My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Beby "Love"

Our official Wrecky Minion/Helper, Julianne, is due to have a little wreckie literally at any moment. In fact, Julianne, if you're reading this, PUSH 'EM OUT, SHOVE 'EM OUT, WAAAAY OUT!!


John and I are of course being as supportive as we possibly can, in the sense that Julianne doesn't have to file your submissions while she's actually in labor. ("You're welcome, lady!") She also seems to appreciate the plastic sheeting we have draped over all the furniture when she visits, and our constant offers of moist towelettes and pickles.

So today's post is for you, Julianne. Because we care. But know very little about babies. Or baby showers. Or what, exactly, you're supposed to write on a baby shower cake.

Oh, well, that wasn't so hard!

But tell me: do these things always require balls of steel? And brass? Brass and steel balls, I mean? You know, those balls there. The balls on the cake. (Why does everyone keep flinching when I talk about cake balls?)

And speaking of cake blue balls:

I just realized why they're called cake "pops."

Booya! Who's your daddy?!



Er. Maybe we should go back to shower cakes.

Or "SKRWER" cakes.

Just don't say it out loud. There are "bebys" here.


But really, do we NEED all these properly spelled "words" and "complete" "sentences?" OF COURSE NOT. Let's just get right to the heart of the matter:

Less awesome.



(I mean, seems to me they're always crying.)


This is a job for... The A Team.


Of course, sometimes mere words are inadequate.

Sometimes you need a Playboy bikini top, sunburned cleavage, a protruding foot, and a snapshot from The Ring to convey your true feelings:

Ah, yeah. Can you feel it?!

Julianne? Julianne? Hey, where'd you go?


Thanks to Sarah H., Anony M., Kim G., Kelly L., Caitlin P., Monika L., & Anony M., who are still trying to figure how many babies are supposed to be in that belly.

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Reader Comments (76)

This looks like a job for....

Justin Baby-er!

OOOOh! Baby, Beby, Babby, OOOOh!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermeeshybee Do those cake balls have SPERM on them??

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercakeburnette


The last one is just creepy....... **sigh**

Best wishes Julianne!!!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

1. Somebody's been paying attention to this blog. "I'm not even going to try to order a clever or fanciful cake for this baby shower; they always turn out awful." Unfortunately, they then proceeded to order their unassailable cake in all the colors of a newborn's poop. Yes, even iridescent blue.

2. When it comes to cakey depictions of the Miracle of Life, sperm-and-ovum cake balls (with sprinkles) are at the more tasteful end of the spectrum.

3. Is... is that a cheesecake?

4. how is cookie formed / how girl get awesome

5. If you stare at this CCC long enough, you should see the image of a Cordon Bleu chef weeping uncontrollably. In 3D!

6. It's Crumbs

7. Looks like Amber' is doing all right for herself.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
“Baby Shower” cakes with nothing else written
Blue frosted cake pops with white spermy springs
These cakes are some of the wreckiest things

I think dear “Itzel’s” a blast-ended skrewt
Still, Babby’s awesome – yes, that’s absolute
Happy babies come on birthing drug’s wings
These cakes are some of the wreckiest things

“Apostrophe backwards e’s” the new grammar
Coffee ground sprinkles give cakes so much glamour
Order “pink bunny cake – just not boring”
Bet your cake’s one of the wreckiest things

When you order
A shower cake
But it comes out bad
Remember Cake Wrecks is for wreckiest things
Revenge makes you feel soooo glad

Good Luck, Julianne!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

As Julianne is discovering, delivering a baby does require balls of steel.
But in the end you have a beautiful baby who brings joy and sleepless nights to you life, unlike looking at these cakes that just bring sleepless nights.

After I'm done here, I'm going out to get my Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockey a cake ball (a sprinly one, not a spermy one.) Although she never complains, I think she'd enjoy a change. And the carrot could use a rest.

"Happy Beby Shrwr Itzel," sounds just like I would sound if I were drunk at Itzel's shower.
It's a shame. I really love Itzel.

Babby IS awesom. I know Babby, and YOU Itzel, are no Babby!

"Happy Baby," is a wonderful wish. Happy Baby, Julianne!!

"It's Girl" - Simple direct. Why go on and on about it?

Is this from that TLC show, "Whoremom?" It looks like Tyfinee's baby has really long legs.

K-gotta go, Carrot Jockey is now whining for a cakeball. You know how little plastic Mohawk babies can be...

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Love the Bill Cosby reference!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKD

this is a job for the A team... hahahahahahaha! I literally fell off my chair and surely bruised my bottom laughing at that one! nice!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermalisa

Has the economy gotten so bad the naked mohawk baby carrot jockeys have to moonlight as the naked mohawk baby cakepop jockeys now? What a sad world we have become.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonna M

Oh my goodness Sharyn, you slay me!
I was just thinking that those babes need a carrot to ride (Ticket to Ride immediately started playing in my head) but I just can't bring myself to go any further with it. Anyone want to pick that up and run with it?

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

LOL and LMBO!!!!!

Way to go, Sharyn!!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, says "It's Girl!" like slimy strawberries and banana slugs!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Baby blue cake balls. With sperm. Someone's got a twisted sense of humor.

What is an "Itzel"? And what exactly is coating those strawberries on that cake?

And whoever came up with the idea that a pregnant woman's stomach needs a peephole... um, no.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

Oh, and congratulations, Julianne! I hope you didn't hear too many horror stories about labor. I did it 4 times, and it seems whenever you're pregnant, people have to tell you all the sordid details. Like you want to know the worst possible scenario when it's too late. :)

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

Thanks. Just...thank you. This was a great post.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

1. Love the unenthused period. Ironically, pregnancy is supposed to mean missed periods.

6. Were they planning to use the extra space for something?

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

All that great wreckage, yet all I can think is "If a wrecker has an air paint gun, every cake is a graffiti wall - a plaid graffiti wall"

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspel chek

The plaid CCC makes my eyes hurt!! >_<

Banana slugs, indeed!! Nearly choked at that one!! LOL

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

Seventeen and a half years ago when I got the ultrasound photo of my baby girl (she has 3 big brothers) the ultrasound technician said, "That's a pretty baby!" At first I thought she was just spouting platitudes, and that she said that to every mom. Then I got thinking about those other mama's... the ones who did NOT get that report. The ones whose babies were NOT pretty.... that's the photo on that Playboy bunny's tummy. NOT pretty baby.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDD

Almost forgot to wish Julianne a short, boring labor and a long, happy life. Happy Baby, Julianne!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Bahaha Sharyn, you are hysterical as always :D those cakes make me weep for the future-what kind of illeterates are out there?!?!?!? D:

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I love the "Happy Baby!" cake. Well, the sentiment, at least.
When my son turned one, we gave him cake (his first significant amount of sugar) and told him "Happy Birthday!" He licked his plate clean, and then stumbled around the living room, totally buzzed, repeating "Heppy Bebby!"

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKim L.

Do I really have to look through the stomach window?

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Based on 'That Girl' theme song (60's TV show):

Steel balls, Brass balls, Poop colors,
It's Girl
Sperm pops, Ovum pops, Jockeys ...
That It's Girl
She's at the bakery ...
She's everything that every cake shouldn't be!

It's Girl
A-Team, Size FFF, Triplets?
That It's Girl
She's mine alone, but luckily for you ...
If you find a cake that's wrecked,
Any cake that is wrecked,
Then it'll be on Cake Wrecks too ...
It's Girl!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Where have all the carrots gone?
Fondant passing
Where have all the carrots gone?
Cake pop to go
Where have all the carrots gone?
Turned to flotsam every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the letter A's gone?
Piping passing
Where have all the letter A's gone?
Grammar to go
Where have all the letter A's gone?
Scared off by banana slugs every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where has all the decency gone?
Pan-Wow® passing
Where has all the decency gone?
Clothing no go
Where has all the decency gone?
Chased off by bunnies and Big Foot every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDB

I saw a thing on teh interwebz last spring on making carrot-shaped cake pops for Easter.

I think I know what needs to be served for your next book tour.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

zoomon -- for you:

This baby’s riding naked
I think it’s today, yeah
A cake to mess with your head
Is coming your way, yeah

He's got a carrot to ri-hide
He's got a carrot to ri-hi-hide
He's got a carrot to ride
And mohawk hair

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Does the fruit topped cake have canned peaches on it? Ew.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMrsJacobs

I can't help but think of that Yahoo Answers question that went like this:

"How is babby formed?

how is babby formed

how girl get pragnent"

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFrank

spermy blue balls....

who eats those.

even if they are well crafted?

Not that there's anything WRONG with that.....

#1 Cakes like these perform a real service. If you're in a room full of people you've never met, you can know what is going on without making any awkward inquiries of strangers. (If you have enough chutzpah, you can wait until cake is served before heading to the right address.)

#2 Q: Shouldn't the baby be inside? [ducks and runs]

#3 "Ok, I want to have funny spelling on this: 'Baby' is b-e-b-y, 'shower' is s-h-a-w-e-r, and the mom's name is Itzel. That's I-t-z-e-l. Got it?"
"Got it. You're right -- 'Itzel' is funny."

#4 "Baby cookie? No problem." (sotto voce to assistant): "Get me that cookie that Bobby's people refused."
[One stroke of an icing bag later]: "One baby cookie, coming up! What -- is something wrong?"

#5 'Happy Baby'? Not when s/he sees that.

#6 "OK, I was going to write an 'a' and stuff, but like, there just wasn't room!"

#7 Er, uh... time to see if I licked that paradox problem yet with the Unsee Machine. [click]


I thought there were seven cakes in this post, but I only see six. [Harp arpeggio from nowhere]

Eureka! [Just cleaning up a little]

Now, to test it on others. Since it isn't portable yet, I suppose the subjects will have to come to the lab. I can trust these guys -- I think...

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I can't imagine what sort of weird position that last "bebby" is in. If the positions of the photo and the foot were reversed, it might make sense. Make sense? What AM I thinking? This is Cake Wrecks! Sorry.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Anyone who can't even spell "baby" correctly has no business - none, zilch, zippo, nada - being turned loose with a piping bag!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJules

The babies on the cake pops are the Carrot Jockeys!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterInvader Scribble

I just saw the typo in my first comment-sorry for accidentally proving my own point D:

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Know your memes!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterari

Am I the only one looking at the last Wreck and thinking how the baby (sorry - "bebe") must be a yogi if that foot belongs to the same babby in the photo?

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRed

Thank. You. So. Freaking. Much. That post is hilariously (and sadly) awesome. As a person who has no desire to have small mini-me's running around, and as a person who knows VERY little about babies, but must help plan and host a baby shower, this at least helps me narrow down what not to do (I mean apart from not serving alcohol; apparently that's a horrible idea).

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKSLSRocks

Wow, that CCC looks like an optical illusion or something. It's making my eyes hurt! @_@

That being said, that's more proficiency with an airbrush than one usually sees here.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlex K

What's that in your friend? It's a baby! Awesome!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSmartalec

Thank you Sharyn! That's just what I was hoping for!
Nice work Andrea and DB; it is a musical day today!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Reflecting on yesterday's comments, may I ask how your son is doing Terrie? (I know I'm not the only one thinking about this today.)

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Are you sure those aren't the old bath oil beads from the 70s? I mean, this cake decorator could be repurposing something from the pharmacy next door, or the bathroom cupboard. You never know.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKat Mortensen

Oh, and why are there peppers on that cake? And the "Ring" comment? Killing me here.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKat Mortensen

Is the CCC one of those 3D images where you cross your eyes? Will we see the full body of the playboy mom's baby? On second thought, nevermind.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFsurica

I can't wrap my brain around a few things on this post, but I keep going back to the last cake. How many boob jobs does one need to have breasts almost as big as a prego belly?

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermiriam

My eyes, my eyes! Ouch! What is with the technicolor plaid? It's like watching the EBS test from 6 inches in front of the TV. Yikes!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarnieB

Those psychadelic cupcakes might induce seizures. Is it safe for us to look at?

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergabsmom

The post is awesome as always ... the comments, hysterical. But this one, from Craig - "#6 "OK, I was going to write an 'a' and stuff, but like, there just wasn't room!" made me spit my drink all over my keyboard. Thanks for that.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

my five-year-old looked at the last cake and said:"That's just boring, it's a disney cake!" never gonna look at mickey's ears the same way again...

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeg

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