My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Old Glory Daze

Yesterday we here in America remembered our fallen heroes.

Today, we remember...the American Flag.


O-oh, say can you SEEEE? BYYY the bakery light?
How so soundly they failed... to give our flag any meaning:

Those brown stripes and blob "stars" ARE a scurr-i-lous sight!

And the RED parts they botched... are so def'nitely leaning:

And what's that O-VER THEEEERE?!

[cymbal crash!!]



[slide whistle!]


A goof, what a sight - it's more THAN I can bear.

(Yes. Really.)


No WAY does thi-is new-fangled airbru-ush yet blaa-aaaave!

[You know, "to blave?" It means "to bluff."]

[Now, someone fetch me an MLT!]



For the BAND of the THREEEEEE (red stripes)...

And the hoooome...of theeeee....WAAAAAAAVE!

(Before you ask: all of today's wrecks were sold right here in the good ol' US of A, on or around American holidays. I also have LOTS more where these came from. [proffering tissue] Tissue, teachers?)


Thanks to ToniAnn B., Trace L., Stephanie P., Sarah C., Kelly S., Sharon E., Lori A., Lin Q., & Daniel K. for their flagging enthusiasm.

« Drunken DeBOTCHery | Main | Happy St. Memerial's Day! »

Reader Comments (82)

AHAHAHAHAHAH! Besides the wreckage, the song fits them so very well.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertheblackdog

Actually, it might violate the flag code to have a realistic flag that you then destroy by, y'know, eating it. Not that the flag code has stopped all kinds of other travesties, but every so often someone gets snitty, usually in an art gallery. And not like any of these bakers have a clue about what a flag code is.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrkala

That first one looks like aquafresh toothpaste, the 3rd like crispy bacon, and in the 4th the stars look little people running away (perhaps trying to run away from the horror that is that cake?!) See what reading this blog has done to my imagination!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRo

Well that's what ya get for making your flag so damn complicated - most of the other countries are very satisfied with the 3 stripes and nothing else on it model, thank you very much! ;)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFrankN.Stein

I remember as a child freaking out when I couldn't fit in all fifty stars and stripes into a flag I had to do for a school assignment. I just couldn't bear the thought of cutting corners when it came to our flag. Apparently I was one of few to feel that way... Sigh.

Extra bonus points to you for working in Princess Bride references into a flag post. There is no situation where a Princess Bride quotation is not relevant. OK, maybe there is, but I don't want to find it.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-with-an-e

Don't you see, these "bakers" know that eating the American Flag is against the Flag Code <>. So they made sure that there is no disrespect to the flag when cutting the cake. Patriotism at its finest!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy in Nashville

Just glorious! XD

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCyllan

Jen, that was awesome! I sang the whole thing!
(Now I'm just waiting for the haters to scold you for disrespecting your national anthem. This could be a fun week.)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

I demand proof that these cakes were sold. Made? Obviously. Put out in public for people to see? Apparently. But please give my sanity the one last shred of comfort knowing that no one actually paid money for these. Please?

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTony14

Hello, my name is Betsy Ross. You killed my flag. Prepare to die...

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

All I can say is sad, so sad. lol

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

I never realized how, in the wrong hands, our flag's stripes so closely resemble bacon strips.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFaith

Just what we needed after yesterday!! Please feel free to post more!! (sorry teachers)

MLTs for everyone!! Theardare's buying!! (don't mess with him)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEla

If you peruse these while singing along with Jimi Hendrix playing in the background,
they all look so right.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Since you've already so masterfuly provided the song -- and I'm not blaving -- I'll switch to Robert Frost(ing)...

Stopping by Cakes on a Summer Evening

Whose flags these are I think I know
It looks like they've been pillaged, though
Can you see my jaw dropping here
At gobs of frosting in a row?

And I, of course, do find it queer
To see blue stripes from over here
Brown Stripes? It's more than I can take
The red curves should be straight, I fear

I give my head a clearing shake
Airbrushed one MUST be a mistake
And CCCs with frosting deep
That one with black makes my heart break

Those four straight lines of white look cheap
The three stripe one will make me weep
I stand and watch the frosting seep
I stand and watch the frosting seep

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Wonderful work on the new song lyrics - That was great! (The cakes were...not so great, alas.)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

The 3rd one is definitely a bacon flag. Mmmmmm....bacon.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSandi

where the mutton is nice and lean...

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulieF

Awesome puns as always, and special credit (and two gold stars) for putting in a "Princess Bride" reference.
@elissa -- ROTFL!! Best. Ever.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

You do have to wonder if any of these people EVER laid eyes on an American flag. Many years ago, I saw a Jay Leno "Jay Walking" episode where he asked how many stripes there are in an American flag. One person answered 36. I think she did the top cake.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

...where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky....I love that!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJean Burke

Having been a percussionist through college and beyond, I have performed the SSB dozens fo times. Needless to say, that slide whistle insertion was GENIUS!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrumnate

While most of the cakes could have been so much better, I agree with Drkala and Amy from Nashville. The flag code isn't something to be taken lightly.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

These cakes are mostly dead. At least two are dead-dead. Already looked. No loose change.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

@Anne-with-an-e: Well, you probably don't want to say, "He's been mostly deal all day" at a funeral, and blurting out "Inconceivable!" when a friend is telling you about her fertility woes is probably insensitive. Other than that, I agree, there is no bad time for a Princess Bride reference. (And in the right crowd, you could make the two I mentioned work, too...)

Anybody want a peanut?

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

@drkala – the original “flag code” had nothing to do with the flag, but with Betsy herself. She was a delightful lady, but had a quirky sense of humor. Whenever some said, “So, what’s new?” she would reply “Sew…sew what? I’m, a seamstress, get it?” And then she would laugh hysterically. When asked if she wanted a drink, she would reply, “Just a thimble full! I’m a seamstress, get it?” Once Thomas Jefferson noted that he had a small hole in one of his stockings, and Betsy replied, “Darn it! I’m a seamstress, get it?” If someone said, “It seems to me…” Betsy would retort, “Well, it’s seams for me, too…” When Betsy was around, it was difficult to keep the thread of the conversation going. Even men of the cloth found her trying, and would sometimes bolt for the door. One day George Washington, in an attempt to give Betsy something to do so the men could carry on their meeting uninterrupted, suggested she make a flag for what they hoped would be a new nation. The rest is history. Oh, the flag code? Well, from then on, whenever Betsy was becoming just a bit too much, someone would just say, “How’s the flag coming?” and off she would go to continue her work. So the original flag code was a way to stop Betsy from needling people…

@Sharyn…brilliant (I’ll now take that off my list….) and I’ll never listen to “Frostiana” the same way again (a choral arrangement of some of Frost’s poems, including this one, by composer Randall Thompson. It’s one of my favorite pieces of music, along with his work “Testament of Freedom.”)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

In order to make the teachers feel better, I think one can simply assume that most bakeries employ immigrants. Very fresh immigrants. Ones that have not yet had time to learn American History and stuff like that for their citizenship test. In fact, they probably haven't been paying much attention in school in their countries of origin*.

Um.Well, at the very least, some of the cakes certainly seem to be baked by aliens.

* Author has never been to the USA. Or to any of the Americas. And yet, I happen to know how many stripes are supposed to be on the US flag. They teach that in school.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSkeptic

Bahahaha, so wrong and right at the same time XD XD Sharyn funny as always :D
again, sorry if I offended anyione yesterday.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

#1 I could make a case for Red Vines, except I am certain (or at least, hoping fervently) that there are not also White Vines and Blue Vines.

#2 "I ran out of red frosting yesterday, and those blobs in the upper left are the last of the white. Adapt and survive."

#3 I could want those to be bacon strips, but that glow-in-the-dark red kills that image.

#4 might have been rather cool without the additional frosting and a more judicious use of sprinkles. Now we'll never know.

#5 could have been ok in an artsy, create-an-impression kind of way, were it not for the sheer volume of frosting. It's like the Tomb of the Unknown Cupcake.

#6 This is why the Cake Decorator Prep course at Sandra Lee Elementary was launched and canceled the same day.

#7 I'm not sure this is a... (Whew. Caught it just in time.) This is an unusually well-executed wreck.

#9 See #5.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

You know you've failed at frosting flag ripples when it comes out looking like a bacon flag. Mmmm bacon.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCatTrampoline

Congratupotion Donovan? Really?

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGenny

@elissa, for the win!!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

#7 doesn't seem too bad--it's at least fairly well-done; the shells are straight and uniform, the stripes are straight, and the stars look like stars. As an interpretation of the flag, it's not bad. But is it just me, or does it look as though there's no frosting on it other than what was piped on? The center section certainly looks like bare cake, but upon closer perusal, so does the outer portion.

mindy1, I give you credit for apologizing. Speaking for myself, your comment did not offend, but it did seem a bit scolding. The one that basically accused Jen and John of being unpatriotic liars with no integrity really chapped my hide and earned my ire.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelindaB

When a bank is being over-taken, it is the universal sign of distress to hang the flag upside down. When a bakery is in distress, they make an horrible rendition of a flag and place it in the display case. Shame on the customers for not immediately recognizing this well known distress signal and failing to alert the authorities.

Congratulations to KarateLady for a successful rescue of Craig from the evil clutches of Theardare in Room 101. I totally would have helped, but, uh, I am allergic to cats (with automatic weapons). I nominate KarateLady to put a bell around Theardare's neck so we can hear him coming next time.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I lol'd at "Did the BAKER NOT CARE?" I'm sorry people were mean to you about Memorial Day Sweets. Haters gonna hate.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

WHY? Why is making a US Flag cake so hard?

It's a rectangle, whch they seem to not manage, with 13 red and white stripes and a blue field in the top left corner. How come so many bakers can't manage something so simple.

I'm willing to forgive not managing all 50 stars, that can be forgiven ut this is just....ARGH!!!!!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

I'm glad I'm not the only one seeing bacon on the third cake. I was beginning to think I had a problem. :)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrekkie Gal

Cake #1 gets props for actually spelling "Congratulations" correctly - at least it looks correct.

Sharyn, you win the comments today!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJules

If I can spend long time on Drawsomething making sure US flag is right out of feeling I am unpatriotic if I don't a cake decorator could take the time

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

I'm not sure if I adore you more for the song or for the Princess Bride reference in the middle of it. Hah! =)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAshfae

Amazing! The "leaning" red parts remind me of strips of bacon. Which, as you know, is what our country was founded on. Bacon, bacon, and more bacon.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

@Andrea: LOL

@Karate Lady: Thanks for the save. @Sharyn assisted by keeping Theardare distracted with song and poetry send-ups, thus turning him into a LOL-cat. I think he's gone back to working on whatever he was building before.

I totally non-stalk you 'guys'.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Sounds like there's plenty more for Flag Day on June 14th and maybe even for Independence Day. Yay for wrecky flags!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShauna

@ FrankN.Stein
You haven't seen some of our state flags. Eep.
And we're not alone in lots of stripes or complicated shapes: Australia, Greece, Liberia, Macedonia, Malaysia, New Zealand, Seychelles, South Africa, Tibet, United Kingdom, Uruguay.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKiwi

@mindy1 -- @MelindaB's right. I wasn't offended by your comment, and you apologized when you realized it had offended some. The one that put me over the top was the cretin who attacked Jen and John's patriotism and commitment personally. We're pretty protective of them. Attack them and we turn into a pack of rabid ROUSes -- and it takes forever to get that rodent smell out of your hair... (It's easier with lagamorphs.)

After all, where would we be without Cake Wrecks -- snarkless, cakeless, wreckless, hopeless? With our attention unemployed, in GREENLAND? (OK, strike the Greenland part.)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The cupcake flag is awesome...made really think it was a flag gently flapping in the breeze (NOT).

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergabsmom

elissa, Sharyn & mel - fantastic! *jazz hands* And I sang it in my head, Jen - great job!

I checked out the flag code - actually,these cakes count as intended representations of the American flag, so even if they are wrong, they are in violation of the flag code. But, the flag code is *not* law & not enforced, which is why bakers can do this. Oh, well.

@ Andrea - Thank you! It was actually easier than I thought...all kitties love a warm saucer of milk spiked with sleeping pills! ;-)

@ mindy1, your heartfelt apology is happily accepted. Did you check out last year's Sunday Sweets' tribute to our soldiers? It was *impressive*! Now those cakes were done R-I-G-H-T! Totally awesome!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

@Anne-with-an-e: I have to admit, I was one of those kids, too. The pattern required to fit 50 stars in a square is surprisingly challenging. :)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

Polite nod, elissa, in your direction for the most excellent post. Too f'n funny. I tell folks, that yes, the cakes and the comments of Jen and John et al are great, but you really have to read the comments to fully appreciate this site. Sharyn, as always, superb. Now keep it up or I'll ensure you are left friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed, in Greenland?

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

@mel-the offspring has to write a paper on "the real" Betsy Ross. Would it be okay if she quotes you?
You're better than Wikipedia and so much more entertaining than any of her reference books.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

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