My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Long Shot

This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.


Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:

"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."

Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*

If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:

[crickets chirping]


What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!


Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:

Now do you know where we are?

Er, no, not "the home of the flame-broiled Loch Ness Monster." Sorry. It is the home of the "Longherns," though, if that helps any. I'm surprised you can't see it, though. I mean, don't those cakes look exactly like this?

(I suggest you go look at those Wrecks again now, to better "appreciate" them. Heh.)

Ok, last hint:

What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.

Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?

- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart

* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)

« "So Funny" In Bold, with Exclamation Mark | Main | Tour Wreck - UPDATE »

Reader Comments (547)

Thanks for the explanations.
That flame-broiled caked looked suspiciously like a uterus, so I thought maybe you were giving hints that you were cancelling the tour because you found out John was pregnant.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScott

Wait, what? John has a head injury too? Holy crap! What happened????

I'm digging for more jokes to send! Jen, please keep us updated on both your conditions. Hugs and prayers.......

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwhitby98

Wait, as any Texan who makes it through 7th grade Texas history can tell you (cause we all have to do that salt dough relief map of the state)--that Texas is back-ars-wards! I think a Yankee was involved in the making of that even a cake? Whatever it is, I smell a fraud.

Michele McDonald

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichele McDonald

Big Wishes for John's full recovery. Concentrate on him, we can do without the cakes for a while.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'd ask "what else could go wrong" but we all know where that would lead! I hope John makes a complete recovery very, very soon and that the both of you get to go and rest up from this ordeal. Sending you get well wishes from Maryland.

Mary C.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaryC

Jen - I have been a long-time fan of Cake Wrecks (but a silent reader, for some reason!) and I just wanted to say that I am thinking about John, and hoping that everything is okay. Keep us updated.

*and next time, you should come to Bloomington, Indiana! Not much happens here. We could use a good Wreck party. :)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShaina

Best wishes to you both for John's speedy recovery. So distressed to hear you're stranded in the Lonestar State under such unfortunate circumstances.


October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermarriedtotheoil

I hate the words "critical condition"! Please, tell us John is going to be ok. I've been thinking a lot about you two guys! Big kisses to both of you from Belgium

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAna

Wow, those are some major bad things! Hope you all get better soon.

And I seriously thought that 2nd cake was a uterus.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAce

I was hoping today we would read that John is still be in critical condition..... :( My thoughts and prayers are with you guys. I hope John gets out of the ICU soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Best wishes to John and so sorry to hear about his ailments! Hopefully he'll bounce back soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarcie

The first two cakes bear a striking resemblance to the internal female reproductive anatomy.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTheresa

Seriously?! So sad that we won't see you in Bethesda, but sadder still for John and you! Hope he feels better soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKarey

OH NO! Talk about foreshadowing, horrible as it is. Here's hoping and praying that you get well soon so you can get back home.

As for the wrecks, with me being from Oklahoma, those are AWESOME! (GO SOONERS!)

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjedijson

I'm so sorry to read of your hardships A much felt "get well soon!" headed your way. The entire community of CakeWreck fans are behind you 100%.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKeely

Yikes! Hope you and John manage to keep your head above water. It's incredibly sporting of you to continue to post. Best wishes to you both.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSubhangi

I sincerely hope your are joking about John but, I have a feeling you're not and I wish him the best for a speedy recovery - that's pretty serious stuff!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

Prayers to you both for a speedy return to health.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?


Olive who?

Olive Cake Wrecks!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

Geez, I hope John is okay! You're both in my thoughts (even if you did malign my home state today!). At least Texas has some excellent hospitals, right? Please keep us posted.


October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPatricia

Wow, that sounds scary... Wishing John a speedy recovery!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichael

Prayers to John.
I hope all is better soon. Very soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCALpumper aka Crystal

All your family, friends, and fans are thinking of you and hoping you're both healthy very soon. Take good care of yourselves.


October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen! I am so sorry to hear that you guys are still dealing with all of this garbage. I am praying for a much faster recovery for both of you.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMary Y

Oh no! Feel better quickly!
Oh, and the first one made me think you were in a bikini show...

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Dotson-Thomson

I thought that first cake was a pair of panties and that you were perhaps at a strip club which then had me thinking perhaps John had been faking that whole pneumonia, head injury, staph infection thing.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

Thanks for the update. WOW - the tour should be the LEAST of your concerns. Know that all of your faithful readers are praying for you!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChris

Sending good thoughts and prayers (and whatever else you think might help) your way. I hope you both get to feeling better soon.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I was going to say something about being around female reproductive organs, but I'll be polite. Pity someone couldn't have found a "King of the Hill" cake, too.

And, yes, you do wreck a tour. Oh, well, I suppose you will make it to NYC sooner or later.

Hang in there, folks. Just get better.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolkie

Thank you for the post, I hope John will make a full and speedy recovery!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As bad as the tour has been at least you weren't attacked by a pack of raccoons you were trying to chase out of your yard...

Here's the link:

Maybe it will cheer John up! HE just had a head injury, pneumonia, and a little old staph infection :)

Wreck on!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHannah's Mom

I really wish you well. Though I have to admit, way to keep up with the humor in the face of disaster!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFixer Mamma

oh man! I am sooo feeling your guys' pain! But I am amazed that you have found humor in all that is happening. The crusted burnt wreck that looks like it was split in half is exactly how I feel about Texas! LOL jk but it surely is gross.

I hope they are taking good care of you there!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstep0nmi2

I'm so sorry to hear about John's illness. I have never commented on this site, but read it every day. I hope you all get well real soon!!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzie

So sorry that you're going through this challenging time. Praying for speedy recovery for John and a safe return home.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Oh dear! Funny post, but I'll be praying for John!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

You were definitely missed in Austin... but I wish you both a quick recovery. Keeping John in my prayers as he remains in ICU...

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfoxy

Long-time reader, first-time poster, but I hope John gets well soon! Best wishes to you two.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAutumn

My computer is all wonky and I can't see the pics, but knowing you are in the Dallas area, and the all I can only guess at the wreckiness of the cakes (since I am in Fort Worth!)

Get better John! Prayers it doesn't turn into MRSA

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

Just wanted to send along prayers to you both - I hope John gets well quickly. -Opal

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

20 years from now, (perhaps sooner?) when we can all look back on this and laugh someone will make a cake involving a head injury, a sick lung, and some staph infected blood. And it will be a wreck.

Get well soon John!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPittie

I am so very sorry to hear that John is still in critical condition. I am sending good wishes to you from Austin.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Huh...I thought you were in a uterus.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngel H.

Sending best wishes to John for a quick and complete recovery.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow! I hope you are both in better health soon. It's too bad about the tour but I'm glad you made it at least as far as Denve. Hopefully all that thin air isn't what did you in!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRoseAnn

oh, how awful!! sending good vibes your way - may you both heal soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermiss k

Sorry that John is so sick. Hope he gets on the mend soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterApril

Our prayers go out to you and John. I hope you're both better soon!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSimsKatie

Great Wrecks, but wish John didn't have to suffer! Hope he gets well SOON!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJimh.

My partner and I are praying for you guys (especially John) and hope you are feeling better soon. Props to you for still having your sense of humor and sharing it with us. This is why we all love you so!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnita K., Kansas City

Poor John, I hope he gets well soon. Best wishes from Germany!

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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