My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Oh, Bugger

When it comes to cakes, I'm usually a pretty tolerant person. (Mostly. Ok, sort of. Look, just humor me, Ok?)

However, there's a new "Deco Kit" running rampant through our nations bakeries that, quite frankly, must be stopped. In fact, it's not so much a kit as it is a creepy garnish. Let's see if you can spot it in this photo:

"Oh, look at the pretty caAAAEEEIIIII!!!!"

Yes, those are in fact giant, disturbingly life-like, (yet mercifully plastic) ants - or as bakers are calling them, "the new sprinkles."

Which might explain why they're popping up everywhere.

See, two ants are good...

Three are better...

But four equals "display only". Good to see there are limits.

For some reason watermelon cakes suffer the most from these pesky "antics":

Because, really, how else could you make this cake less appetizing?

It's always good to have insects on the brain while eating a cake covered in black specks.

And yes, please, let's put Old Glory on there to remind everyone that only we Americans could produce the double-whammy Wreckage of both a CCC (cupcake cake) AND the GAG (Giant Ant Garnishes). Wouldn't want some other country claiming this one, now, would we?

Christine T., Penny R., Sidney B., Dave K., Kathryn S., Erica H., & Kate B., you know why anteaters never get sick, right? No? Well, it's 'cuz they're so full of antibodies.

[bah dum bump!]

- Related Wreckage: Totally Cheating

« What's THAT Supposed to Mean? | Main | Sunday Sweets: More Threadcakes »

Reader Comments (173)

I cANT believe it! Sorry, couldn't resist.

To be fair, the unappetizing watermelon cake looks like it got crushed. It might have looked better pre-crush.

But being fair tends to take the fun out of things, so just ignore me. ;-)

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMilton

I'm LMAO! That's just disgusting! Mind you, that would make an interesting dessert at any summer picnic; at least people could play a game of "spot the differences"! LOL!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterANa

I met my husband for the first time at the airport in Atlanta ... where there are giant, plastic ants crawling across the rafters in baggage claim for whatever reason. They are weird but they broke the ice and gave us something to talk about. So although I have some sort of fondness for large, plastic ants, these are wholly unappetizing.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie


August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

And therrrrrrrrre goes my appetite!!!!!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRhea


August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterros

Gaint ants can't be the new sprinkles, unless they're edible.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

That is especially gross, since we have carpenter ants around our house that get really big...I don't think I could eat any of those cakes!!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Ok. Call me crazy but I though the first 4 were kind of cute, and then came the watermelon. Maybe it would be alright if it actually looked like an appetizing watermelon?

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWide Awake Wife

I think I threw up a little when I saw that first watermelon, maybe it was because I was eating watermelon??? Some of the cakes are absolutley disgusting!!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

Great. As someone who is fighting a losing battle this summer against ants, these proves they are indeed winning. On a much larger scale than previously thought.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

I don't quite understand the point of the "french fries" cake, with or without infestation...

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDurable Goods

Those GAGs need Naked Baby Jockeys! :)
(and boy, is "GAG" totally appropriate! BLEARRRGGHH!!!)


August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

To be honest, I'm glad the universal picnic mascot is the ant and not the fly. I'll just brush the ants off -real or fake - and stuff the food in my mouth.

But flies? As a kid I watched flies land on a fresh pile of dog poo at the park, then onto a platter of meat coming off our grill.

wv: ferevir - "Flies nearly put me off al fresco dining ferevir."

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle S.

OMG! I saw an ant/watermelon cake at my local walmart last week. I immediately thought "cake wrecks" but didn't have my camera with me. I had no idea it was an epidemic!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

what's next, a cake or CCC shaped like an ant eating a watermelon wreck?

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

While they're all too disgusting to eat, I'd give creativity points to the one that looks like a cupcake dropped on a tile floor.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDaria

The toppled cupcake version gets my vote. I mean, if you gotta eat ants on a cake, it might as well be a tongue-in-cheek one.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

I saw an Ant Wreck about a month ago -- but I couldn't get a good photo of it because of the cake's placement in the cooler (I tried!).

Glad... or I guess frightened is the word... that there were enough other examples out there.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I must admit that I once decorated my husband's birhday cake with a border of pink roses and green leaves - and a group of small green caterpillars marching straight across. Kind of cute!(he is an enthomologist)

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBerit

I like the ants! The watermelon cakes on the other hand...

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I must admit that I once decorated my husband's birthday cake with a border of sweet pink roses and green leaves - and a group of green caterpillars crawling across. (He collects butterflies, so he had it coming) Kind of cute!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBerit

And woooo, three ants!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDave

I don't think I would touch those cakes...

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiana Dang

Ok...this just reminds me when my mom went to a friends house and said that the pecan pie on the table looked good...until the lady said it was apple and they noticed all the roaches on it! EWWW

Sorry...bugs on food is not appetizing even if they are plastic.

WV handist - You gotta handist to the wreckorators that want to think outside the box...and outside the appetizing.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDevNAbbyMom

Yes, it could be worse, they could be roaches!

WV: Enefi...Enefi the ant cakes already! =)

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

Just stick a plastic naked baby on top of them and all will be well.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDecadent Housewife

and here I am fighting ants with ant bait inside the house...which I am not sure is safe. I bet I killed two dozen at this very computer table yesterday. What will they think of next? a poison ant bait cake? or how about a cake in the shape of an ant trap? yum

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

Yes, ants at picnics are a given. We don't need to go creating an homage to them, or any of the other disgusting realities of life. As someone already said, the next steps are flies and roaches, and while you are at it, don't forget what happens to your food after you eat it!
Don't forget the bacterial component of disgestion, or of decomposing uneaten food! Make a cake for that, bakers, if you are so intent on crossing the line!!
Cakes are supposed to be happy and celebrating!!!
NOT gory reminders of pestilence!

I will not be able to eat outdoors for a while now. And we also had a problem with those giant black carpenter ants this year.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Aw, I wanna see some grubs.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

Honestly, who thinks of stuff like that?!? Unless you have a child who really likes bugs and you make a bug themed cake, who would want them on a cake? Especially any cake that was suppose to resemble food, ew!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFoodieCrystal

The 2nd Watermelon Cake also appears to be a CCC.

At least they aren't cockroaches. *serious vom*

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEloni

Okay, I have to say: GAG is right!!
I grew up on a farm where we had to horse-spray our house once a week against flies, so I'll take the ants any day. Besides, the little black ones are good for you!
(T. Sturgeon's "the Synthetic Man.")

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, bugs are supposed to be good for the arteries and stuff... but no thanks anyway :)

Love your blog, makes me smile (in horror) every time.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSnooze

If you are going to make a watermelon cake shouldn't you make it a ripe watermelon? (looking at you, watermelon #2)

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterknitorpurl

Ugh, grossest cakes I've ever seen. I think it might have grossed me out more than Stalin cake or oil-spill-fish cake or even 3d ultrasound cake. Ugh! I hate bugs.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNichole Loves Cake

Nothing shows a yummy cake like a bunch of black squiggling ants. Maybe they'll make a red ant version for valentine's day. (GASPS)

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbodoba

yeah, my local Wallyworld said that cakes with the GAG's are some of the most popular right now, especially with kids.... still doesn't make it right!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTracey W.

Even without the ants, those watermelon cakes are horrid!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVicki


August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterknitwit

You know, there's a restaurant in Mississippi called the Blow Fly Inn that puts plastic flies on every plate of food that leaves the kitchen. This plastic insect thing is really getting out of control!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnnelise

OK, now normally I agree with you on what makes an unappetizing cake, but I must defend the GAGs. If I know an ant is interested in eating the cake, no matter how disgusting it may look, some part of my brain turns on and says "Hey, look, the ant wants it! you don't want the ant to eat all that, do you? No. So go eat it! Now!" It seems a highly effective way of moving bad cakes. And besides, they're kinda cute, aren't they?

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

I kinda like the ones carrying the cupcake away. *blush*

I see, though, how this sets a dangerous precedent for other creepy crawlies on my desert. And that is something I do NOT want!


wv: lordi - "oh lordi Mabel, we gots us an ant problem again!"

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

EEWWW! Just eeewwww!!

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What the hell is that last one meant to be? A patriotic boomerang?

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMs Avery

MmmMmmmM! Protein!

I'd rather have a nice scoop of ice cream with my cake not RAID lol

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

okay...sue me...I think they are KYOOT! :D

I think one carrying a cupcake out of a CCC (Patooey) would be good.

FUTHERMORE....I like the litterbox cake too, so I am of no mind to judge! :D

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCottagecheap

Come on now. They may be cute for a picnic idea cake or halloween (maybe), but whoever came up with this idea should be taken out back and beaten.

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachael

Antibodies! BWAHAHAHA!

I love bad puns. (Like there's such thing as a good one.)

WV Culnewuu- (cull-nay-woo)-when a wreckorator tries to impress, using all their talents, as in," Wow! That ant placement is just culnewuu!"

August 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfrigglesnitz

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