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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Mar082011

Deep Fried Thoughts

Today I thought we might celebrate "Marti Gras"


Or maybe even "Mardi Gra"

Whichever it is, I'm just psyched to know that both cakes are deep-fried.

Yessir, and that means it's time to PAPTY!!


With a deep-fried PAPTY cake!


Now, to enjoy your "papty" you're also going to need a bunch of deep-fried donuts cleverly disguised as deep-fried cupcakes disguised as...uh...whatever this is:

Mmmm. Deep-fried goodness.

Next you'll need to clarify that when you say something with Mardi Gras colors on it is ugly...

NOTE: This is ugly.

In a deep-fried kind of way.


...you are, indeed, "dissing" the Mardi Gras colors in general. In fact, you're dissing Mardi Gras, and its cultural origins, and every single person who has, does, or ever will celebrate it. Because, frankly - and I only tell you this because I care - you're kind of a bastard.

You'll also need a small plastic baby on the OUTSIDE of the pastry, because NO ONE bakes a small plastic baby INSIDE the cake, and only an IDIOT would say that anyone ever has.

Check it out: this donut still has its center!

Btw, I'm going to show you a funny cake now...

Tee-hee! Funny!

...but we're going to ignore that and focus instead on the cultural, economic, and quantum mechanical differences between "Cajuns" and "people who live in Louisiana." Because this is a humor blog, gosh dang it, and that is very, VERY relevant.

And finally, my friends, we're really going to need an Avatar cake with Mardi Gras masks on it.

Just 'cuz.


Theeeere we go.

Let the deep-fried PAPTY begin!

Many sprinkle-covered thanks to Amy S., Kathlyne B., Linda, Dora L., Berny B., Auntie N., Georgia F., & Samantha G., who all know better than to ever assume a humor blogger might be a) joking, b) sarcastic, and/or c) fully aware of the fact that most King Cakes are not deep-fried OR donuts and just thought it was funny and had no idea cake was suddenly such a serious business and don't mind this facial tic I just need to have a bit of a lie-down now if that's alright with you.

Monday
Mar072011

King Me

So there's this traditional Mardi Gras dessert called the King Cake, and it's, well...

Yeah. Like that.

Now, the fun part of the King Cake is that there's a baby in it.

Not a REAL baby, of course; that would be edible.



No, this is a tiny, plastic, inedible baby (a la carrot jockey) hidden inside the doughy goodness. The person who cracks a molar on said non-edible baby is King or Queen for the day, and traditionally is required to make next year's deep-fried baby fritter.

If that's you, then here's what you need to make a proper King Cake:

- (1) giant donut
- Melted white icing
- (1) ton each of gold, green, and purple sprinkles
- (1) baby, non-edible

As I'm sure you can imagine with an ingredient list like that, it's pretty much impossible to mess this up.

"Mardi Gras": French for "nutritional elegance."

Traditionally speaking, the King Cake is not the most pleasing thing to look at. In fact, if your King Cake is a hideous blob of slime and sprinkles, then, congratulations! You nailed it!

Of course, some bakers do try to hide the hideousness with beads, coins, and any other shiny objects they have lying around:

Cake? What cake? Ooooh, look! Shiiiiiiiny.

Others change the tradition all together:

"I dunno...if it isn't a giant, sugar-coated, deep-fried doughnut with a plastic trinket inside, it just starts to look a little ridiculous."

And, given our sue-happy world, bakers do have to make sure customers are aware of the non-edible baby choking hazard:

You have my attention.

Still, there's gotta be a better way to warn folks there's a non-edible baby baked into the cake, right? You know, something a little more self-explanatory? Something that just screams, hey, buddy, there's a non-edible baby in this cake!

That works.

Remember, the King Cake was originally created as a treat to enjoy before Lent, when many people give up their favorite foods or sweets for 40 days.


So this oughta hold you for the first week or two.

Thanks to Anony M., Brinn M., Brooke S., Marcia T., Chastity B., Kelley H., Brandon H., Lauren, & Kiki, who think Fat Tuesday just got a little skinnier.

UPDATE: Whatever you do, DO NOT venture into the comments today. Our EPCOT threat level is at RED, people. RED! Run away! Don't look back! And whatever you do, DO NOT SAY A KING CAKE IS DEEP-FRIED! OR CAJUN! OR TASTES BAD!

[Kermit flail] AAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!