My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Heeeey Sexah LAY-DAY

Don't worry, this isn't going to be another Gangnam Style parody. Promise. It's just that every time I see one of those "baby bump" limbless torso cakes trying so desperately to be sexy, that's all I hear in my head:




Plus now I can't stop picturing Psy screaming at all the fondant boobies:

I feel ya, man.

But enough about me. Let's talk about why so many women enjoy displaying edible effigies of their nearly naked torsos for a bunch of other women while celebrating the imminent expulsion of a human being from their bodies.

(When you put it like that, it's kind of messed up, right?)

And while I'll never think pregnant torso cakes are a good idea, at least the ones wearing clothing are a little LESS tacky. The "sexy" ones just make me wonder: who gets all hot and bothered looking at a dismembered pregnant torso?

Before you get too turned on, you should know that the fetus with the unnaturally long spaghetti leg is watching you. Aaaalwaaaays waaaaatching.

That one's not really showing enough skin, though, is it? And don't you think it needs a nice heavy spray tan, too?


Muuuuch better. We'll all be revisiting breakfast in NO time.

 (If you look at that just right, you'll see a jowly guy in an aviator cap whistling Dixie around a mouth full of feet. Just sayin'.)


Hey ladies, you know how sometimes we get that little bead of sweat betwixt our womanly bazooms? And you know how the sight of it on other women make you, like, totally hungry?

Mmmm. Sweaty bazoom valley.

(Also, if that lady is pregnant, then I must be expecting twins.)


If I still haven't convinced you that "sexy" torso cakes are a bad idea, though, then let me leave you with this little window into the future:

 Peek-a-boo!  SEE YOU REAL SOON.


Thanks to Cyndi P., Matt R., Anony M., Kate C., Jason S., & Vicki K. for the sexy, sexy nightmare fuel. 

« Oooooh...SO CLOSE | Main | Keep It Simple, Stupid »

Reader Comments (76)

Sung to “I’m Too Sexy”

I’m too sexy for my cake, too sexy for my cake
My guests are leaving

I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt
Cake nipples are pert

I’m too sexy for a pram, too sexy for a pram
Check out my little man

And I’m too sexy for this party, too sexy for this party
My tan needs some enhancing

I’m a Mommy, you know what I mean
And my sweat is causing quite a bit of back talk
Yeah, of back talk, oh, of back talk, yeah
See it makes guests turn away and do a cake balk

And I’m too sexy for a scar, too sexy for a scar
Peek-a-boo in thar
And I have sexy yellow spots, such sexy yellow spots
Don’t you think I look hot?

I’m too sexy…

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

My reaction to the last one: o_O *meep*

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

one word, ICK!

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna`

Poor, sweaty bazoom valley. It's just a reminder that all expectant mothers are entitled to jewelry. Especially once the mammafairy arrives. Especially pearl necklaces. Especially. Also.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Don't see how these cakes ever became a good idea. "Shirley, hon, do you want a slice of nipple or navel?"

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Expecting twins?!! Is there smtg you haven't told us?

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette

Mikkel? Braxon Jackie? Where are these names coming from?

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSwift

What I find most disturbing is that the Playboy cake's boobs are bigger than the belly. If that kid is big enough to show his/her feet, then that's some serious silicone.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlexa

Cake #1 - looks like her top's about to fall off the booby on the right & bare a nipple, but perhaps that's on purpose. WHY do they make "sexy" shower cakes like this?! Who really wants to celebrate sleeping with anything that moves?!
#2 - Obviously not wearing a bra & been in the freezer too long... (And apparently topless under that unbuttoned that how she got this way in the first place?!)
#3 - A classic. Not so bad except, as Jen noted above, the foot placement does not match the head/ultrasound photo placement.
#4 - looks like what a stripper would want for her shower cake if she wanted to celebrate the "career" that likely got her in this condition...
#5 - HUGE chocolate polka dots with paisley swirls = brown snails with LOOOONG antennae!
#6 - So wrecky, I'm dissecting it. The blue "bikini" looks like a flock of blue-feathered friends (or peacocks) gave their lives for this outfit...IN VAIN!! The belly part looks like the peek-a-boo end of one of those large, pretty, sugary, hollow Easter Eggs with cute little scenes inside, which I was *very* fond of...until TODAY. A treasure trove of happy childhood memories has just been *DESECRATED*.

Can. Not. UNsee. NOoooooo!!!

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

For some reason I want to believe that a cake like this is what Snooky from Jersey Shore would have had at her baby shower.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlyssa

Granted it has been a while, but I don't remember feeling very sexy when I was pregnant. Cranky, tired and over-inflated, yes, but sexy? Not so much.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

For cakes #3, 4, and 6, I will harken back to your Twitter feed last night:

"Dear God, what is that thing?"

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

I have a friend who is a labor/delivery room nurse. She says they describe their team as "people pulling people out of people." Yep. That sums it up.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDebbi

It's official. I am now sending regrets to any baby shower invitation so I don't have to worry about meeting up with any pregnant lady or baby cakes. I will gladly send a gift, but spare me the cakes.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

*HURK* There goes my computer screen...and my breakfast...and my appetite. Oh, Thank you, Cake Wrecks Diet! :D You've started my new year on the right... spaghetti foot.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

I'll have a piece of cake #4. I'll take a nice big side piece with lots of hair. Mmmmmm

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTaffy Cake

That "whistling guy in an aviator cap" cake concerns me most. Is that meant to be hair? Under the shirt? ...someone needs to give the armpits a little trim.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWenny

I have only one thing to say.............WHY!


What is the name of everything good and holy makes anyone think that these are a good idea.............The only way to make them worse is the ultrasound pics so of course they add those too..........


January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

There's only one thing I don't understand: how can none of these cakes feature edible glitter?

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKae

The "picture" on the last cake: is that Bart Simpson?? lol

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

LOL @ Anne! I'll take a slice of bosom please.. ;)

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArielaHvM

What on earth is going on with the "aviator" cake O_o seriously? D: The rest WTF Sharyn lolol

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Time for the expectant playboy centerfold to apply sunscreen. Or maybe just borrow some baby oil from greasy #4. That last one, vomit.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Oh dear... sexy pregnant booby cakes. Am I a snob for thinking "trashy"?
I think cake #4 is a biker vest with fringe. That doesn't make me feel any better.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Cake #1....why fungus green??

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJeffssis

That last cake is the scariest thing I've seen in a while.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterXanthus

If you watch "Say ye to the dress" you know why. Because regardless of the stage of life, or appropriateness of the occasion, there are some women who define themselves as "sexy" and they will not give that up for anything, not a church wedding and not a pregnant belly. They have never learned that less is more, imagination is important and women are more than their looks. Sad, really. And pics of ultrasounds are just creepy.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlizvocal

People bake people
who pull people from people.
Edible, like you.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

First, LOVE the Psy pic. Like, Pin worthy love it.
Second, I am incredibly disturbed by spaghetti leg child, especially since looking at the ultrasound photo I'm not sure how he gets a foot all the way over there without being a master contortionist OR have a third appendage.
Finally, I cannot look at the last one without thinking about the latest production by Merchant and Ivory "A Womb with a View."

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNagzilla

Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!

Leaving aside the obvious question of why...

#1 I think I'll leave the cake where it is and instead take up an interesting question posed by @KarateLady: "Who wants to sleep with anything that moves?" is not that question, but that it presents a parsing / inflection challenge for the ages. The ages above 19, that is.

Now let's focus, shall we?

#2 Maybe focus is the wrong word. Because if you focus, you see Psy emerging all Alien-like from the belly, accompanied by blue stars of a particular variety. (Yes, I know that Psy isn't part of the original design.) Oy.

#3 Unless little Hugh has a playmate in there (note that I didn't capitalize that), this wreck shows a critical lack of understanding of spatial / volumetric relationships on two levels.

#4 Braxon Jackie, T + 12 years (give or take): "MOMMMMM!"

#5 'Shiny' is not normally a desirable feature on cakes in the first place. Here, it simply marks a further descent into the valley of...despair. (Thanks, Metaphor Rescue Man!) But in all seriousness, I'd like to join the wreckerator in a hearty shout of, "Wormed Balrs, Wyatt!" I have no idea what it means, but it's from the heart. Or real close to it, anyway.

#6 I would not characterize this as an ultra-sound idea.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

The last one made me say "EW!" outloud.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGranny K

Mae Young moment.Daniel Bryan catchphrase.

And the 'aviator' cake,maybe that's supposed to be a vest with fringe/tassels???
Ohhh,I HOPE so.....

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

what does that say? Buxom Jackie? these are so hideous!

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLori

the last one looks like a rabbit

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPat

It's a womb with a view!

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

I thought that cake #4 looked like maybe the arm pits had gone wild or something. Not anything about that makes me think "Oh yummy, hairy cake" Those cakes are enough to make me say no to any and all shower invitations.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTonya

I thought I'd seen just about everything - but the big bellies with the 'outies' and the BABIES SHOWING???? Just...just...words...failing...*faint*

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim Anderson

Every time I see these sorts of cakes on here, I am overwhelmingly thankful that for my two baby showers my friends went simple with a sheet cake frosted white with a shell border (well done too) and "Congratulations" written on it. Spelled correctly! Holla!

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

That last one was the perfect storm of "for the love of God, just don't!" Mutant baby foot sticking out, creepy window-into-the-womb image, and s'posed to be sexy preggers torso.

The 3D ultrasound images must only be cute to the parents. (I'm a mom, was all weepy seeing my son for the first time in his regular ultrasound image, and those things still scare the h-e-double hockey sticks out of me!)

Why, why, why does anyone order these???

Aaaannnnddd - I am just about speechless on the hair growing out of the vest one. I hope that is not supposed to be underarm hair. A million times "ew!"

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

I know I will never be allowed near one of these cakes... but if I ever do, I'll make it my mission to run over, bite a nipple off, spit it out at the preggers lady and do a HULK THROW TABLE in anger.
These are always ridiculous when I see them.
I SURELY do not want to eat someone's torso.
Or any other body part... even in cake form...

yeah, cake form... ( ¬_¬;;)

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna B.

Deep in a bunker somewhere in Iowa, Captain Kirk is reminiscing about his younger days, zooming around the galaxy, banging sexy green aliens. His age has begun to show, and he can no longer remember the gestation period of sexy green aliens. He is looking at the first wreck, wondering, "Is it mine?"

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

OMG... that last one.... it was Zombie Baby.... now I am completely creeped out....*shudder....

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterwolfmara

that last cake is going to give me nightmares o.0

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer Rose

Oh, *gag*... Why did I read this while trying to eat?

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBetty

Jen, is there something you are not telling us?

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHannah A

The first pic best illustrates what a dismembered torso would look like as the skin color indicates putrefaction has already set in. Sexy!

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

That first one,makes me think of the green Orion slave girl from Star Trek. But the whole 'lifelike thing" and the off-centre panties make me cringe... (DON'T want to KNOW!)

Whatever happened to blocks and teddy bears, rattles and storks? These are simply awful.

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkrunchifrog

@Sharyn & Haiku Joy - XD & lolol over here... :-)

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

my first thought with the first one is why is she GREEN??? it's a sexy alien/swamp thing mommy cake. Whatever happend to getting a half sheet cake with some cute storks - maybe a baby carriage - all done up in pink and blue?

January 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKrysmon

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