My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

News Bites

This week's "top" headlines, illustrated by Wrecks.
Because that's how the news should be told.

"That's 'Sir' to you!" Star Trek's Patrick Stewart knighted.

And to mark this happy occasion, the saddest Star Trek cake I have ever seen:

Eesh. That's boldly going, all right.

Tiger Woods Hits Three Fans With His Balls

This golf cake really fits the story to a "tee," don't you think?

From the article:

Asked what he discovered at Muirfield Village, Woods laughed.

“Well, I’m capable of playing four rounds in a row,” he said. “Thank you.”

Subway Teaches World What "Tessellate" Means By Finally Agreeing to Do It To Their Cheese

Note: This cheese is not tessellated.
Nor is it cheese.
Nor do I want to sink my teeth into it.

Our final headline is actually from last month, but I had to include it anyway. Here's why:

Student Being Mugged Saved By Actual Ninjas

A-ha! See, I knew it! Ninjas are both awesome AND workers for good.

Why, just look at them all here, enjoying a friendly game of soccer*:

Aw. So cute.

Alaskanmama, Lynn W., Louisa A., Mary Ann S.& Susan H., if soccer's not your thing, then here's a bakery with all KINDS of Ninja designs to choose from:

See? Something for everyone!

*Note from john: It should be noted that Jen firmly believes that anything vaguely rectangular and green with lines on it must, by default, involve soccer. I think it's because she's Irish and enjoys body paint and rioting.

Follow-Up Note from Jen: Do not! Sometimes I think they involve hockey.

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Reader Comments (76)


Yes, it's a tennis court.

Wreck On!


Ninjas are awesome. If you don't believe me, check out the West Virginia Ninja on youtube.

"Don't go ninjin' people who don't need ninjin'."

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

That second cake ( & I use the term loosely) is the most horrible thing I have seen in a long time. Not to mention the white sperm-like blob on the left & the poo-pile on the right. Egad!

wv: cheran - cheran screaming from the room after seeing all these wrecks!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am by no means a huge Star Trek fan, but I feel sorry for the person who got the first cake.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

maybe green lines + icing = football.

wv: nonfuri. No need to get upset about it!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Am I missing something? Do ninjas = phantoms? are the invisible? or just THAT fast?

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yay, Ninja cakes! At least they're not using black frosting!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

WHAT. THE. EFF. is that thing we're to "sink our teeth into" supposed to be? Someone help me out here.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNectarine

What exactly is *that* which I'm supposed to sink my teeth into?

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What IS that third one supposed to be? Ew!

I have to say, at least the shape on the first is recognizable. Even if it formed in poo.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

Um, Jen? Are you sure that second cake doesn't fit the headline for when Lorena Bobbit, you know, "attacked" her husband and threw his thing out the car window?

"Woman 'dismembers' husband and throws 'evidence' out car window"

'cause, there's a shriveled little thing on the left in the grass (nice tufts!) and some dog poop on the right. Maybe the white explains some balled up handkerchief she had it in and the wreckerator was kind enough not to include blood.

Either that or this is a REALLY bad model of the earth (with a tiny ocean, a mislocated iceberg, and lots and lots of land.)

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

News Bites should be a regular feature. Seriously,

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlex Getts

what is that third cake supposed to be? and is it a cake or a giant, oblong truffle?

it looks like someone had a little too much fun with an old football....

*removes mind from gutter and scrubs on a washboard*

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Actually, that cheese looks kind of like a" rel="nofollow">fractal to me.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterUnclGhost

saddest star trek cake, yes; but I am a huge tennis fan, and please, that is the saddest, most pathetic sketch of a tennis court. A green background, a few straight lines, a little bit of homework, is that too much to ask?

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVK

definitely a tennis court. i feel like the game. set. match makes that clear. although nothing else does lol

I'm drawing a blank.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

why are there angled white lines on the field, no matter what the sport????

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"maybe green lines + icing = football."

oops. I meant green rectangle + white lines = icing. sorry. getting interrupted over here!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Tessellated cheese! It's about time they got the geometry of the cheese correct.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMorning Glory

Actually, Ninjas are jerks.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I think there's something wrong with me that when I hear "tessellate" I think of A Wrinkle in Time and "tesseract" and I get giddy for some extra-dimensional hopping around.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

Actually, I think the motto "Game, Set. Match" implies that it's an Epcot.

... Wait, are you saying that second one has somethng to do with golf? Isn't it an illustration of symptoms your dog is sick, made for someone's vet-school graduation?

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Definitely soccer field. They have the corner marks and everything. Just missing the goals.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzie

"Tiger hits three fans with his balls" can be taken a couple of ways...

trying to figure out how that applies to that cake though. where did he hit that guy??? *scrutinizes the flesh colored blob on the left*

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@Danielle: "I think there's something wrong with me that when I hear "tessellate" I think of A Wrinkle in Time and "tesseract" and I get giddy for some extra-dimensional hopping around."

Me too! that was my favorite childhood book!

meanwhile that "fractal" looks like a certain type of splatter on that last cake...

wv: cadshipe: A sailing vessel full of promiscuous men. A cruise for singles.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

shouldn't the tennis cake have a net? that would help...

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I FINALLLLLYYYYY got my name on cake wrecks. WHOOO HOOOO!!!! Thanx to my teen daughter for showing my a cake and swearing it was a wreck!!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjustfrosting

Oh look, one of the alien life forms that Captain Picard & his Enterprise seeks out has boldly gone and done a triangular poo!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

WTF is the third one supposed to be???

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I think John cheated! (First, indeed.)

WV: unsurpri - I have ADD and I am not at all surpri... ooh, another cake wreck!


June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTracy O

The third one is a chocolate cheesesteak from Chocolate by Mueller at the Reading Terminal Market in Philadelphia. They started making them after the well-known cheesesteak guy was unceremoniously kicked out of the market last year and all the vendors started making their own variations of cheesesteaks in solidarity.

Their chocolate isn't bad, but the bakery (Termini Brothers) in the stall across from them is FABULOUS - their cakes are most definitely NOT wrecks!!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMolly Beth

NINJAS! Weeee!

Hee! I love that Jen does not deny the body paint and rioting, but only points out that it could be involved with both soccer AND hockey!

I think the cheese thing is supposed to be some sort of bread/sandwich? I am guessing based on the cheese and Subway references....please, please, please let it be a sandwich! Either that or a football with the "stuffing" leaking out. Oh, wait, footballs don't have stuffing...


June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Tiger Woods hits three fans with his balls" - wasn't that a headline from December? And wasn't it more than three?

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMallie

ummm...I'm not liking what "I" see in the 3rd cake...
think gynecological exam...and maybe you will see it too.


June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

A photo of "Underside of a gumboot chiton" showed up on the TYWKIWDBI blog today. What a coincidence! It looks just like the "Subway" cake. I'll go so far as to say it's not a cake shaped like a Subway sandwich but a cake shaped like "Underside of a gumboot chiton"!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergfxchick

But what if for some reason you HAD to sink your teeth into that thing? Like, I dunno, if your life literally depended on it and you knew it was sink your teeth into the infected eye cake, or be no more. What does one do in a situation like that?

It is fun to see the verification words tie in to our comments. THis one is fleye. Aaaaanyway thank you for keeping a bit of fun in our days!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

@Nectarine I think it's an homage to an eye infection. Orr a bery large bird poopie

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

Woooooooow. I almost cried when i saw that star trek cake. i feel bad for the person who recieved it.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

*giggle* "Tiger Woods Hits Three Fans With His Balls" Even without the cake my mind immediately went somewhere dirty.
Speaking of ninjas, have you heard of the ninja restaurant? I don't know the name of it because the first place I heard about it was a hilarious YouTube video, but I believe it's in New York and is full of win.

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSami

I'd love to help choose the new book cover, but linky no worky :(

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

Tacky lol....

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~Nikki~

You missed kind of a big news story

and a great excuse to feature horrible space and rocket cakes.

SpaceX, Hawthorne, CA

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrs

First time viewing comments:
WV = spootrix

ok. Giggle. Back to work.

2nd view of a couple hours later:
WV = ruierp


June 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

where is my gymnastics cake?

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anon @ 2:48,

Um... what?


A proper Star Trek communicator cake. Done by my mom, an amature (albeit an experienced one!) for my sister's birthday last year:" rel="nofollow"> Star Trek Communicator for Caitlin's B-day (on facebook)

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

In Celebration of the Knighthood I Give you my Combadge cake.

Before any of you say it i know the colors are backwards!

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

What a day this has been so far.

The Star Trek cake has it where ALMOST everyone gets a candle on his or her piece! (woohoo.)

Golf cake has red stickers on it, showing a price CUT! Another bonus!

And to THINK....(!!!)... that I might have lived the whole rest of my life not knowing what "tessellate"
means, or how to parse it.

The only thing that makes this day just a little sad for me is this: I don't understand why anyone would want to set a match to that lovely green windowpane cake (and consider it a "game"!) That is just terrible. Some people just can't be nice.


June 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

It's poo Jim, but not as we know it......

June 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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