Ok, last Dad's Day post, I promise. (But keep in mind that crossing my fingers behind my back nullifies any and all aforementioned promises.)
Yesterday fathers across the globe were given heartfelt messages from their children.
Messages like, "Aren't you glad you put me through college?"
(And if ever there was an icing color that should be banned, "radioactive vomit green" should be it.)
And, "Penmanship isn't everything."
(I saw "Doty" for a solid 30 seconds before realizing that's a wonky capital "A".)
Or, "Are you getting enough fiber?"
Then there are the less complimentary messages, though I'm sure they were just as heartfelt. Really.
Like, "You dress like a clown. And not even a funny one."
Or, "I can't even bring myself to call you 'Dad'."
I think this one is "Squint your eyes and it could almost be golf-related, Grandpa."
(Get it? "Grandpa?" 'Cuz it says "Father's Dad"?
Ah, you're no fun at all.)
I guess a lot of people were hoping for "happy father dads":
And finally there's the classic backhanded compliment: "You're #1...
"...at beating orange bunnies with a baseball bat.*"
Vanessa B., Shylah E., Jujyfruit, Amanda L., Mary F., Lauren C., & Bekka T., I hear that's the most sportsmanlike way to go. * Yes, I know it's supposed to be a fish. So don't go pulling a "Spaceship Earth" on me, hear?