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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Aug112009

Buyer's Remorse

Well, ladies, you did it: You've said your vows, the birdseed has been thrown, and now you're ready to hit the reception, do a little Mambo #5 (sure that fad is over, but you like it, dang it), and celebrate with your very own Prince Charming.

[music swelling] I'm talking about the guy of your dreams, the man who swept you off your feet with his suave good looks, his impeccable taste, and his...ah...

[music screeching to a halt] ...closet alcoholism?

Yep, sorry to break it to you, girls, but some of you are going to learn a lot more about your new hubby than you wanted to at your wedding reception, all thanks to his grooms cake.

Like the fact that not only does he enjoy hunting - that you could deal with - but that he also believes plastering a photo of himself with his latest "kill" on a cake surrounded by real shotgun shells is wedding-appropriate.


[tears welling up] Aw, don't they look happy together? Mr. Romance here really knows the way to a girl's heart, doesn't he? (Through the ribcage with an M-16.)

You could also learn he has a mildly-alarming obsession with the show "Golden Girls":

(Note: that's supposed to be Sofia in his lap, not a twisted granny-version of a blow-up doll.)

And of course every bride finds this kind of humor absolutely hysterical on her wedding day:

Feel the love.

Serena M., Amanda, Christel P., & Morgan G., that grave cake could really make a person blue. At least his/her tongue, anyway.

- Related Wreckage: When Men Design Their Own Cakes

Monday
Aug102009

I Wanna Be a Wreck Star

Are you still preoccupied with 1985? (With Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, way before Nirvana...)

If so, then I'm sure you understand wanting an 80s pop star on your cake. Uh. Right?

For instance, how about the artist formerly - and now back to currently - known as Prince?

Yeah, he'd totally rock on a cake. Maybe for a birthday, bridal shower, or any nondescript "sexy" occasion, really.

[PHOTO REMOVED - Sorry, guys, turns out the cake wasn't a pro job. You'll just have to let your imagination run free in place of the actual Wreck.]

Great glaring gobs of guy-liner! I'm pretty sure those lips would make doves cry.
(Say, what kind of cake is this again? Oh, that's right: it's filled with [singing] "RAS-pberry puree...")

Hey, what's Demi Moore doing here?

Oh, sorry, Demi; that's Boy George. Well, I'm sure he'd be great on a cake, too.


Of course, I have been wrong before.

How about a photo cake? Do you have "Faith" that would look better?


Wham I'm not sure that "wham" is appropriate in front of every wham sentence. Wham what do you think? Wham am I right?

And finally, I have to end with what is most certainly NOT a Wreck, so don't even bother trying to find fault with it:

Yep, THAT, my friends, is a David-Bowie-from-Labyrinth cake, aka quite possibly the Coolest Birthday Cake Ever. This thing is up there with the Darth Vader Baby Shower cake in my book. (Well, not the actual book. The figurative one.) Not only does it feature the Goblin King himself, it ALSO says - and with correct quotation marks, even - "You Remind Me of the Babe."

What babe, you ask? Why, the babe with the power.

This cake has renewed my faith in both the airbrush and future generations, so kudos to Maddy's parents for giving her a proper education in all things awesome.

Jenny M., Brian K., Anony M., & Lonny S, you have no power over me.


Related Wreckage: Guess Who!

UPDATE: So apparently, every one of you has seen Purple Rain and can tell that the first cake is actually supposed to be Epco...urm, Morris Day. And it turns out you are correct. Go figure. I'll leave it to Jen to decide how to adjust the post but in the meantime Sexy Morris up there is still giving me the stink eye so I'm still calling wreck. And yes, *sigh* we know George Michael was part of Wham! -john