[adjusting bow tie] "Welcome, gentle beings, to the grand opening of SplüüRff.
"All of our works here tonight have been created by world-renowned artists, and are available for sale for far more than you can possibly
afford. So, let's begin.
"Our first piece was painted by Japanese artist Noh Wei using traditional oils. Her inspiration was taken from the ocean, mother earth, and the organic nature of the gore splatters in Bikini Slasher Kill Zone 4: Revenge of the Waxers"
"It sells for $490,000.
"Our next piece comes from Swedish craftsman Joques Onyu. Joques spent three years in isolation to focus on this masterpiece, during which time he subsisted solely on prune juice and Ranch flavored Bugles."
"It sells for $893,000.
"The much lauded Yuki Grohs is known for her daring and unconventional techniques. This piece, for example, was constructed using squeeze mayo while the artist was blindfolded and spinning around on a wheelie office chair."
"It sells for $10 million.
"Another avant-garde darling of the art world, the 'Do' Dude uses his trademark combination of gold leaf and 'personal bodily secretions' to both shock and intrigue viewers."
"This mixed-media masterpiece sells for 11.2 million.
"Please feel free to browse the rest of our gallery, where you'll find even more distinguished masterworks, such as:
'Summer Daisies for Janet'
'Grilled Cheese Electric Chair'$27.5 million
'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'$17.5 million
"And, of course, our most coveted new piece...
'Coffee Cake with Icing'$6.00
Thanks to wreckporters Christie R., Aimee W., Alyssa H., Holly L., Laura M., Christy S., Liz C., Anita M., & Stephanie F. for the art attacks.