My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Party Like It's 1999

Well, it's New Year's Eve, and that means you've got two things on the brain right now: dieting and booze. Since it's somewhat difficult to find cakes celebrating diets (which is really a shame; I'm holding out for the "all cakey carbs" diet) let me see what kind of alcohol-themed stuff I can dig up for you.

Ok, here's a dreaded CCC (cupcake cake) for the martini lover: definitely shaken, not stirred.

Uh, this looks more like a bottle of hair tonic than alcohol. (Not that I've ever *seen* a bottle of hair tonic, of course; I just imagine it would look like this.) Sorry, I'll keep looking.

Hm. Well, John and I are still debating just what the heck this is, but I think it might be an exploding champagne bottle. (John sees one of those holiday crackers that you pull open.) The one thing we both agree on is that it's butt-ugly. [evil grin]

Moving on...

Very, uh, "creative". Can you picture the conversation that led to this cake order?

"We need a cake for Bob."
"Ok, what does he like?"

I have a friend who used to drink orange juice with his chocolate cake, but I'm pretty sure even he would agree that drinking beer with cake is just wrong. Blech.

And while we're on the subject, let me wrap up with a little PSA: folks, tonight when you're out partying, please think of others. Please, don't drink and decorate. Don't let this happen to you or someone you love:

[shaking head sadly] Granted, it was considerate of the wreckerator to provide little bottles of "blur vision"for those unfortunate souls who will have to EAT the cake, but that hardly excuses the drunken airbrush weaving, the gold and purple shoelaces, or the [closing eyes] margarita candles. Not to mention the mystery foam, construction-paper lettering, or bizarre green-striped chocolate "ladies". Yikes. So remember: this New Year don't get mad, get C.L.A.D.D. (Cake Lovers Against Drunk Decorating).

By the by, I verified that this was indeed listed on a "professional" bakery's website. A website which, oddly enough, is no longer operational. Go fig.

Hey Jason T., Lynn B., Corianna L.,Kati B., and Marnie P.: if you didn't come to party, don't bother knockin' on my door.

« Wasted Cakes | Main | Why You Don't Raid Other People's Refrigerators »

Reader Comments (137)

I think that orange one is a bomb. Not da bomb..a bomb

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah Godin

I'm thinking the white on top is another female form?? The whole cake is a bit confusing for me.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

On the last cake, is the "white foam" a lady or am I seeing something totally different?

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't think that's mystery foam - I think it's a white chocolate naked lady laying on her back with one leg dangling over the side of the cake. Am I crazy or does anyone else see it?


December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"mystery foam" = lounging naked lady (white chocolate mold?)

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCal

I think that mystery foam is in fact, another naked lady.

Sigh... I think I need a drink

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterResa

I hate to say this but the "Mystery Foam" on the last cake is also in the shape of a... uh... lady (using that term loosely... heh... loose lady... I made a funny!).


December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterStressfactor

Did Cake Wrecks actually BRING DOWN a professional cake decorator's website? Because that would be awesome. Name 'em, shame 'em, close 'em down!

Happy 2009 to all Cake Wrecks lovers!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRaisin'Cookies

Hi. Regarding that "mystery foam", I think if you look closely you'll begin to see what is (I think) the form of a woman, reclining, with one leg draped over the side of the cake, the other with knee bent (as if that foot were resting upon the edge of the cake). And then there are the two round "projections". Need I describe what they might be? "But," you say, "what about the head?" Well, apparently, that seems to have melted, or got bashed in by an errant finger. That someone actually had the cajones to publish this photo on their website speaks volumes about not only their talent but (more important) their taste. Hideous. Truly, deeply, painfully hideous.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJohn

I think the second one was most likely a very special order for a jug band party...

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLogical Libby

No beer with cake? Whaaaaa?

You clearly just haven't been introduced to the right beer. Certainly, serving Budweiser with cake would be filthy. But there are any number of chocolate/coffee based stouts and porters which would do a good job.

Dogfish Head, a smallish brewery based in Delaware, sells a barley wine which would probably go fabulously well with the right kind of cake.

It's just a matter of finding a drink rich enough to go with a food like cake.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermorkus

Hey - I don't think the cooler is all that bad (well, maybe if an amateur made it). It even has condensation!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered

Cupcakes decorated to look like cocktail olives. How, um, appetizing.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMalibu Niki

I must admit, as far as CCC's go, the martini glass really isn't that bad. In fact it's kind of cute.

Wait, what are you doing?! Don't take my Cakewreck Lover license away! No! Noooo!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

Ok so what the heck is number 3??? I just cant figure it out either....maybe its a firework??
it is so ugly its crazy.


December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVashti

The "mystery foam" is actually a lady in repose. Her legs are hanging over the edge of the top cake.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Annnnd the 'foam' on top appears to be a reclining, naked woman.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The first one is actually kind of cute!

Should I hang up my Wreckerator badge now?

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAfuna

Well, the "martini" might have looked decent with only 1 olive....

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

The "mystery foam" on that last one appears to be another "lady"--albeit one with some anatomical issues.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterj

While the beer cake was definitely wierd, I think it was put together really well! Looks good! (on the surface anyway!)

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

The "foam" is a white chocolate "lady" in repose...

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBethNoir

I think the mystery foam on top is a chick. I see a leg dangling down the cake, another propped up and I think you might have missed the opportunity for a black bar where her boobies are. Although, it did take a few minutes for me to see that, so it might not exist...

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKelli (and Brad)

That's not mystery foam, that's a white-chocolate naked lady!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiddle Aged Woman

That last one is likely to only get eaten AFTER the celebrations are over, you need something, anything to get you going and you can't see straight.
Also, everything else in the room will look just like this by now so it will look much more appealing....unlike now where it just looks like throw up.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

I'm with you - the "champagne bottle" is just awful! As is the purple cake at the end - please tell me no one actually ate that! :)

Uh... sadly I don't think that is "mystery foam"... unless my 9-month-pregnant-brain is making up for something by seeing inappropriate shapes... I *believe* that is a misshapen naked chick with one knee up and head thrown back. (Now I kind of want it to go back to being mystery foam!)

PS - love this blog...

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterpixiepants

Ever drank a Guinness with a slice of Guinness cake?

I think that is the one exception to the rule that beer and cake do not go together. I wouldn't have believed it...but there is something about the barely sweetened icing, the richness of the cake, and that beer that really works.

Also, I love the martini CCC.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterknittinandnoodlin

I'm with John on the identification of the mysterious cake.

happy new year to all of you .

Still 8 hours left for me

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMella

Good God, you make me laugh everyday! The last one was hilarious! I can't imagine why they weren't successful. Maybe they needed to have a location closer to one of the trailer parks I grew up in. Location, location, location...

I have forwarded your sight on to my friends and family. I have them all on the hunt for a wreck to send in.

I might have a few of my own if I took


December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmyAnne

I have to agree that the CCC looks better than most. At least the shape lends its self to olives and the piping looks like it was done with love.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love that the "Celebrate" bottle looks less like champagne and more like a moonshine jug. Perfect for a Redneck New Year's party.

A Christmas Craker or champagne? I thought it was a pineapple.

So, was the last cake for a strip club?

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

all cakey carbs" diet

Carrot Cake IS a complete and balanced diet

carrot veg
raisin fruit
butter fat
cream cheese frosting dairy
walnuts legumes
flour grains

What is not to love??

babies optional

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterUpupaepops

Oh, yeah...that foam on top is definitely a female form in seductive pose...

Hair tonic? I thought it was a dreidel.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I bet she is made of white chocolate, but who wants a piece?

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

I like for my food to resemble something edible and it's preferred that it be visually appealing. Those creations are very much a WTF?

word verf: funtede - the promise that fun will be guaranteed. You'll love partying with us here at Purple Haze, you have our FunTede!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFeisty Irish Wench

I think number 3 is a pineapple?!?

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaggin

Um...I think I kinda like that beer cake, too...something about it is kind of impressive...well done in its own weird way!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The orange cake looks like a blast-ended skrewt to me.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDoc

Happy New Year Jen!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer Foster

I agree with one of the earlier commenters...the martini wouldn't be as bad with just one olive.

The last one, though...ugh. C'mon to the party palace! Throw up before you start drinking!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLexi

Jeeze guys, haven't ya ever had beer cake? Or is this some sort of redneck tradition? Well, ok, I've never made beer cake with bud. But trust me when I say that generally speaking beer cake is quite deeeeeelicious.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAgatha

I saw a holiday cracker in that orange and poiple mess. I could be convinced it is exploding champagne.

As for the strip club cake? Suitably tacky for the venue?

VW: strina - as in I'll need some Li-strina after tasting any of those cakes!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Ha, these are GREAT! And yeah, I think that is a woman on top of that hideous cake :-)

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone...have lots of booze and cake and BE SAFE ;-)

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Happy New Year everyone! While I'm glad we're shutting the door on 2008, I'll always be grateful to it for bringing me CAKE WRECKS!!!!

Remember, friends don't let friends decorate cakes after consuming great quantities of least, not without taking pictures of it afterwards...

Here's to a fantastic 2009 with the Wreckiest wrecks EVER!

~Bonnie B~

word verification: Jologro...The name of the 'hair tonic' in the second picture...

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

I actually kind of like #1. But make mine a cosmo.

Here's a song for #3 "Oh dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made you out of cake, and when you're old and moldy, oh dreidel I will scrape" (and turn into some monstrosity for New Year's)

And I'm perversely intrigued at the construction of the Bud cake. Do you glue sheet cake to the side of a cooler or dig out a big hole of a larger one?

@ Morkus, re: Dogfish - I went to HS with the guy who started it, until he got kicked out. And his dad, an oral surgeon, pulled out eight of my teeth. Thanks for bringing up some good memories.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLala27

I think the "cracker" might be a pineapple. Don't ask me was just my knee-jerk reaction at first glance.

I mean it...don't ask me why!

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterquinn

There is just no reason for any of those cakes. Not even the three olive martini.

A number of years ago, the Yuppy rage was Harvey Wallbanger cakes. There's no reason for them either, but I don't remember them being produced commercially.

;^) Jan the Gryphon

wv: fingish - when one has minor issues, but is not truly finicky

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered Commentergryphondear

You don't drink hair tonic on New Year's Eve? Don't knock it until you've tried it. Ironically, once you do drink the tonic, that last cake is one of your hallucinations.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

Wow...that exploding thing, whatever it may be, is horrible!
However, I do like the cooler one! It looks really good to me.
And UGH to that last one.

December 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

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