Countdown to V-day

With Valentine's Day coming up, you might be wondering what to get your significant other for the occasion. Other than roses, chocolates, and cheap stuffed animals, I mean. Because, obviously, those are required. [stern face]

Well, fortunately for you, bakeries still have lots of sweet, romantic options tailor-made to fit your snuggly bun's personality to a "t." Check it out:

For the co-dependent:

When your boyfriend starts crying, you'll know it's only because he's so happy.

For the stalker:

Quietly delivered when they least expect it.

*Hidden recorder that plays your personal greeting available for an additional charge.

For the hopeless romantic:

You see plastic frogs and crumbling icing.

She sees a chance to fix you.

For the one who wants something sexy:

With extra sprinkles for that really intimate experience.

For the Class Act:

A temporary tattoo for a permanent affectation. "Which doesn't need a permanent tattoo, baby, 'cuz your love is a tattoo on my heart. You feel me? My heart.

"Seriously, I'm not getting your name tattooed on my chest. So stop asking."

For the kid at heart:

Hey, it's only as disturbing as you let it be.

[...]

Which, in my case, is pretty darn disturbing.

[sing-song] "Who wants to suck the icing off Barbie's leeee-eeg?"

Yup. Disturbing.

Thanks to snuggly buns Lewis R., Madlyn, Kristie B., Dru Q., Sarah M., & Sherry G.