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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jul212010

The Abbreviation Sensation Sweeping the Nation

I guess it started innocently enough.

When your "Yay Jesus" crowds out the rest of the text, you cut a few corners on the "birthday" to cram it all in. Ok, fine. I get it.

The problem started when some wreckerator somewhere looked at that and thought, "Hey, that saves me four whole letters! I should write it that way ALL the time!"

And so...[dramatically steepling fingers]...it began.

First a dash was added, to make it seem more respectable:

It's an unwritten rule in baking that you can butcher a name as much as you like, so long as it's followed by a question mark.

Then they ditched the 'B':


Next, the "day":

The first 28 were delicious.

And finally, inevitably, we arrived at...this.


One can only hope they were charging by the letter.

Can it get any worse, you ask?

Oh, please. You know better than to ask that by now, don't you? [smirk]

It's like a code. Am I wishing you a happy birthday? Maybe, maybe not. I might be wishing you a Herniated Bowels day. Because, yeah, I do that sometimes.

And yet, shockingly, we still haven't gotten to the worst part of this whole abbreviation craze.

Think with me for a moment: are there any holidays out there that might not do well in an abbreviated form? Any at all? C'mon. Think about it.

Give up?

Oh, good. I'm positively itching to show you this last photo.

It's a Valentine's Day cake. Scout's honor.

Thanks, Erin C., Aimee P., Michelle W., Angela C., Darnell, Elizabeth, & Chris. Y'all are hunk a' hunks of burnin' love in my book.

Tuesday
Jul202010

The Number Won

Hey, guys! Number 1 here, and it's my birthday!! I am so excited to have my first birthday as a Cake Wrecks writer. What wreckiness will I get to witness FIRST HAND this year?!? I can't wait. I keep imagining Jen ordering me a cake with some sort of numerical wreckery like "Numbered One," "1 Number," "1# One," "Nummer Won," or "Numb Are Want in pink icing." So in that spirit, here are some other Wrecks whose days are numbered.

 

Maybe it's celebrating Mr. Big's 13th episode of "Sex in the City?"

 

Yeah...probably not.
(Next to "Big," it should read, "off-center.")

 

 

At least they wrote a big "13" though. It would have been doubly wreckalicious if they wrote it all tiny-like...

 

...which brings me to:

 

In this case, "Giant 57" = "Giant empty space and 57 rainbow sperm."

 

 

A very merry unbirthday to this guy:

Hey, who's counting?

 

 

Here's how Kelly got a brand new nickname:

(Give it a minute.)

 

It could be an inspirational cake, though, if you just tweak the punctuation:

"Asbigas, you can make it! 30! Happy Birthday."

See?


There's really no excuse, Ricki M., Jane R., Callie B., and Kelly (A.K.A. Asbigas.) These cakes are a giant number #2! With pink stars. And frosting flowers under neat.

 

UPDATE: I got my wish!! Here are the cake mounds Jen and John got me for my birthday:*

 

*Carrot jockey not included.

They were pretty awesomely wrecky (note the "#1") but MAN, did they taste good. Jen and I were kinda bummed that they removed the cupcake wrapper before frosting them; that would have made a perfect wreck! Thanks again, guys!