My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Seedy Celebration

It's National Watermelon Day.


And you know what that means, right?

Time to buy a cake.

Do those look like minnows? Just a tad, Pole.

(No, I've never met anyone named "Pole" before, either. But - BUT - John is Polish. I sometimes affectionately refer to him as "Pole," ok? You don't know. Look, bottom line: just WORK WITH THE PUN, people, ok? Work...with the pun.)

So, how can YOU celebrate National Watermelon Day?

With healthy stuff, of course!

You know, like oil-soaked Cheetos:

Erm. Wrong oil.

Or a traditional "ICU" Melon:

Don't make me call Gallagher, punk.

Or perhaps some exotic plant life:


Or, um, vampire ants?

"Vlad! Mortimor! Pull out! Ve've sucked 'er dry!

Teresa, Emily B., Beth, Missy M., & Erica H., I think I'm going to need a "Beware Mortimor the Vampire Ant" t-shirt. Can any of you do something about that?

>:= <--That's my vampire ant emoticon. You like?

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Reader Comments (87)

So, first of all, that juicy looking one really DOES look just like Audrey II! Crazy...

Also, "Pole" could be a last name, yeah? Like in the Chronicles of Narnia, Jill goes by her last name, Pole almost the whole time.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Hahaha!!! Gallagher!

(but the "ants" look more like leeches on the "oily" melon) *shudder*

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Ewwww.... There's sperm on my watermelon.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Seedy... haha. I like it!

So I was going to mention Jill Pole from the Chronicles of Narnia, but Gina got there first. :<

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBeka C.

That ICU watermelon is freaking me out. It's eyes follow me wherever I am in the room. Yikes!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstuckinmypedals

Ooh! I can make you a shirt like that! Or you can make one for yourself...

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMike

LOL, love that last one!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterConnie Moreno

*seconds Gina's Narnia vote*

And I love the emoticon.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Those are not oil-soaked cheetos... those are clearly leaches.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMim

Little Shop of Horrors! One of my all time faves! I gotta say though, that "watermelon" looks WAY scarier than Audrey II ever did!!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGiana

I want Crazy Lou! Bring back Crazy Lou!!!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaff

Feed me Seymour. Feed me all night lo-ong!

Hurray for Little Shop of Horrors, one of the cheesiest B-horror movies made into a hilarious musical. Adding watermelon would have indeed made it creepier.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrandon

Feed me Seymour. Best line. EVER!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm on Team Mortimer!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEllex

My daughter said, "Hey! There's worms on that cake!" when she saw that second one. :)

Have any of these wreckerators actually seen a watermelon?

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTara

Does the second one look like the nucleus to a cell to anyone else?

And why would anyone want to eat anything that looks like squished spiders on it?!?

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

I feel shame. Other people went to the Narnia reference with "Pole." I went to the junior-high snickering at calling your husband that...

And, btw, I love the vampire ant emoticon!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarshall Smith

Gina beat all of us...Jill Pole was my immediate thought! :)

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

Read "The Silver Chair" by C.S. Lewis and you'll know who Pole is:) There really is someone of that name!!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergypsy@Hebrews11:13

Haha, did you ever read "Bunnicula" as a child? The last cake reminds me of one of those books... "IT'S A WHITE ZUCCHINI!" Okay, you have to read it to get it, but it's a fond memory. ;)

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

The emoticon reminds me more of the rabbit from Monty Python's Holy Grail!

Which makes sense, because I thought the vampire ants must be working with Bunnicula!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdharmamama

Err, cake #2? The olive looking've got caterpilliars :P

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjengersnap

What about Polgara's nickname, from David Edding's Belgariad/Mallorean series? (Though I pronounce it more like "pahl" in my head...)

Reminds me of a pun on utensil I once tried, assuming there's a name "Sil" out there...

Oh, and...those cakes are wrecky. Mm-hmm.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

Everyone else is laughing about the ants, or Pole... but I'm still snickering at the first couple of lines. Why buy a CAKE on Watermelon Day?

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Cake #2 looks like it was decorated by my elderly cat who doesn't always make it all the way into the litter box.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMorning Glory

Wow, first tadpoles and then...leeches! Yes, just what I wanted on my cake! And I would SO eat that big cootie-lipped cake, a cookie is still a cookie. :) Love the Gallagher reference (whatever happened to him? He was hilarious! Someone should do a Gallagher cake!)
Hey! I'm Polish too! :)

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGrnEyes

These are awesome. I love that national watermelon day is in the summer. I guess that makes sense haha. But what's more awesome is that I'm sitting on the couch next to an open window and need a blanket on national watermelon day. I love living in the northwest.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

Pole is also a character in the Ender's Game series (I think she's featured a lot Ender's Shadow).

Hip hip for Pole!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteravermont

ewww, the one with the ants just really grosses me out!!!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterConsultant Calamities

Ha! I totally forgot about sending that CCC in! The weirdest thing for me is that the grocery store where I found it is no longer in business. It was an Albertson's, which went out of business here in Orlando and the buildings were bought out by Sedano's.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

When I worked at a preschool in Boston I used to tell the kids stories about "Mortimor" the ugly-but-friendly troll that lived in the T...

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

seriously i dont think some of these people have every seen watermelon before!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Watch out: Your vampire emoticon is dangerously close to a Hitler emoticon.


August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGreer

Love the black oil!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Hays

Definitely sperm on that first one!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfowler

I was going to mention The Silver Chair, from the Narnia series but that Gina beat me to it.So I got the name of the book in!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

Because my sister was sort of named after Jill Pole, Gina said what I was thinking. She's also named after Bruce Campbell, but that's another story for another time.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSeungmina

@Amanda--YES! I immediately thought BUNNICULA! on the last one. Now I have to go buy it for my daughter....

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

I have to send in a 3rd or a 4th "Woot" out for Bunnicula.

Loved the vampire ant emoticon and must say that although I read The Chronicles of Narnia, Ender's Game and the Belgeriad, each with a Pole character, my mind immediately went to the gutter. Go Jen Go!

~A different Jenn in Forest Grove

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Many years ago, my friend was in a sailboat contest. He was of Polish descent (had a great name to prove it) and had a beard.

The rules called for not using the whisker pole on the boat during the race.

Someone jokingly called out my friend's team for using a "whiskered Pole".

who is a Narnian expert and loved the transformation of Jill Pole from "The Silver Chair" to "The Last Battle"

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSue KuKu

The ICU one looks like a whale with a really bad rash.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterQuats

I actually went to highschool with someone named "Pole" but it was spelled Pohl.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterelh

Okay, the little watermelon with the eyes is just freaking adorable!

(p.s. my captcha word is "bakers"... WIN!)

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin - Thrift Madness

Little Shop of Horrors 2: Audrey II vs. Mortimer the Vampire Ant!!!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterQueen Julian XIII

Hey! That last cake is repeat!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermimi

Awwww, didn't think that bottom one was so bad..compared to the cupcake thing, it's a work of art!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermizdarlin

I don't know about tadpoles on the first one but they definitely look like swimmers.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

Actually, if somebody would please call Gallagher, he'd know just what to do with these cakes...

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjj

Actually, compared to the others in this post, the first cake with the tadpole/sperm/minnows wasn't too horrible. I thought it at least vaguely resembled a real watermelon.

And much love to the fellow bunnicula fans. That last one definitely looks like something out of "The Celery Stalks at Midnight."

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJason

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