And I'm sure it can't be easy to get something edible to look so glossily non-edible, so props where they're due and all that.

But the plastic grad caps - why? No, seriously, for the love of all things cakey, why?

And I'm not going to even mention the spacing, except to say that someone should be staying after class again.

Hey, while your retinas are still smarting, check this action out:

Now, I don't know if it's because orange is my favorite color, or because those giant pillow-y swirls look so softly smooshable, but all I can think about when I look at this is how much I'd like to attack this bad boy face-first, T-Rex style. RawrMmmmmmmm.

Yep, nothing brings out the carnivore in me quite like sugary baked goods. (Oh, wait...)

Monday
Sep082008

I Think I've Just Been Punk'd

If you guys thought the first wedding disaster cake was bad, hold on to your pantaloons.

Alright, let's set the scene: here's what the bride asked for, only in all white with minor green accents.

Now, I would tell you to take a moment to prepare yourselves for the horror you're about to witness, but frankly no amount of time would be adequate. So just go ahead and scroll down now.


I'll give you a moment.

[whistling]

Back in your seat now? Good. Because believe it or not, there's more. Aw yeah.

1) The top tier still had the Springform pan under it.

2) The cake "base" is a metal sign.

3) I swear I am not making this up.

Ok, so the bottom levels are covered with a fondant lumpier than the Bearded Lady's thighs, and the top tier is the wrong shape and isn't even iced completely. I see all that, and yet you know what the funniest bit to me is? Those green lines up the sides, which I can only assume are attempts at "ribbons": not only are they as unlike ribbons as icing can possibly get, but they don't even line up! Somehow that last bit of lunacy just sends me over the edge.

(This post is also the first in a new category: Missed Marks. Because nothing is quite so wrecktastic as when you see what it was supposed to look like.)

Now like you, I'm sure, I was highly skeptical about this being a "professional" cake. However, the e-mail came from the bride herself, and she seemed outraged enough to be telling the truth. (Yes, a replacement cake was procured at the eleventh hour.) I can only assume the icing and generic tips in the photo were purchased to try and "fix" the cake after it was picked up. In fact, Vicky C., if you're reading this, you might want to chime in on the Comments section now, just to back me up here.

[crickets chirping]

Vicky? Er, Vicky, c'mon now, this isn't funny.

[crickets still chirping]

Seriously, Vicky: tell the people I'm telling the truth. Vicky? Er...Vicky?

Vicky?!?

UPDATE: YES!! Vicky the bride has spoken!!! Check the Comments section for her assurances of this cake's validity. (You'll have to scroll waaaay down; you guys are certainly letting your voices be heard on this one, aren't you?)