My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Operation Cake Evasion

Are you tired of always having to get the cake for friends' baby showers? Nooo problem. Just bring in one of these, and they'll never ask again. Guaranteed.

I call this the Bizarre "B" Special: that's Baby Bigfoot on a BBQ, surrounded by beer bottles and a bonsai tree. Feel free to personalize your own creation, though, and have fun with it! How about an Irish infant in an igloo, surrounded by indigo ibexes?

Forget safe, traditional pastels; you want to "go" for as many subtle bowel reminders as possible. Note the use of "chocolate kisses," yellow icing, the big crack, and even the word "bun" in the inscription. Now that's a true master at work.

If the shower is around Halloween, you'll also have this fun option:

Yep. A subtle insinuation that mom-to-be rides a broomstick (or has one shoved where the sun don't shine) oughtta do the trick.

Or, heck, while you're at it: why not take a stab at mom's drinking habits?

The two ingredients for successful parenting.

If at this point you're STILL getting stuck with cake duty, it's time for the gloves to come off. Yep. It's time for...[dramatic pause]...the Crap n' Snap:

Ohh snap!

Now sit back, relax, and revel in the knowledge that no one will ever trust you to order a cake, ever again.

Thanks to Crystal B., Stephanie S., Jenny C., JK, & Angie M., who haven't ordered a cake since 1999.

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Reader Comments (127)

The first one has the lips of Angelina Jolie. Maybe it's her baby! (And if it's not, she'll probably buy it soon, anyway.)

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

That last cake? Wow. I mean really, Wow. And the use of peas in the poo.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ohmigosh, what the heck?!

The first cake is bizarre, with a capital "B"...and the last cake...I *THINK* that's a dirty diaper...just crazy.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSalannB

Oh, lord, that last one leaves me absolutely speechless. :-0
It's cakes like these that make me glad my hostess followed my wishes for the Darth Vader shower cake last weekend!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

Oh man, your readers are gonna be spewing more than coffee this morning. Can't believe that last one's legal to post without a warning!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus


June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKashmir

Words. Fail. Me.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBub

That last one is a Stewie Griffin quote, I think. So, to continue with the Family Guy theme, my response shall be from good ol' Cleveland: "Peeeter, that's naaaaasty."

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

That last cake made me yell "noooooo" and woke up the dogs. Wow, you out did yourselves with these.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Who looked at these cakes and thought they were ok? Who!?

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatjaMouse

All I can say is WOW! Distasteful? Tacky? Can't even come up with words to describe these.....

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Good Heavens! That's all, just Good Heavens!

Actually, the way that first "baby" is positioned on the grill, I thought it had a rectal thermometer sticking out.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

That last one... *horror* Ugh, I was actually *eating my breakfast* when I saw that, but now I'm not sure if I want to finish it. Well, that friend has certainly earned their right to never be trusted to buy a cake ever again, or attend a shower, or any other function...

You and John do this for a living? Poor, poor you.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSong

That last one is so wrong. On so many counts. Wow. {shakes head}

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKay

Shouldn't that be corn instead of peas?

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

THat last one is sooooo nasty, I don't see how ANYONE could possibly eat that. Gross! Cakes are supposed to be edible right?

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

It must have taken a very... "special" brand of creativity to make that last cake.

And I don't mean that in a nice way.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergrumpyghostowl

These cakes all speak for themselves, but I can't let that first one go without a comment. An extremely deformed baby on a barbecue grill, surrounded by Pabst Blue Ribbon empties, with a lovely Bonsai tree for ... what's the tree there for?

Not only do I not want whomever's behind this to bring another cake, I don't want to live on the same continent with that person.
... You might sell me on some of whatever he or she is taking that makes that cake seem OK, though.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I hate to admit this, but the first one reminds me of a terribly morbid joke my son had about The Road. From the baby scene, he called it a babyque.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdebbie

Each of these cakes is baffling to me. Won't somebody think of the children?

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPD

This set of wrecks proves Jen's oft-repeated tenet that a cake does not have to be badly executed to be a Cake Wreck. Except for the giant "Bun in the Oven" poo cake, all of these are reasonably well made. Even the "Wipe my butt" cake is impressively vomit-inducing, which was presumably the objective. And, while the intention behind the first (barbecued, mashed-up baby) cake is beyond my ken, I'm willing to assume that it achieves its intention (... just keep it away from me!).

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

there are lots of kinds of wrong in this world... and that last one has done them ALL.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterT

What the flip is that first thing supposed to be?! And that last one? It's as bad as cat litter cakes, nay- even worse! What poor taste the of both the person ordering AND the baker! Blech!

I can't even make this up... my WV is "emess" ... a perfect description of the cakes!

WV: flubaki.
When somebody flubs an attempt at baking, is the result a flubaki?

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

The diaper cake almost caused me to see my breakfast again, yuck. I think to order a cake like that you can't have any knowledge of what "class" is.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Sweet goodness, I can only hope that someone allows me to get a baby shower cake one day!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I am going to hurl.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIrisFleuron

For your B baby cake, you forgot to mention blanket and Binky.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

For your B baby cake, you forgot to mention blanket and Binky.

WV: vagbojy- not even going to go there, but had to share because it seemed appropriate to have a vag for a baby cake entry.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

Best post ever!!!!!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first cake is actually kind of cool in a weird sort of way. But that last cake. Definitely. Not. Cool.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershaz

Oh my gosh. Who would even think the last cake would be a good idea?

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

You know, somebody obviously spent a lot of time on that first cake--why didn't they also put some thought into it? Yowza. Ok, they put some thought into the alliteration, maybe?
Indigo ibexes, snort.

Love the Halloween wreck--at first glance the only thing I saw wrong with it was the squished inscription. Then the impact of the rest hit me. Like a broomstick upside the head. So to speak.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

Just ..... wow.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

I'm thinking that at least the beer cakes are supposed to be for a baby shower that includes Daddy somehow too.... still terribly tacky, but perhaps it explains why they are like that.

The last one should pretty much be outlawed. Ugh!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last cake is birth control.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am now slightly ill after that last one, and I've dealt with at least six babies in my lifetime.

All I can think of is -- this is what you get when you combine beer and it's resulting baby.

Bizarre. Beyone Bizarre.


wv - aulty This is aulty due to beer

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I can't believe any baker would actually take an order for that last cake. Shocking.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Thank God I haven't eaten breakfast yet, that last cake has my stomach tied in knots. I don't believe i've ever seen a cake that has made me feel phyically ill.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJuno

Okay, I've been reading this blog for a long time and I have to ask, what the heck is WV? I assume it doesn't stand for West Virginia.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok I agree... what were people thinking who ordered them?? But on the flip side, well done (most) bakers/decoraters for those cakes!! I mean seriously, beer and diapers?? That is amazingly realistic!! The halloween one (Other than the keester broom) is quite beautiful, and that dirty diaper?!?! Well... at least you knew what it was!!! I think it would have been funnier to do a bundled up "full" diaper with flies.... but see I'm the decorater with that sick humor!! I would never ever order one but if I made cakes and that was ordered?? That's what I would go for!!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAkira_kin

Tiny Tot tipsy on a trampoline near the tree; story at ten.

I actually like the Huggies and beer case one. All you need is the strawberry pop tarts and that's what Walmart tends to stock up on right before a big storm... Honest!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

First one must be for a baby gril!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBabs

Sorry Jen, but that first one isn't for a baby shower. It was obviously for a bonsai clubs special meeting on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome...

kidding, but you crack me up.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWilliam

I actually really liked the haloween one, although the script could be a bit tidier.

The others, well, beyond words!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersaracen77

I sincerely hope that last cake was for a "welcome baby" party where the child has been born and mommy has no trace of "morning" sickness remaining because I can promise that if that thing were to show up at *my* shower...the festivities would be brought to an abrupt end with my departure for the nearest bathroom. Yuck.

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRobynR

Just wow. Who could....???? How did...???? WHAT??

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaggie

WTF? what is wrong with people

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

On the first one, is the baby missing it's right arm because someone already claimed the "wing" or is it just another sign of wreckitude?

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterde Pizan

Babs beat me to it! It a gril!

June 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjigsawdiva

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