My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Sweet Dreams

As someone who's battled insomnia for most of my adult life, I know just how valuable a soothing bedtime story can be. So, my fellow sleepless-in-wherevers, this one's for you.

[hem ahem hem]


Once upon a time...

there was a baby who was very sleepy.

The baby's undead friends, however, kept asking:

Yes, throughout the long nights, the baby's best buds howled and screamed and demanded that he stay awake, and play!

One day the baby thought, Maybe if I disguise myself as a ladybug and hide in the forest, my friends won't be able to find me to ask me to play!

And so, chopping off his own arms and legs, he did.

But, alas! His buggy disguise soon attracted a sticky swarm of monster ladybugs.

They crawled in his hair and tickled his ears and the baby forgot about sleep for another night.

Maybe, the baby thought next, if I cover myself with a big blanket, I won't hear my friends calling me!

And so, plugging his little ears, he did.

But, alas! His friend Mr. Bubbles had a very loud and squeaky nose:

Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy.

I know! The baby thought at last. I'll hide in this cake! Then I can nap as long as I want.

And so, burrowing into the soft spongy layers, he did.

But, alas! The cake was Mr. Monkey's birthday cake.

***The End***

Now, who wants seconds?

Amanda K., Alice N., Mary, Katherine L., Amanda H., Sydney F., Sarah V., & Eden C., sleep tight.

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Reader Comments (156)

Woo hoo! I'm am official Wreckporter now!
By the way, if anyone cares to know, the monster ladybug is from one of the premiere - supposedly - bakeries in Istanbul, Turkey. I opted for their Turkish delight rather than their cakes based on this display model alone. (My apologies for my shadow in the photo.)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine L

scarey clown! scarey clown!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaryl

Mr Monkey is the best nightmare fuel I've seen in a while. O_O

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDas

The first baby cake and the last monkey cake COMPLETELY freak me out!! Aaaugh!!!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

OH MY GOD - I am laughing . . I am crying . . .I am horribly disturbed! This was the FUNNIEST POST EVERY!!!! So creepy - so hillarious - and that monkey thing at the end. . . Is that Chaka from Land of the Lost??

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharlene

Wow--so many disturbing images, so little therapy. I have seen creepy monkeys before, but that last...THING is the creepiest one yet. The less said about the babies, particularly the first one, the better.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

AAHHH!! Demon Monkey!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy's Cooking Adventures

That monkey cake will haunt my dreams tonight.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA.J.

That first cake made me gasp and shut my eyes. A brief glimpse was all I could manage.

I didn't mind the ladybug baby so much. Her arms and legs are tucked up underneath. And it better than a real baby. I don't think I'd be quite so creeped out about being served that as a more realistic cake.

VW: piersubc The third doc in a row for submarines. (Pier sub A, pier sub B, ...)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

That top cake... Gah! All of them are disgusting and scary but that top one... Who does that? *shudder*

Someone please pass the brain bleach. I really need to get those images out of my head.

*I want my mommy*

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIce Queen

I was doing okay until I got to Mr.Monkey. That is some seriously creepy cake. I find the feet especially disturbing.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

At the end I saw your label "creepy cakes" and thought, "this is beyond 'creepy', this is terrifying!" Especially the monkey.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Valinda

I am shocked at the utter scariness of this post.

(I love it!)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I think the first cake (the baby), and the last cake (the monkey) are now competing furiously in my mind for the title of creepiest thing I have seen in years, lol.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMamakitty1978

Between Bubbles and Mr. Monkey I don't think I will sleep tonight!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertina

From my 5 year old: That ladybug cake is WEIRD!!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

I do not like the monkey.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertogetherforgood

The whole thing was pretty creepy, but something about Mr. Monkey and his weird hands/toes just REALLY creeps me out *shudders* Thank you, I will now have nightmares of a monkey trying to kill me in my sleep. :)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki T

That monkey cake scares the bananas out of me.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Game

If you didn't have insomnia before, you certainly will now! Incredibly creepy!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Mr. Monkey is true terror in sugar!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJustine

If only I had that first cake to follow the baby meat loaf I'm planning for dinner tonight...

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Holy mackerel - the first and last cakes literally made me gasp out loud in fright!

wv: oundad These cakes oundad my eyes!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Is that the monkey from Chris' closet? *shudder*

That did NOT help my insomnia, Jen. Not at all.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

The first baby is a poor attempt to capture artist Camille Allen's sculptures. THAT'S an ugly kid!

The monkey cake...WOW! Definitely tramatizing. I almost thought a child in a monkey suit was posed on the table.

WV: dompstr Some of these wrecks should be thrown away in the dompstr.

Sharon's Edible Art

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

GASP. That monkey did me in.

PS You've probably been told already, but Cake Wrecks was referenced on Top Chef: Just Desserts on Wednesday!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJHill

I'm just thankful that you post this in the morning (east coast time) so that my brain has a chance to recover before bedtime!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKay

I'm glad that I read this one in the morning!! I don't have insomnia issues... and hopefully a nice long day will keep it that way :)

That said, I think I have [further] proof that I'm weird: it's not the monkey cake that creeped me out, but the baby-lady-bug cake. That's the one *I'm* trying to forget!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

{Evil giggle} I'm so glad that my monkey cake will be causing so many nightmares tonight! A few additional facts about it, in case you're not already creeped out enough:

1) The arm is springloaded, so you can pull it back, place some raisinettes in it, and make it fling its own poo.

2) This was a cake for a 1-year-old's birthday. And it's exactly what his mother requested. Well, she said poo-flinging monkey cake. She didn't specify the hideous, soul-sucking eyes of death.

3) If you want to see more (You know you do. Admit it.) go here:

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeigh

Gross story! You defiantly need more sleep.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCostumeholic

Thanks, Jen, after seeing those cakes (especially the first one), I think I'll never sleep again.

WV: wamulti. I can't think of a joke; I just want to say it. Wamulti, wamulti, wamulti. It goes with my favorite animal name, Humuhumunukunukuapuaa. (The Humuhumunukunukuapuaa is Hawaii's state fish.)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

that monkey cake is possibly the freakiest thing I've ever seen!

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

The first and third cakes remind me of the theory that dolls, robots, etc. (and presumably cakes) that look a little like people are cute, but ones that look exactly like people, with all the details, are creepy.

I think we can now consider that hypothesis proven.

WV: biled. That's exactly what I was saying.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Holy smokes! That first baby cake either looks like Dobey the house elf or Gollum. Either way, it's disturbing. And Mr. Monkey needs a pedicure, stat! Maybe that's why he's so angry, he knows his feet are a mess.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

That first baby made me scream out loud.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

Thanks a lot, Mr. Monkey's going to give me nightmares and the less said about the first baby cake the better. Thanks for starting off my morning horribly funny. :)

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

I will have nightmares now.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Eeek! That first baby looks like Kuato from "Total Recall."

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNoelle

ROFL!!! Love your storyline!! At first I was thinking 'Anne Geddes gone bananas', until I saw the monster ladybug... then I saw the bananas. *blink blink*

Actually, I didn't scream till I saw Mr Monkey at the end. And yes, I screamed, like a girl. (which is not weird btw, as I am a girl)


Thanks for the nightmares. They needed new fuel.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, my word... the first cake looks like that mutant baby-dude from Total Recall. Eeeeewage. *shudder, shudder*

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElena


November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjen bryner

Oh dear. Oh blummin dear. That. Is. Horrific. i thought the first cake was bad enough, then I saw the last. AAAARRRRGGGHHH!! It's just as scary as 'Are you my Mummy?' in Doctor Who!

On a side note, I love Sleepless In Seattle - great film! We as a family have a Christmas run-up routine. THis involves watching one Christmas film a night for about a month (we have a lot!), finishing with It's a Wonderful Life (starring James Stewart and DOnna Reed) on Christmas Eve. Brilliant.

Back to the cakes: the less said about that monkey the better. Ugh. And the connotations? *shudders*

Hope these don't haunt my dreams - there are enough creepy things in my night-visions already.


WV: constric. To forcibly contain Wreckerators and prevent them from scaring innocent people for life.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDragon-girl

Never. Sleeping. Again.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica W

Why do the baby cakes look like they're dead or have had all the juice sucked out of them? Maybe that's what the mutant ladybug does to them? And if that first one isn't Gollum or maybe Peter Lorre, I'll eat a mutant ladybug.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

I always knew that undead babies with clammy lifeless skin and blank, unseeing eyes were out to get me- these cakes are just further proof!

I don't want kids. Ever. And no matter how many times you creepy zombie kids haunt my dreams, you can't change my mind. So just leave me alone!

And Jen, this post was enough without you adding the bugs in the ears while you sleep bit. That's just cruel.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney

The "Baby on a Half Shell" is really quite terrifying....

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoanna

I thought the flattened fetus-on-the-half-shell in the rose garden was bad, then I saw the demonic "monkey" raising it's hand trying to get the teacher's attention. *shiver*
Ah yes, scar them while they're young.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This sounds oddly like what used to happen when mom would ad-lib bedtime stories for me.
Mom has a very unique sense of humor...what can I say.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lucy

Normally, I can't be shaken by images of cake, but as I scrolled down and caught my first glimpse of that first baby, I actually flinched and instinctively scrolled back up. It's like the monster from a bad horror movie.

WV: contsion - Exercise contion when reading Cake Wrecks, or you may end up with a lap full of hot coffee.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercoeurdechoeur

Disturbing!!!! lol

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMcConnehey

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