My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Somewhere in Kabul, There is an Italian Bakery

No, that's not the opening line for a joke; there really is an Italian bakery in Afghanistan. It's also where today's cakes come from. Let's see what our military folk are getting for their birthdays, shall we?

Not bad, not bad - although it looks like the cake suffered from a little friendly fire. But what's up with all the random silver balls? It reminds me of those plastic bubble mazes we had when we were kids.

Wait, I can explain this one! Submitter Sara writes, "One of my guys was a reservist who had been a male stripper, hence the naked rear."

Ewwkay. Wait, [head tilt] do you guys see a naked rear? Kind of looks like pants to me - or shorts, I should say. And the shading - why?

But most importantly: we're sending MALE STRIPPERS to Kabul?!? Dang, joining the army has never seemed so appealing - am I right, ladies? I mean, assuming this picture is not representative of what said strippers actually look like...

This is like one of those old Magic Eye pictures: I simultaneously see a bear and an armadillo. But before I can decide which it is, I'm distracted by all those baffling silver balls again. I guess the Italians use them like sprinkles - metallic, molar-breaking sprinkles, but sprinkles all the same.

Sara C., for the cakes, and for all you do on our behalf, thank you.

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Reader Comments (51)

I kind of see ALF in the last one.

July 23, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteraleighsmith

Dancer 6? So the commander is an ex-stripper? Or am I reading that wrong. Hilarious anyway!

July 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTara M.

A friend of mine sent me your site and I have to say I laughed a LOT. I bake (although I'm not a pro0 but geez! Anyway, I'm complaining because when I was in the reserves I never met a soldier/stripper. I feel cheated.

July 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

OMG! Too funny! And your captions, well, they "take the cake" forgive the pun and the quotes ;-D I'm now getting ready to enlist! Hilarious!

July 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO

yup, looks like ALF to me...

July 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMoonablaze

Maybe it's a Braille cake, hence all the random silver balls! ;)

July 23, 2008 | Unregistered Commenternolan

I loved those silver ball sprinkles soooo much when I was a kid. They stopped selling them on grocery store cakes in the US sometime in the mid-90s, I think. Sad.

July 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDiv

I think that those silver balls are inedible. Maybe they are trying to poison our troops.

July 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I think the last cake says "Montana" over the critter - which makes me think it's probably supposed to be a grizzly bear, as in the University of Montana Grizzlies.

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I kinda see ALF in the last one too, but it IS a pretty fair representation of my University's mascot, the mighty Montana GRIZ ;)

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

what's the weird, vaguely football-esque thing in the first cake???

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChaucer's Bitch

I wonder what the "butter" cream is made of. Last time I checked there were no dairy farms in Afghanistan :)

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

wow that nice.. and sweety

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCAMEL BY REQUEST

``metallic, molar-breaking sprinkles`

absolutely great line. keep it up!

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

hi - someone sent me here! v. funny!

I grew up having those silver balls on cakes - they're made of sugar, and to a six-year old, they are magical.

I'm not sure a grown male stripper will feel the same, though!

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I LOVE THIS SITE!!! I was laughing (and crying) so hard at work that security came in and asked if everything was okay. Great job and after looking at those cakes, maybe someone should start a charity to send REAL cakes to our troops

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNona

The armadillo bear is my favorite.
Ball bearing you can eat! Genius!
(Just found this site and it rocks!)

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlly

I think they stopped putting them on cakes in the US because they contain a small amount of Mercury. Has anyone else heard this too? So maybe, they are trying to poison our troops.

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

oh no - that first one is REALLY BAD, especially if the person is actually an Ohio State fan. Gatorbait? boohiss.

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbeautiful tension

if one more person uses the phrase "takes the cake" in a comment, i may just explode.

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter- christy

I found this site through a recommendation from another site and I have to say since I have been looking at all the posts I have not stopped laughing!! These cakes are great (well great wrecks anyway), and the comments are just hilarious! This made my day!

July 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

What I am wondering is who did the decorating on the stripper cake? I'm guessing it wasn't an Afghan native

July 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

On cakes for the military, I figured the silver balls were representative of bullets. No? :-)

(Hope this isn't a double post. It looks like it's giving me an error on my first attempt, but I can't tell if it's just waiting for moderation.)

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteraedifica

Those little silver balls were removed from shelves due to mercury in the metallic covering in the past. They have since been allowed back. California still does not sell them. They're called dragees and they're totally edible.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSmoochiefrog

That last one screams vagina.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

oh dear, i just laughed so hard. those are amazing.

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBanana-head Pancake

Dude! Edible Ball Bearings! Even Dr. Who knows they're delicious :)

July 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTas

In that stripper one, i see a blast amputee. Are the locals trying to say something?

August 4, 2008 | Unregistered Commentericie

I'm glad someone saw bears and armadillos in the last one. I thought it was the female parts from the Green Exotic Dancer in the original Star Trek series.

August 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'd really love to go to whatever strip club has double-amputee dancers.

I love this site, by the way. We made a friend a penis-cake once, but it was from a mold so hardly as mindblowing as most of these.

August 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

In military parlance, "6" means back or rear - as in "cover my 6."

So do they call him "Dancer A**"?

August 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLeeLee

OMG! Someone just pointed me in the direction of your blog and I haven't stopped laughing since I got here! Especially since I am a cake decorator (pro) and it boggles my mind that people actually paid for these cakes. Too funny!
Thanks for the laughs!

August 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

It looks like the stripper is badly bruised. Maybe from his previous customers being incredibly dissatisfied so they kicked his ass to the door?

August 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

I love the first cake -- a Florida Gators logo and an Ohio State "Gatorbait" logo, with the score of the 2006 BCS National Championship (Football) Game when we (Florida) kicked OSU's butts (for the first time that year). But what it has to do with a birthday cake and the writing below, I have no idea. And it's kind of hideous.

August 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

The little silver balls are called dragees. They were scared off the market by a dinkwad lawyer in CA (at least in the Bay Area) when he sued Martha Stewart and several bakeries for using them, since silver can be toxic (in large doses. over a long period of time. like you're sitting around eating whole bottles of the things.). Too bad he has felt the need to pursue this all the way to Kabul.
Here's a 2003 article on Mr. "Think of the Children! Won't Someone Think of the Children?"

August 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbats :[

I like that the guy is nicknamed Dancer 6, yet the guy is missing half his legs. That's an especially nice touch to send a soldier.

August 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMissDirected

OK, here is where I couldn't hold it in any longer.....LOLOLOLOL!!
Thank you so much, this site is headed for fame.
Keep up the good work. I'm going to have to limit myself so I don't literally bust a gut.
Nice work.

August 25, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterrrrearden


August 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh-my-gosh! This site is hilarious! I just woke my husband up because I was laughing so loudly.

But, hey, I like the first cake on this thread. As a Gator fan, that National Championship game was "Sa-weet!"

And, yes, Beautiful_Tension, Ohio State WAS truly Gator Bait in 2006! We defeated them in both the football and basketball championship games.


September 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGator Mommy

I know I am going back on an old post here but I can't help myself. Something about this creature just screams ManBearPig to me.

January 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"and i cannot stress this enough: ball bearings you can eat - genius!"

though really out of place on these particular cakes...

January 31, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterk

I'm sure no one is checking such an old post, but...

The stripper only looks as though he is wearing shorts because his legs are cut off above the knee. The line around his waist is clearly from a banana hammock, meaning of course that his butt IS totally bare

June 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl

Two thoughts on the Dancer 6 cake:

1 - Are we sure that reservist is an exotic dancer and not a freak show exhibit? I mean, ye gods, his ass crack reaches his lats! I'd pay to see that!

2 - So at the beginning of that reservist's career, he truly was a Private Dancer, right?

June 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBillDarryl

LOL, my name is Sara C.!! I am also Italian!!! Thank you for this post, and you're right, we DO use those silver balls as sprinkles!!!

June 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

those silver balls are candy sprinkles, you can buy them all over the place in Canada and they taste SO GOOD! love them. so... you can't get them in the states? My sympathy for you guys deepens....

June 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i really like the bear, actually.

July 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel Leastlikely

The first cake deserves a "Intentional Misuse of Dragées" (hence the silver balls) award - but it is funny nevertheless!

November 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwhizkidforte

Over the "bear" on the last one it says MONTANA. I kinda see a bat in a tree on the last cake. This website is so funny!

March 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LOl Alf..I kinda see it too. Poor guys, they need more cheering up out there than these cakes! ;) xx

October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

They want the bakers
to frost my naked cakerear?
How much an hour?

July 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

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