My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Barbie Hurl

In honor of Barbie Day, here are a few tips for making the "perfect" doll cake.


- This is totally acceptable for a Groom's Cake:

No, really. She's got panties on, so it's cool.


- When making a doll dress cake, go for icing colors every little girl loves:

Specifically, the colors of despair and gnawing ennui.


- If your doll needs a bodice, be sure to pipe something fashionable and delicate:


- And while you're at it, try to make the cake part look more like a skirt, and less like an alien egg devouring the prom queen in a B-rated horror movie.

"Oh, Trevor, why did we go skinny-dipping in that cemetery at midnight? WHYYYYY??"


- If dress cakes are too intimidating, remember there's always this option:

Just keep it classy, minions.

(Good grief, it's like that bottle of tequila has never seen a Barbie upchuck before. I mean, hello, personal space, Jose!)


Hey, remember that traumatizing tunnel scene in the original Willy Wonka?
Pretty sure this is the cake version:

There's no earthly way of knowing
How much flotsam they were throwing
There's no knowing where we're going
Or any sign the wrecks are slowing!

Oh wait, that's not really a tip, is it? Hmm. Ah, ok, I've got one:

- Don't do this.


I should warn you: this next tip features a Barbie cake that is not professionally made. I repeat, NOT professionally made. But as a public service, I feel I have to share it anyway.

- Never ask your drunk roommate to make you a Barbie cake:

"Let's light this candle, b**ches!!"

(It made me laugh. WHAT.)


But to go out on a professional note:

- Nobody put Barbie in a corner.

She'll just sit there. Waiting. And watching.

Right, that's it for me! Y'all sleep well tonight.


Thanks to Erica D., Stephanie H., Bridget B., Kristie S., Lori, Luise D., Criss N., & Sarah W. for both the wide-eyed nightmare fuel and ALL the sprinkles. ALL OF THEM.


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Sometimes when I'm bemoaning the fact that most cakes today are just plastic flotsam delivery vehicles...


Here's your cake, enjoy! Just don't try to eat that thing. Or that one. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. 

...Or that.


...I remember there's a REASON bakers rely so heavily on flotsam and toys:

Nemo? More like Ne-NO, am I right? 



I... I think this is supposed to be Spider-Man:

Hold me.


Now, see, this would have been perfect if the customer had actually ASKED for a zombie-fied Spongebob:

As it is, I'm pretty sure little Levi needs therapy now.


This Darth Vader cookie is so ridiculously pathetic that I actually kind of love it:

  (At least, I hope it's Vader. If not, then I'm never getting those thirty seconds of squinting back. Never EVER, you guys.)

Seriously, it's so bad I want to hug it. 

And I like how the baker just gave up on the other cookie cakes, like she was all, "YOU GET VADER OR YOU GET NOTHING."


And finally, let's end with a little mystery:



Please, you guys, I have to know.

It says "Where Kermet," so of course my first thought was Kermit the Frog. But it's blonde and has four eyes with a giant red clown nose. Or is the red thing its mouth? And why "Where Kermet?" Where Kermet what? Where he stores his wigs? Where he met his untimely demise? 

I went back to Holly J.'s original e-mail, seeking answers, and was delighted to find she'd included a few more angles of the mystery:


Well, THAT clears things ups, doesn't it? 0.o

 Hang on. Holly says she thinks this is... MISS PIGGY!? Really? I mean, I guess she must be right, but... How. HOW. How is this possible?

I will not rest until I have answers!

Or until I get tired. Or John gets back with our burritos.



Thanks to Sabrina, Kristen O., Sean K., Patrice D., Tori S., & Holly J. for pointing out today's character flaws. We know it's only because you care, guys.


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