My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Whirled Series

And now your Sports History Minute, brought to you by Cake Wrecks. Because they know soooo much about sports.

On this day in the year 1900, St. Louis chose a new name for its baseball team: the St. Louis Cardinals. This was a vast improvement over their last name, the St. Louis Perfectos, which I am totally not making up.

Little did the St. Louisianites know that "Cardinals" was nearly impossible for most bakers to spell.

Who ya gonna call?


(see what I did there?)


Also, it was soon discovered that their mascot, Fredbird the Cardinal (still not making this up), was nearly impossible to draw:

Although he does kind of look like a Fredbird.

(And that's a bird you cannot change!)


Skip forward 111 years to the day when, by a stroke of luck, squirrel-about-town Irving* happened to dash across the home plate during the pitch at a Cardinals game. When the Cardinals then won the game, it was decided that Irving should be their new, unofficial mascot!

Because that makes total sense.

*May not be his real name.

Everyone was thrilled, with the possible exception of Irving, who is a squirrel and therefore couldn't possibly give a rodent's posterior about the whole thing.


Most excited were the bakers, because now they could stop trying to draw cardinals!

And draw little red gumball machines on slightly demented "squirrels," instead!


They also shortened the impossible-to-spell "Cardinals" to "Cards," because "Cards" is much more squirrelly.


But most importantly, bakers were able to break out their favorite #2 tips and brown icing and finally squeeze out a mascot St. Louis could be proud of:

See? Totally killed it.

Plus, I think even Fredbird would agree that flaming/bloody tail is a vast "impoovment."


Thanks to Steve J., Diana W., Robin D., Hawaii B., M+G., and Hannah M. who tell me that's a cake only a Texas Ranger could love.

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Reader Comments (76)

Pretty sure that was the first time a flaming turd made me cry. Also pretty sure that this is the first time I've used "flaming turd" in a sentence.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

They should have stuck with the St. Louis Perfectos. It sound like the name of a cigar, and cigars are easy to make. Although, if not carefully crafted, they have a tendency to look like ... Ohhh. Never mind.
Well, I like the realism of the last one. It looks like the flattened squirrels I see littering the streets every day. It just reminds me of home...

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I love them all, but that last one of the squirrel humping the baseball, well, it's in a class by iteslf, but hey, sports have never made sense to me anyhow.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLily

I'm pretty sure the 'Cardnials' cakes are referring to the Arizona Cardinals, not the St Louis ones, as they depict football fields rather than baseball diamonds.

Unless, of course, the cakes are between 24 and 51 years old, which would really be a different problem entirely.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlawrence

Oh goody, that the flaming poo cake says it's "for two". I can share my poo cake with someone special. Lucky them!

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCeeCee

Ironically, Irving the Squirrel's *real* name was actually "Perfecto."

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I gotta say that although all of those "squirrels" seemed creapy/gross to me the baker did a pretty bang-up job of getting at least the tail looking like a squirrel's tail in the second "squirrel" cake, too bad s/he made the rest of the squirrel look like a pile of feses.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoelle

I was at the game where the squirrel first ran onto the field (and, I don't believe he ran across home plate but was mostly in the outfield, for what that matters) and (aside from the win) it was the best part of the game! Though poorly executed, I'm glad to see that bakers are capitalizing on this fun and, even more so, that wreckporters are getting their efforts to Cake Wrecks in such a timely fashion so we can all enjoy their, of art.
Ditto to what Lawrence said about picture number two. Also, I don't think that cardinal on #3 is attempting to be Fred Bird. Looks more like an attempt at the Arizona (football) Cardinal helmet logo. St. Louis Cardinals don't have any logo with a side view like that. And, Fred Bird is more cartoony than anything else.
Wonder if there are any cakes with attempts to draw the Busch Clysdales (another animal "mascot" frequently connected to the St. Louis Cardinals). Those could be to google "clysdale cakes"....

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

As a non-Cardinal fan being forced to live in St Louis, I can say that beyond a shadow of a doubt this is my FAVORITE thing about this year's world series!

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

I think the tail of the squirrel on the cookie is cute--but that's all. I'd probably eat that and leave the rest.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

On the other hand...GO RANGERS!!! Team motto: "A squirrel? Really, that's the best you got?"

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChuck Baudelaire

The "fredbird" looks like what might happen if a sheep mated with an amoeba.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPatience

"...for I'm as Fred as a bird now and this bird you cannot change..."

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLynyrd Skynyrd

Baseball, poo, and southern rock! The trifecta of the American pastimes! Gotta love 'em! Thanks for the Lynyrd Skynyrd reference...I'll be humming their songs all day.... You rock...while I roll on the floor with laughter.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

Rodent's posterior! HA! You kill me.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdria

As you recounted the story of Fredbird, I, in my geekiness, was reminded uncontrollably of Fred Fredburger from "The Grim Adventures Of Billy And Mandy". Did anybody else ever watch that show? (Because I know SOOO much about sports.... And crickets chirp.)

Okay! Anybody got some nachos?

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Today's commentary *totally* makes up for yesterday's repea... Excuse me..."encore presentation." My cube neighbors are wondering what I'm giggling at.

Quit nitpicking about *which* cardials team these wrecks are for. This is Jen, remember?

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

Only 5 days until Toronto! Yeah!

Take me out to the ball game,
I’ll yell “Go Cards!” right out loud.
Cake Wrecks is so educational;
Who knew that poop was combustible?

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

And the squirrel's name is Rally, just for the record. :)

[Editor's note- I believe his name is actually Squeeksqueeksqueekitysqueekums but you wouldn't know that unless you spoke squirrel. -john (the squeekity of squeeker)

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDucky

Is it just me or does it seem the six-fingered man played for the Cardials?

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Oh, wait. There are two little horizontal lines on that "finger", so I guess it's the webbing.


That's my tribute to Gilda Radner. ; )

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Thank you Fluffy Cow! The wrecks were entertaining as ususal, but the "flaming turd" reference set me into giggle fits that alarmed my cubicle mates. ROTFLMAO!

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlabgoddess

You should know, that since you are visiting St. Louis in a week and a half, you may want to be a little nicer to our hometown heros!! ;-) GO CARDS!!! How about making fun of the Rangers?!

[Editor's note- We are in no way making fun of the Cardinals. The Cardinals are amazing. The Rangers are amazing. But have you ever seen a Ranger cake? Neither have I. -john (GO RED SOX!!! WOOO!!!)

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulieF (Go Cards!!! WOOO)

I think Irving should be the new mascot of something....even with a gumball machine on his head.


October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim

The third cake doesn't look anything like a bird to me. It looks like a buffalo with issues.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMoe

Aaaawwwwwww where's the Rangers love???? No one does wrecks better than TX!!!

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKris

There is a strong look of concern on my face. I don't know much about baseball, but I sure hope the team has had just as much luck in the game as the bakers have had a lack of luck on the cakes.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia

I saw that last squirrel on the road today. Poor squirrel.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

I kinda like the tail on the cookie cake. poo-star tip works well for some texture.

but the last squirrel/bloody poo-streak? the label claims "cake for two" but I don't see anything resembling cake. maybe they forgot to put it under the poo-icing.

the demented beaver with the gumball on his head is just begging to be whacked. he's freaking me out.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteranonymous

#1 Baseball fan or not, one has to admire the seconds of planning that must have gone into this.

#2 The diagonal placement of the yard lines does suggest a diamond. Maybe the wreckerator wasn't sure: "The order says 'two Cardinals cakes', but it doesn't say baseball or football. I could make one of each...nah, better to just merge the two sports. Also, the customer spelled 'Cardnials' wrong -- I'd better fix it so that they won't be embarrassed."

#3 I see a torch. With an eye. Hey, what I know about pro sports teams could fill a postcard. If I wrote really large and double-spaced it, that is.

#4 'Cupcake critter with icing' looks more like an 'Icing critter that may or may not contain cupcakes'.

#5 Irving, I hear you, man. That whole 'rodent's posterior' thing, that is.

#6 At least it's fresh. That didn't help. [Deliberately looking at it another way...] It took me a minute to see the cake. Even allowing for the angle distorting the scale, there still seems to be a frosting-to-cake ratio well in the CCC range. I like buttercream as much as the next person (if the next person is a MAJOR fan of buttercream), but there is such a thing as propriety. No, really. I read it on Wikipedia, so it must be true.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Love the post! As a native St. Louis girl and die-hard Cardinals fan I find these cakes pretty hilarious. The squirrel cakes got an extra chuckle. They managed to turn our cute rally squirrel into blobs of pooh. But, I thought I'd point out that some of those cakes are for the Arizona Cardinals and the Louisville Cardinals.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I showed the last "squirrel" to my three year old son. He took one look and said, "Ewwwww, that's poop. That's poop, isn't it, Mama?". Not sure which made me laugh harder, my son or the cake!

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjshouse

Elissa, it's not nitpicking when you just love your team and can recognize them even out of a wreck.
No offense meant to poor Jen. ;)

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

The Cardinals were the "Perfectos" for one year in 1899. Before that they were the St. Louis Browns, which ironically does a better job of explaining the poop squirrels.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Really, people, nitpicking about Baseball versus Football. Actually, I believe both teams played field hockey at EPCOT. :-)

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermouse

As a Cardinals fan, I was thrilled to see this post. I really hope those cakes weren't made in St. Louis. If they were, those people should be ashamed of themselves. Not knowing how to spell Cardinals?! Maybe they should just stick to cakes for the Rams.
The rally squirrel is awesome. I think he just ran through the outfield during the first LDS game in St. Louis, but in the second, he did run across Skip Shumaker's feet when he was batting, which I think is what Jen is talking about. Priceless.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShauna

Why is it so hard to believe that Fredbird is the cardinal mascot? Cardinals are also called redbirds, so his name is --> Fredbird. You want a weird mascot? My high school mascot was a shell. Yep, the Roxana Shells, in Roxana, IL - home of Shell Oil many years ago. They generously donated all of the land for the junior high, high school, stadium, etc. Almost 25 years later, I'm "Proud to be a Shel!" Oh, the symbol on top of our class rings was an oil tanker driving behind three big tanks of oil!

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

John> you made me sqeeeeek/giggle, I didn't know you spoke squirrel so well! See you and Jen tonight in Boston(ish), I'm leaving Maine very soon! Woot!

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPeg D

DARNIT!!! I am immensely envious as I saw that squirrely/poo (Spwirly, Squipoo) cookie cake at my local grocery store just yesterday and thought...I should TOTALLY take a picture and send to Cakewrecks, but, the cake is right at the checkout counter, there are several checkers looking at me suspicously, and I'm ultimately a coward. Bravo, wreckporter...whomever you are. Go Cards!
14 days til St. Louis!

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney

That was it's tail?

Anyway - Go Cards

Jilly-bear (in St. Louis)

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJill

I almost sent you pictures of turds/rally squirrels! lol I regret I did not have my camera with me.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMisty o C

Just to clarify ... the second picture is of a cake made for the ARIZONA Cardinals football team. And their mascot is named BIG RED! Perhaps the St. Louis Cardinals baseball team named their mascot FredBird? Whatever - I still laughed while reading your post .... as I do on a daily basis! haha Keep up the good work! And ENJOY your road trip! (The pics certainly look like you are! The cakes are great!)

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPattyMadeIt

So excited to see the Cards represented that I didn't even notice the football fields or think of the Arizona Cardinals. My eyes go straight to the misspellings! I was going to point out that there was more than 1 squirrel sighting, which was already done. If memory serves correctly, there was a third where the squirrel jumped into the stands and ran for it's life! My son is convinced the squirrel is the same one that frequents our yard and heads up north for a game now and then. Hoping to see you in person, Jen, next month, but it may not work out for me. Go Cards!! I'll still love you, no matter what the cakes look like!

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjane

So, the Cardinals' mascot is now a pile of, er, squirrel?

I've seldom been so happy to be from Dallas.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

My three year old says Fredbird is a sheep, not a bird. There is no convincing him otherwise.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Gee, Chuck, I thought the Rangers' motto was: "Oh my God, it's Pujols! WALK HIM AS MANY TIMES AS POSSIBLE!!" ;)

Is Fredbird really that strange of a mascot? Children love him. He gives them kisses by "beaking" them. I think Fredbird is cute. The Fredbird cake, however, is not. Neither are the scary squirrel cakes. Something that resembles fecal material should never be put on anything edible. Ever.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

I haven't been to this site in a while but today is my sister's birthday. I've taken to posting pics of cake wrecks on my friends' Facebook pages for their birthdays. I visit here more often in the spring, particularly March. ^_^

I also noticed the new "Sunday Sweets Directory". I was perusing the list and was surprised to find a bakery from my hometown listed. My hometown is relatively small. However, I was even MORE surprised when I clicked on the link for said bakery to find out that it is owned by a girl I went to school with! (Grade school, Jr. High and High school) The world shrinks a little more every day! O.o

I <3 Cake Wrecks! ^_^

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEi-chan

To give equal time--(there are two teams in the World Series, after all)-- where are the Rangers' wrecks?

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

My favorite high school team nickname is also in Illinois: the Marco (Illinois) Polos. I also like the Freeport (Illinois) Pretzels. There are two "Cheesemakers": Monroe, Wisconsin, and Tillamook, Oregon.

I must be traveling on now. There's too many cake wrecks I've got to see.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge P

1. Squeeksqueeksqueekitysqueekums.
B. St Louis Browns as a viable explanation for poopsquirrels.
3. "I'm Proud to Be a Shell."

My big three honking laughs of the day.

October 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

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