My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Series of Unfortunate Monograms

Who thought this was a good idea?

Or this?

(Never in my life have I so fervently hoped that a cake was chocolate.)

Or, Aunt Flo help us, this?

"So, when's the party?"

"At the end of the month."

Amy M., Jenna B., & Kim W., URQTs. At least, I like to think that you are. Not in a creepy way, of course, or like I know firsthand because I secretly stalk you or anything...that would just be weird. I mean, look, I'm just trying to give you a friendly compliment, in a completely platonic, non-stalker-esque kind of way, Ok? Ok. As you were.

- Related Wreckage: Can You Make a Freudian Slip in Icing?


Basket Case

John here with a wrecky collage of cakes which are “near and dear” to my heart: sports cakes.

I like to think one of the reasons Jen was first attracted to me (besides my devastating, Kiefer-Sutherland-before-he-got-too-skinny-on-24 good looks*, of course) is my natural affinity for sports. Sure, I don't like to watch them much, or talk about them, or really play any, but I am way more knowledgeable on the subject than Jen is. (Granted, Jen thinks 4D chess deserves its own Olympic category, so that's not saying much, but still...)

Anyway, I've been asked to shed a little testosterone-fueled light on some of these here basketball cakes. Here goes.

The first thing to know is that the ball is round. Like so:

(In the decorator's defense, it is really hard to make a round cake. It’s not like they make pans for that kind of thing.)

This baker solved the round problem with a classic "spinning rug of poo on a bed of scrapple" approach:

Then again, maybe it's not spinning so much as it is sprouting ear hair... which raises a bunch of other questions I won't get into right now.

(Oh, and this is probably a good place to mention that it’s never a good idea to change tips and/or Wreckerators mid-cake. Nobody likes mismatched balls.)

Next we have the ever popular basketball-flower-with-an-obligatory-face cake:

What’s with all the faces on balls anyway? Is there a rule that says that all round objects on a cake have to be looking at you?

And if so, what kind of occasion calls for a nauseous basketball, anyway?

"Ug, I think I'm about to dribble, if you catch my drift..."

At least this last one looks happy, if a bit demented.

Aaaand we’ve come full circle with the round thing again. Given that they're both dreaded CCCs *ptooie* , that's not much of a surprise.

So in conclusion, sports are an inspiring blah blah blah full of life lessons blah blah blah, funny joke that showcases my wit and charm... blah blah.

Jessica S., Hallie S., Tara M., Erin K., and Ann Marie W., try to contain yourselves, please; I'm happily married**.

- Related Wreckage: Have a Ball!

* Jen wrote that, not me. (I would have gone with a Matt Damon/Brad Pitt mash-up.)

**And by "happily" I mean "ecstatically overjoyed with every passing day" - er, did I get that right, Sweetie?