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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Oct302009

Step One: Cut a Hole in the Pumpkin

I can't think of a more Wrecktastic harbinger of Halloween happiness than this guy:


Yep, Mr. Bonehead here suuure is happy. How happy, you ask? Happy enough to say, "Look, ma! No hands!"

Dorei, just tell the kids it's a levitation trick. Which really startles the pumpkin.

- Related Wreckage: Drew's Birthday Wish

Thursday
Oct292009

The Twilight Zone

Tonight I'm going to be doing a live author chat over on Twilight Moms, a website devoted to moms who enjoy astronomical chitchat.

Or maybe they have something to do with vampires. Hm. Come to think of it, that might explain a few things, actually...

Well, if I've learned anything from being a fangirl myself (though admittedly more of the sci-fi genre) it's that you always look for common ground when dealing with bloodthirsty devotees. That, and no sudden movements. So, Twi-hards, sink your teeth into THIS (while the rest of us casually stroll off in this direction):


As you can see, there are two crucial elements to most Twilight cakes:
1) edible photo paper, and
2) lots of black icing.

Unfortunately, black icing does tend to show how green the "black" ink in edible photos can be. But what can you do? Draw something?

Say, this is actually pretty good! And way to represent the big girls, baker; I'm tired of the skinny chick always getting the sparkly immortal. Even if she is impaling his arm with her big ol' man-hand.

Well, better get back to the formula, I suppose. Only, what's that you say? You want MORE black icing? Nooo problem:

Well that's gonna leave a mark stain. No, I don't know what the white swirly bits are supposed to be. And yes, it does look like a postage stamp. But let's not give anyone ideas, mmkay?

You know, for vampire-themed cakes these things have been awfully blood-free.

Ah, that's better. The oozing bell peppers really add something, too. Specifically, something that makes even less sense than writing "Forks Twilight" on a cake.

(Yes, I know that Forks is the name of the town in the story. That's hardly an explanation, though.)

As with all cakes, the most important thing to remember when ordering a Twilight design is that nothing beats a little forethought, balance, and beautifully scripted text:

Yep, nothing would have beat any of those right about now.

[Pro tip: if you're going to scratch guide lines into the icing, keep in mind that airbrushed icing is white underneath.]

And lastly, choosing the right text for your tribute cake is also key:

"What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy? What a stupid lamb! What a sick, masochistic lion."

Er.

Yeeeahh...so...

Happy Birthday!

Or would it make more sense as an anniversary cake? [evil grin]

I hate to admit it, Giselle P., Katelynn B., Emily S., Jennifer T., & Itzkeleen, but I think the first Twilight Wreck I posted still takes the cake. (Keeping in mind that only the professional cakes count, of course; there are tons of hilarious amateur jobs out there.)

- Related Wreckage: The Twilight of our Discontent