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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Apr022014

Picture Perfect

The Good: You hired a fabulous wedding photographer.

The Bad: Not so much with the baker.

The Ugly:

This has to be the most beautiful photo of a Wreck I've ever seen. The fact that the photographer submitted it - along with tales of watching the baker catch the toppling cake with her bare, unwashed hands before serving it - only adds to the beauty. 

And really, what's a photographer tasked with making a wedding Wreck look good supposed to do? Well, after careful study, I've come up with a few options.

 

Option 1: Try an action shot in the background.

"Ok, bride, groom? You two stand behind the cake here. Now...reach for that wineglass!"

"Hmm, not quite enough action. Bride's dad? How about a running tackle?"

 

Option 2: Flowers

"We're gonna need another bunch for the middle tier, stat."

 

Option 3: Blend it with a busy background.

"Cake? What cake?"

 

Option 4: More flowers.

 

No, seriously. MORE FLOWERS.

Perfect.

You: But, Jen, those cakes look great!

Me: Exactly.

 

Option 5: When all else fails... PhotoShop

Take that Wreck from this...

...to this!

The irony, of course, is they'll pay more for the retouched photo than they did for the cake.

Oh, and to whoever starts a cake photo retouching service after reading this post: I want my cut.

 

Thanks to Wreckporters D Tyler Photography., Tiffany A., Jen A., Wendy T., Andrew Jordan Photography, Jennifer J., Jacq, Random, & Rebecca Z.

*****

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Tuesday
Apr012014

CAKE WREXXX!!

WARNING: Today's post is slightly less-than-safe for work, and probably not safe for kids.
(And there was much rejoicing.)

 

After nearly six years of finding new and creative euphemisms for poo, I think I've finally figured out what internet people really want.

"'Sup?"

And not JUST turkey wangs, either!

They also like a little of this:

 

And this:

 

And - oh yes - THIS:

Mmmm. Boxy.

 

So today marks another milestone in Cake Wrecks' history. Today, CW's hotter older sister site, Cake WreXXX.com, goes live. That's right, all the not-safe-for-work, do-you-see-what-I-see, mind-in-the-gutter hilarity of erotic - or unintentionally erotic - cakes gone awry now has a home of its very own.

Think you can handle it??

 

"HULK EXCITED!!"

Aren't we all, Hulk. Aren't we all.

 

So if you want to be terrified of the human body:

 

Or just swear off chocolate sprinkles for life:

 

Then GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!

That's right: CAMEL TOE DAY!!

 

So hide your kids, hide your wives, and head on over to CAKE WREXXX, where runny white icing is the new chocolate poo-swirl. [evil grin]

 

Thanks to Lauren A., Amanda L., Laura R., Jen H., Kristen M., Mark F., Alisha E., Jane A., & Shelby R. for the five-gallon drum of eye bleach I'm going to need to sort all these new submissions. [whimper]

*****

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