Slights of the Season
December 17, 2012 This is my absolute favorite time of year to write for Cake Wrecks. That makes it hard, of course, when John is begging me to please just run some "best-of" posts so we can get a few days off to spend with family this week, but, c'mon. Like I'm supposed to just NOT post this Santa cake:
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My, Santa, what big scary eyes your mustache has.
Yes, those ARE plastic eyebrows, and they're upside down. But thank goodness the baker didn't have to pipe the eyes and mustache herself, because THIS is soooo much better. Reeeeally. (No, I mean really really. Do you see that "nose?" YIKES.)
And who says it's too early for Easter eggs?
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NOT ME!
(Actually, if you just think of this as a belly cake for a baby shower, except instead of a baby it's all Santa fat in there, then it's deeply, deeply disturbing.)
In fact, I love this next Christmas egg so much that I want to commission someone to make me a plush version of it. Then I'll put the plush in a box, and put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives? AHAHAHAHAA! I'll... hug him and squeeze him and call him George!
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It's brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT!!
Seriously, though, doesn't George looks like a snow-thug who's just lost a fist fight?
And we know he lost because - say it with me, now - BIG HEAD LITTLE ARMS!
This will never not make me laugh like a fool.
Hm. You know you've had a leeedle too much eggnog when you reference THREE separate cartoons for one wreck. Sorry. And to those of you who got all three references: the next glass is on me.
(No, I mean literally - eggnog also makes me clumsy.)
Sooo....
I don't really know how to get myself out of this literary hole I've just dug, so I'm going to try something SHOCKING.
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Yeah, B*TCH*S!
Granted, I don't know what hip new curse word this is, but I'm guessing it's roughly equivalent to rocking out with your chicken out.
Speaking of which...
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"Hey, baby, I got yer Christmas 'special' RIGHT HERE."
Oh, whoops. Sorry, Frosty; I, uh, didn't see you there.
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...and I think your nose fell off.
Maybe I should wrap this up before things get even more out of hand. So allow me to wish you ALL...
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...the best of luck in deciphering this.
Thanks to John, Denis S., Lizz, Sarah D., Alison L., Shell, & Laura P. for reminding us of the true meaning of sprinkles: to cover up spelling mistakes and bad handwriting.
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This year we're condensing our Charity Countdown into two charities: charity: water and Give Kids The World. Though I loved featuring 12 unique charities in our previous countdowns, it required a huge amount of work from three to four people over several weeks to set up each year, and for severely dwindling interest and participation. I'm hoping that by focusing on only two, we'll be able to make a larger impact as a group on these fantastic organizations.
Give Kids The World provides children with life-threatening illnesses and their families truly magical experiences at the Give Kids The World Village, a 70-acre Orlando resort specifically designed for children with special needs.
And thanks to charity:water and you readers, there are now several more village wells in Africa providing clean water to hundreds of people - and one of those wells has a sign that proudly credits "Cake Wreeks."
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And the only way that could possibly be more perfect is if there were even more of them. (Wells, I mean, not misspelled signs.)
So please consider taking a moment to give to these organizations, and to spread a little goodwill towards those in need this season.
Click here to give to Give Kids The World and here to give to charity:water.
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