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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jul292010

It's Always the Quiet Ones

Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that you turned in some important paperwork to your boss or teacher, and on that paperwork you had doodled pictures of yourself wearing either a halo or devil horns, and a clown floating in the clouds above you, looking on.

Do you suppose your boss/teacher might then call you in for a little chat? You know, just to see how the ol' home life was going? Maybe see if you needed anything, support and/or prescription-wise?

Because, as you may have guessed, this really isn't a purely hypothetical question.

I don't know what's going on here, but I fear for the dog's future.

In fact, from the looks of things I'd say a few of these wreckerators are one more "That's Karl with a Q" away from a destructive binge that ends with them pole-vaulting the counter and riding the floor waxer out in a blaze of glory.

"Go ahead, punk. Tell me you want sprinkles again."

So here's an idea, bakeries: Why not hire a psychologist to come in every now and then, you know, just to browse through the cakes? That way, when something like this pops up:

He or she will know it's time to schedule another stress seminar.

Or even to stage some kind of intervention:

"I don't get it; all I asked for was a birthday cake!"

Or - and I'm just spit-balling here - maybe to alert the proper authorities:

Um. Yeeeeah. When dark oily shadow blobs start sweet talking the customers, I'd say another sexual harassment seminar might be in order.

Don't worry, Amy W., Katie M., Magic Girl, Krystal K., & Kate F.; I hear they serve cake at those.

Wednesday
Jul282010

Name That Wreck!

I grew up with friends named Shannyn, Jesica, Jaison, and Aiyrunn, so I'm used to spelling names all "modern" and "stupid-like." Still, this is getting ridiculous.

 

Maybe it's Russian?

 

Well, at least they spelled "Birlhday" right.

 

 

We really hope Uncle Boon likes his cake; it was a joint effort.

When you're weeding out the bad cakes, shouldn't this one be high on the list?
(And does anyone else have the munchies?)

 

 

Ah, finally, a cake that describes the cake's consistency AND the birthday girl's skin tone:

 

 

Still, it kinda pales in comparison with other cakes, doesn't it?

 

 

Do you think this cake contains nuts?

 

 

Because it certainly has the berries. (HEY-O!)

 

 

Meghan, Michelle R., Matt A., and John C., I'm glad you all have pretty standard names, since now I have to have our intern, Gaffudga Selph (she's French), send out an apology for my insulting all of the Aiyrunns out there.

 

 

 

UPDATE: From the desk of Ms. G. Selph:


Dear Reader,

 

Please note that the authors and employees of Cake Wrecks™ and all of its subsidiaries, including but not limited to Cake Wrecks Footwear™ and Cake Wrecks Plumbing and Air Conditioning™, in no way mean to imply or construe that any or all names used in today's post are in any way, shape, or form "stupid-like." (Even those that are.) We apologize for any confusion.  

Sincerely,

Gaffudga Selph