Halloween Tips

The big day is coming, people, so before you hit the streets to go trick-or-treating, here are some useful "guidelines" for having a safe and scream-worthy night:

Never accept rides from strangers.

Especially if you see fingers hanging out of the trunk.

 Wear reflective clothing:

Or just something so unbelievably hideous that people won't be able to NOT notice you. You know, like Crocs and a Speedo. (As a bonus: EVERYONE will want your picture!)

Watch out for roving gangs of lower-case Ms:

They're vicious this time of year. VICIOUS.

If you're trying to scare someone, don't yell "Boo!" It's not scary enough. 

Instead yell, "SCARY BOO!"

It also helps if you throw spiders at them.

Never assume you know what someone's costume is. 

 One person's Elvis is another's Dracula, and you really don't need that kind of awkwardness.

"I vant choo to stay off of my blue svade shoos! Muah! Ah! Ah!"

ALWAYS SAY "THANK YOU."

Even if they give you crap candy like generic lollipops and little bags of candy corn*:

*Actual candy we will be giving out on Halloween. Plus little boxes of Milk Duds. Y'all come by, y'hear?

And try to look grateful when you're saying "thank you," too -  not like this:

"This is my happy face."

Lastly, and mostly importantly...

BEWARE THE TOILET PAPER TERROR:

He also goes by "The Spirit of Gasses Past."

Thanks to Carly T.,  Leah K., Catherine S., Chryss A., Kris D., Chris B., Brianna M., Denil B., & Jennifer G. for really wiping the floor with these wrecks.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Royally Wrecked

Remember that cake with a perfectly drawn Gerber Baby on it that was supposed to be a Gerber daisy?

Yeah, I love that one.

So needless to say, my day has just been made by this "Princess Crown":

So. Not. Kidding.

And according to Anthony N., his sister Gia is actually terrified of clowns, so this "did not go over well." Awww. Poor Gia! Doesn't she know that Mr. Demon McFangs there just wants to play?

With her entrails?

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I don't know about you guys, but when I get something unexpected in the mail, I can't WAIT to open it.

Well, unless it's a bill. Or junk mail. Or suspiciously soggy*.

Anyway, the point is, I think it's basic human nature to want to know what's inside a mystery container. To explore! To learn! To find potential new sources of money/fame/candy! C'mon, it's the basic premise of birthday parties, Christmas, and that whole Pandora-and-her-box thing.

Case in point: if someone handed you a large padded envelope and asked you to "please put this on my cake," and you were, you know, someone who makes cakes, would you...

A) Open the envelope to see what your customer wants printed on the cake

OR

B) Scan the OUTSIDE of the envelope and print that on the cake?

Survey says...

The answer is "Crystal Image Big Prints" clear!

Many thanks to Monica S., who reports she got this gem of a response when she complained:

"You never told me to look in the envelope."

Anyone else suspect this baker gets a lot of wrapping paper for Christmas?

*"Suspiciously Soggy" should totally be a band name. Make this happen, people.

*****

P.S. That reminds me: I don't know how often you mail stuff, but shouldn't it be in a prettier envelope?

Designer Poly Mailers, 10X13, 30PK

So cute! And they cost less than $9 for 30, dang.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: