My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

New Year's Diet Aid

Did you know that 89.3% of New Year's resolution diets FAIL in just 3 weeks?


Well, that's probably because I made that stat up. (FACT: 63.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.)

I'm pretty sure most diets do fail, though, on account of their requiring you to eat significantly smaller portions of cake - and, let's face it, that's a trade-off no one wants to make.

Still, for you foolhardy few trudging on in blatant defiance of Mother Nature, your genetics, and the Baskin Robbins large chocolate Oreo shake, here are some motivational visuals sure to make you lose your appetite, if not that spare tire.

Imagine semi-congealed cement. With a chaser of pond scum. And a dead, flattened snake.

Now, imagine washing that all down with a niiice, cold glass of milk.

Feeling motivated yet?

I bet this cake would taste really wet. And Reddi-Whip-ee. flowery.

This next one has a dual purpose: it will make you want to avoid cake and a career in proctology.

I have no words. And, frankly, the only thing that could follow this up would be...well, this:

(C'mon, bakers, really? Chocolate poo swirled icing AND strawberry syrup? Really?)

I feel I should warn you: this next cake will guarantee you'll never, EVER, want sprinkles again.

Well, at least not chocolate sprinkles. Yech.

And if you're still not convinced:

This is one hairy situation, guys. A very public, hairy situation. Not good.

Sometimes you don't need icing or sprinkles to Wreck a cake, though. Sometimes, all you need is a can of fruit filling.

I am never eating blueberries again.

Hannah C., Ellysa C., Cynthia M., Johanna., Julie & Chris B., Jessica G., & Julia S., with cakes like these, who needs Weight Watchers?

- Related Wreckage: I Think I'll Have the Salad Today

RSS Feed Update: Due to excessive internet thievery (boo, spam blogs!) I've finally had to pull the plug on our full RSS feed. We're still tinkering and experimenting with options, though, so please bear with us!

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Reader Comments (228)

Half of those cakes look like they're moving!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

I swear. No lies. My brain erased the "L" in Public on the hairy cake. I had to re-read it 4 times before the L appeared.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzie

Thank you. You just saved me from that cake craving I had. Now, if only the scale would also magically drop a pound in appreciation.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

That blueberry 'dollop' looks disturbingly like oversized caviar. Because when I think Cake, I immediately think Fish Eggs. A completely normal, every day train of thought, am I right?

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKate in Italy

wow---and I used to like frozen blueberries to cool down...

all that rat cake needs is a cockroach or two

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

The Chad mouse dropping cake makes me shudder - and I used to keep pet mice!


January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCSOTgacko

Ewwww..just ewwww..
I may not want to eat anything today, but especially not cake.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPam

Pie > cake, anyway. This post only confirms the horrors that people have to endure with this silly leavened pastry.


January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPoor Impulse Control

Horrible, horrible, horrible. I can't unfreeze my face from the "I'm about to yak" expression. Horrible.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJHill

Oh dear. Oh my. Holy bakeroni. I am often amused, sometimes perplexed, and occasionally grossed out, but you managed to start my morning with all three at once! Thank you!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBetty

Well, so much for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. For the rest of the week.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

I think the mouse poo one is kinda creative, although disgusting. :D

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Smart Cookie Bakery

Whatever baker "produced" cake #4 should really make an appointment to visit the recipient of cake #3.

I also read "a very public (without the L) hairy situation" the first time.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMike Owens

Decorators think they can slap any old piece of poo under clear plastic and it will look fancy. They're wrong.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

Oh my lord! The intestines cake totally got me. Why, why, why?

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermomcat

The rat cake actually made me smile. I've had pet hamsters for many years and my friends did something similar with the sprinkles on my cake and then said "Oh your hams helped us decorate it". If it had had a fake rat on it, it may have been a different story though.

And Suzie, my brain did the same thing on Public. Natural connection I'm guessing? Bleh.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Note to self: do not read Cake Wrecks just after eating. Those are NASTY!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Are those real rocks on that icing glopped snake in the jungle cake?

And what's the red stuff? Icing jalapenos?

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

AAAHHHHH!!! O vile. O vile. O vile.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Are those STICKERS on the bum cake?!?

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I see...

1) the result of mixing Play-Doh colors,

2) popcorn and writing on phlegm,

3) a horrific skin condition,

4) too much fiber?,

5) a very smart rat,

6) an unnecessary "l" in the commentary, and

7) fish eggs - because no blueberry should sit in that much mucous.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

I think I just lost my appetite for the rest of the day, thanks...I need to lost a pound or two.

And case you haven't been to Jacob's site in awhile, he had a rough night with having to be intubated for being unresponsive. He is doing better this morning, but needs all the prayers he can get to try and get into a new clinical trial.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarol


January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSAM

My 4-year old just announced, "Those cakes are not beautiful." I'd like to add that they are completely disturbing. *shudder*

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertonkelu

Wow. Is it just me, or is that first cake on a bed of spaghetti? I mean, it was gross enough before, but when you add in the potential for cold, soggy-yet-hard pasta?

WV: Myodyes: If I showed my grandmother this wreck, she'd mutter, "Myodyes hurt now. I need my glasses."

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKiraela

I think I just puked a little.

#1. Snake ‘n’ basil soufflé FTW!!!

#2. It’s pineapple URP-side down cake!

#3. “I said BUNDT cake! BUNDT!!!

#4. “Honey, I think we need to take the cat to the vet!”

#5. For a mouse, that’s pretty nice penmanship.

#6. No-no-no-no-no. Not going there, Dr. Freud. But thank you, anyway.

#7. Well, you’d choke on your blueberries, too, if you saw the previous cakes in this post.


January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

I actually lost a little weight just reading this blog. Nice work.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

Feh, I read that the number of fake statistics is up to 78.4%.

What's really sad about the butt cake is that it looks like someone actually tried on that one.

I had to retrieve some old cutters out of a box from the garage a few weeks ago and when I went out there, for a moment I thought, "How did all those chocolate sprinkles get on the TOP of the box?" Then I clued in. Ew. Even though the box was intact and there were no "sprinkles" inside, I still boiled the cutters. I can't imagine trying to eat a cake that reminds me of that.

WV: pikiesco: Pikies Co is the company that makes all of that plastic flotsam-on-a-stick for jamming into cakes by lazy decorators.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

I bet most of us will skip the L in public when gazing on that work of awfulness.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Are those STICKERS on that ass-cake? STICKERS???

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Damn them for ruining sprinkles!!!!!

WV = styringi: That's some styringi looking sprynklies on that "public" cake!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeftWingLock

The rat poo cake made me laugh out loud. It's hilarious in a completely disgusting way. I wish I could have seen Chad's face. Maybe he works for an exterminator.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I just want to thank you... I sat here laughing out loud at these cakes and especially your commentary, and there's no better way to start my day. I look forward to Cake Wrecks every morning. Thanks for all you do!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

What is the bloody poo cake even supposed to be? Aside from a subtle hint you need more fiber in your diet, of course.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermary anne

What did Chad DO DO to deserve a rat poo cake?

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Congratulations! You have just posted the Most Disgusting CakeWrecks to date! The Wreckporter who captured the red-stained poo slab deserves special recognition.

To repeat, YUCK!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

I am glad my stomach is empty. I was thinking breakfast, but now I'm just feeling ill... good grief!

WV: burnal, as in we should burnal these cakes immediately!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Dotson-Thomson

that arse cake is atrocious!! is that supposed to be an astronaut (landing on the moon) or a physician about to take the plunge?

and did anyone else dare to click on that thing? tramp-stamp aside, that is one disgusting piece of, er, cake. ack!!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

I'm having a very hard time trying to determine which makes me the most sick! Lets just say that I will soooo be sticking to my diet at lunch!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Borquez

Oh, oh oh... I just might throw-up! And the result would be prettier than those cakes!
The first one actually reminded me of changing my son's diaper after he discovered that he loves spinach.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Once again you have given me something to smile about. And this was after a morning with juniot hi students complaining about their work load!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOnyx

Just for a brief second, I thought your description of cake #6 said (in part), "a very PUBIC, hairy situation"

Perhaps that was done on purpose, perhaps not. Either way, WELL DONE! :)

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I am really puzzled by the shiny, slimy "cake". It's gross on so many levels, but what IS that thing among the silk flowers? The fuzzy, dusty blob? I can't get my head around it.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I am in the midst of a weight loss competition with my neighbors. So, thanks for the help!

1) mm. moldy cake with snake. and GREEN. how can green vegetables NOT look appetizing after that? (for those that hate veggies)

2) do silk flowers count as roughage?

3) "man lands on the moon" has a whole new meaning for me. and this reminds me how dieters wonder "does my butt look fat"? more motivation.

4) bloody poop or intestines? you decide. (meanwhile what the heck is it SUPPOSED to be? and is it only icing and jelly? no cake? yuck)

5) Does Chad have a rodent problem in his apartment? How supportive of his friends. At least we know where NOT to eat. (Must admire the fine motor skills of the decorator to spell out his name in sprinkles.)

6) get thee to a hot wax specialist! hair? or maggots...

7) the jelly on those blueberries makes it look fish or amphibian eggs. yuck....

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

hey, kids, you KNOW Jen is messing with your minds on the public/pubic comment. She hedged her bets that if she wrote "public," you'd think, "pubic." because that is what it looks like. right, Jen?

wv: combi--apparently what cake #6 needs!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sharon, they actually make a candy decoration that looks like rocks like that. I had them on my daughters' beach themed cake. but we could always wonder. I mean, silk flowers? not everyone is very resourceful....

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is that seriously just a bunch of globs of chocolate frosting? I mean, I eat cake mostly for the frosting, but seriously? That's just shameless.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

I saw "pubic" as well! How did our brains do that? All of these are HORRENDOUS!!!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAl, Wendy, Max, and Lil

I was about to eat breakfast. I have no desire now. Thanks for helping me keep my diet.

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

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