My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Just Beachy

Summer's here!

Time to celebrate the sandy beaches, pink and orange sunsets, and crystal blue waters of the...uh...


"And the sky didst turn black, and the sea to ash, and lo, the Wreckerator did thusly expendeth her wrath upon the pink paper umbrella. Eth."

(Before you ask, no, this isn't another oil spill cake: it was sent in last year.)

Gee, bakers, all you need for a decent beach cake is some water and a palm tree. How hard is that?

Ok, let me rephrase that.

How about just a palm tree? A nice, simple, cheery...

Great gobs of corpulent crappy coconuts, what is THAT?!?

Right. Um, let's get back to the beach scenes, shall we?

Looks like someone's beach birthday has a heavy chance of sprinkles:

Yeesh. Now that is a crumby way to color a cake.

Still, I guess it's better than this "beach umbrella" here:

Or as I like to call it: "Sprinkled poo dreams, in four movements"

Ally F., Alyska B., Jodee R., Shae, & Colleen M., this is one time when I can honestly say I don't want sprinkles.

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Reader Comments (64)

Perhaps summer cakes should only be made by bakers who have actually experienced summer, or are mature enough to quit "hiding" poo-designs in all of their cakes.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

On the palm tree CCC, all I can think of is that top-most brown cupcake when it's separated from the group. As a whole it's bad, but on it's own, it looks like an icing tumor.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

I'm at an utter loss for words...*shakes head*

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Most of these aren't terrible IMO -- just the two whose intended shapes are barely discernible and that bring fecal matter to mind.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

But of course the palm tree sticks out horizontally over the water! :P

Apocalypse Beach. Great name for a summer goth night at the club. Can I gank that?

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Four movements. AWESOME.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJael

Dear god, where do they get their skills from?

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yep, just add a little paper umbrella and you have instant FESTIVE!

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

maybe the bakers are "celebrating" the oil spill??

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

You know, I've spent the majority of my life in Florida, and I've never been on a beach that had a palm tree on it. Nearish them, sort of, yes, but never ON the beach.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGaladriel

I love the caption for the last one "Sprinkle poo dreams" :-)

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBloggin in PA

1) ooh, that's cheery. the pink paper cocktail umbrella just livens it all up. they should poke a few holes in it so it goes with the disaster theme.

2)either that palm tree is about to be hit by a tidal wave, or someone has a problem with perspective.

3) coverage! why are we seeing half-naked cupcakes? oh yeah, beach scene. what a wonky poo tree.

4) brown sugar clumps, plastic trees, cocktail umbrella, sprinkles, and--TOOTHPASTE? yeah, that looks professional. Minty toothpaste + raspberry cake. flavor combo of dreams.

5) a poo tornado! I miss those! and it's--at the circus??

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Ha ha! Four "movements"!

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sometimes I am glad I am gluten free, because no one makes craptastic cakes like that for me.

The amount of shortening involved is destined for re-runs, of that I am absolutely sure.

"Sprinkled poo dreams, in four movements" Brilliant. So glad I hadn't had my cup of coffee yet.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Fauve

Okay, that last one? The first thing I thought of is "IT's a poo-nado!"

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

"Great gobs of corpulent crappy coconuts..."

Classic, Jen, classic. Thank you!

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

That top one looks like a scene from "The Road". How depressing.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkilgore

1st cake - made by a seer.
3rd cake? The blue side looks like a profile from the now collapsed "Man of the Mountain"(NH) rock formation.
There's no beach anywhere near that old site.
Jen, you are hysterical.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yeah... I'm still sticking to my original thought that the "island" in that first cake looks like a chicken breast... on a cake!

WV: Copin - the wreckerators were copin out when they made some of these wrecks!

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterafrancis

Dang. You beat me to it with the first cake and the oil spill footnote. On the last cake, however, is that not a poo tornado coming our way?

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMoggypie

I think the first one was made by BP's public relations people. "Sure the water is toxic, but you can sit under this cute pink umbrella!"

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

"Movements" had me laughing out loud - for real!

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterT

You know, I was at this beach this weekend and it didn't look anything like those cakes. Am I missing something here?

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Ugh, I can't stand the perspective on the second one because it's like a bird's-eye view with the beach and then, apparently, a coconut tree lying flat on the sand. BOOOOOO

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohn and Sarah Sperry

If you held that last one upside down, it kinda looks like sprinkle-eyed ET riding in an upturned "umbrella" or multi-coloured clown flower. I love it! :D

That one looks like a poo tornado, kicking up a pile of ... er, poo.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEsty

I think the last cake should be titled "Willy Wonka's Tornado-of-Poo"... with sprinkles!

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Rosenzweig

I like the caterpillar (centipede) leaves on the palm tree on the dreaded cup cake cake cake cake.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLizziebeth

The umbrella taking a multicolor poop is so great.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjess

Poo cupcakes. (blech)

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It actually looks like a poo tornado with sprinkle debris. Ick.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennie

The last one looks like a tornado coming out of a rainbow cloud. It's like an optimist's version of a tornado. "Sure it can kill you, but look at all the pretty colors..."

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDestinie

I could forgive the crumbs as sand on the 4th cake... IF....the water wasn't just a sea of sprinkles...
The two cupcakes iced with flower petals were kind of cute....

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I hate to say it, but maybe they were thinking of the oil spill.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdebbie

I think the first one is supposed to be a moonlit beach at night, but then why have an umbrella at all? That one must come from the laminated 'clinical depression' page of the grocery store cake decoration binder.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Four movements. Oh, dear.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda

Why, why, why didn't the cupcake people just use their globs of icing to decorate all of the cc with flower tops. They would have had just as much icing and a prettier presentation.
Of course, they probably wouldn't have made the CW scene.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

If the wreckerator for the first one hadn't been colour-blind, it would not have been a wreck. Maybe the only time that person ever saw a beach was during a terrible storm where the ocean was a grey froth and the sky was scary-dark? But I like your religious explanation better!

Maybe #2 is after the storm, when the palm tree had been permanently bent horizontal??? Otherwise, I'm flabbergasted that the person didn't know trees grew UP out of the ground! (how could someone miss that?!)

Love "great gobs" of newly redefined CCC! At least the flower cupcakes aren't bad!

That sprinkle cake screams "I really could care less about my job"! Sadly, I think the "four movements" cake is actually better than the sprinkles one. Gevalt!

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

I showed the photo of the third cake to a good friend of mine. She said it looked like the Loc Ness monster taking a dump.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercrownring

Were it not for the recognizable bakery label on the second cake, I would swear it was made at a bakery in a remote Tibetan village by someone who has never had the opportunity to see even a photograph of a beach. Apparently it was just a clueless American with a piping bag. (sighs)

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

#2 = tsunami cake

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMama Martinez

omg - the ccc looks like "eco-poo" - something you might step in while walking along the beach in Costa Rica...yea, waaaayyyy too much of a poop theme going on here. When I see umbrellas (REAListic umbrellas) I think of refreshment, not poo.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercutelilsnot

Aw, c'mon, can't you see that first one is a Sumi painting? No, really. HONest. Would I lie to you? (blinkblink)...

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

The second photo looks like a tsunami ready to hit the tree, and gee, has my dog been dropping coconuts again???
Thank you, Martha in SCV

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMartha

"corpulent crappy coconuts"...indeed.

wv: ullyelbb
yep.That's how they make me feel too.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For those who haven't left these fair shores...palm trees can, and do grow leaning out over beaches. Just think..coconuts float, wash ashore and grow.
See example (and I can verify - I have been lucky enough to go there)

But still doesn't excuse the poop on the beach. I don't want to see a photo OR a cake of that.

wv coidd: They coidd it a day.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ahhhhh!! TSUNAMI!

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

On the fourth cake, please tell me that those plastic palm trees are not the variety used in aquariums.

And if they are, please tell me that they are new and were washed with a 10% bleach solution before being stuck in the cake.

Of course, with these bakers, that is probably too much to ask.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJimma

Oh for pete's sake - whoever pete is. These are from one of those planets that have "different" suns, moons, atmospheres. How do you know it couldn't look like it "there"? And you call yourselves geeks, hmmmmm. And there you need the umbrellas for the really large flying critters. Norine

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Arghhh what is with all the poo? Or are the wreckerators trying to tell us this is what to expect this summer? If so I will not be going to the beach I will hide out at home safe from the poo cakes waiting to grab some unsuspecting soul lol. But I must say that third cake.. my mind went way into the gutter to describe what that poop mess looked like.. now I need soap to scrub my brain.

June 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

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