It's Not Creepy If You're Married

John, sweetie, I just want you to know that I think you are all the way beautiful. Not just handsome, but smart, and kind-hearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you...


And maybe we'd have a couple of chubby, freckle-faced kids:

And we'd laugh ALL DAY LONG.

...and go camping, play Yahtzee, and tell ghost stories by the fire.

And every day, for the rest of your life, you would thank God... that I was the appropriate maturity level for you.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt.

I think you're very special.

And most of all, I wish you love, and I wish you contentment, and I wish you would put some pants on while I'm talking to you.

That's all.

Thanks to Kate B., Judi G., Camille B., Aria P., Reba S., Jennifer L., Adrienne, and Jamie B. for helping me get that out there. And to Jim Carrey for leading the way.