My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The 12 Most Bat Poop Crazy Halloween Cakes OF ALL TIME

... at least until Monday's post. :)

This is why I love Halloween, my dear wreckies: the normal boundaries of sanity need not apply.

"I was looking at a mud puddle, and it spoke to me, and it said, 'Give me the face of a hippie, man. Plus a crap ton of edible glitter and plastic eyeballs.' So I did."


Willem Dafoe after a bender?


Of course wreckerators love them some plastic flotsam at the best of times, but for Halloween they really pull out ALL THE STOPS.

A Tootsie Trap.

Which sounds kind of delicious, but no.


What's got four plastic feet, plastic eyes, a plastic hat, and vaguely disconcerting icing "hair" sprouting out of a purple brick?



I think this is supposed to be a vampire, but all I see is a Muppet who had too much whip cream on his hot cocoa. D'awww.

Uh-oh, we've veered dangerously into "cute" territory.


Whew! Close one.



I take comfort in knowing we're all equally traumatized here.


A lot of times people ask me, "Hey, Jen, are there black olives on those Halloween cupcakes?!"

And my answer is always the same: "What, next to the bleeding gummi teeth? I have no idea."

True story, bra. TRUE STORY.

(Except for the part about people talking to me. AHAHAHAH[sob].)


Sometimes a baker can't decide if she wants to make a ghost or a jack-o-lantern.

Other times she just slaps a bunch of crappily iced cupcakes together, goes to lunch, and gets paid the same anyway.

I'm not saying wreckerators are lazy around Halloween, of course, I'm just saying that... uh... hang on. [whispering off camera to unseen informant] They're selling WHAT now??



Oh, hey, THERE's the face that will haunt my nightmares tonight:

I was wondering when that would show up.


And finally, POD BABY:

Congratulations, bakers. I am officially speechless.


Thanks to Anony M., Ronald C., Melissa M., Alana G., Jessica M., Laura S., Ana K., Karra A., Lea B., Andrea O., Vette, & Anony M., who think pod babies look a lot like Mandrake Roots wrapped in old banana peels.

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Reader Comments (65)

Great Friday post! I thought the "cute" one was a ghost picking it's nose. And is that purple thing a, dog? OMG, how wrecky they can be!

That last one would make a great baby shower cake!

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHarold

Cake #5 is a dreaded pastry vampire, who attacks defenseless cream-filled treats and drains them dry of their treasured middles, leaving only a hollow, doughy shell. Purloined pastry essence glistens from those pointed teeth as he seeks his next victim.

When I'm around pastry, I've had the same impulse myself ;-)

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPrincess Fiona

I am actually quite speechless myself. These have got to be some of the best wrecks to date! Poor Pod Baby, I slightly feel bad for him.. He seems to be cyber-whispering in my ear saying "hmm you look so nice, let me lick you", LITTLE CREEP!

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah C

This is the joy of Halloween for wreckerators. They can create ANYTHING they want, then call it a spook, monster, demon, etc. all in the spirit of the scary holiday.

What really scares me about cake no 3. are those . . . . items. . . . on the shelf behind it. What ARE those beige and brown things?

I love the second to last cake. But Pod Baby is one ugly baby/cake.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Why are ALL of the witch hands the LEFT hand??

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElly

Maybe the DIY cookie is for the best. I'm sure many home decorators could do better than the wreckorators, after all.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVal

The next to last cake reminds me of nothing so much as the character of Duchess, the hideously ugly in both body and personality imaginary friend from "Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends". Did anyone else ever watch that show? Frankly, I miss it. As Wilt would say, I'm sorry, but it was good. Is that OK?

And Pod Baby just looks like some sort of rodent, the only one of which really scares me are mice. They bite. If you're looking for pets, go for rats every time. They're sweet.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

@TLC: If I had to venture a guess (which, obviously, I'm doing, even though I don't have to!), I'd say the beige/brown things are cannolis made wreckerator style. Of course, if the ingredients are good, I'd take an ugly cannoli!

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

@TLC, the items in the background of #3 are badly dipped cannolis. I don't understand how something that simple could be done so badly. Oh, wait a minute, this is Cake Wrecks.

Is it bad that I think some of these are cute? Very strange and non-sensible, but cute. And I am truly ashamed to see that Supervalu tag on the lazy cookie cake. I'll have to check the bakery in my store to see if we have any!

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

Is cake (?) #4 a 2-eyed, elf shoe wearing cousin to the 1eyed purple people eater? I'd totally buy the boobie ghosts for a ( guy ) friend. Heck I could just make'em. LOL Thanks for starting my day with a grin and chuckle!

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Cupcake cake aside, I actually like the second to last one. I could maybe do without the spider pimples though...

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather A

Is it wrong that I love Pod Baby? It's one of those so ugly it's cute type things. He'd be cute as a plushy. And much better than 99.99% of the other baby cakes seen on CW that are passed off as baby shower fare.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersandy

Aaaaahhhhhh!! Flotsom overload!
Did anyone else see "Poo Baby" and then registered it was "Pod Baby"? No? Ok, nevermind
"Ghost Boobies" LOL Jen
"A Tootsie Trap" - Brilliant!!

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Cake #5, the "cute" one--perhaps the baker is a Muppets fan and decided this is what Beaker looked like after Dr. Bunson Honeydew tried one too many experiments.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

the holidays! Time for some perfect cake wrecks (kids don't know why I am laughing....gotta save something for moi)

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpriest's wife @byzcathwife

@Elly: Because witches are sinister.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelleAK

I'm pretty sure that first one was supposed to be the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock o.0

The do-it-yourself cookie is actually a good idea. There are lots of parents who want to decorate with their kids, but don't want to bake or buy packs of icing. It is something my mother would have bought to decorate with her grandchildren when she was older and unable to get around much.
Kids would actually love it.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa


October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Ghost boobies, and testicles with legs and eyes.

And the cranky purple brick kind of resembles my Grade 6 Gym teacher. Just sayin'.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

The last one reminds me of a cacao pod. Except for the hairy green top and, y'know, the face...

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Third photo:
Leave the wreck.
Take the cannoli.


October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

A "Tootsie Trap" does not sound that delicious, more like it describes some guy's discovery that the woman he's dating is really Dustin Hoffman.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

Ok, pod baby totally looks like Alvin the Chipmunk hiding inside a tulip. Chubby cheeks, shiny black eyes, button nose, buck teeth, and his bangs hanging down in his eyes. Or maybe Theodore without his glasses. I'd admit the tulip isn't looking too healthy... maybe it's one of those watermellon shells - you know the kind they carve out to serve mixed fruit in? Based on the brown sploches, might be one left over from a big hotel reception event last weekend...

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZee

I think Pod Baby is actually a chipmunk wearing a toupee.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterM.

@Stephanie and normajean: So at the front of the display case we have a monstosity of a monster cake. And behind that we have "wrecks in reserve" ?

Only from a wreckerator's brain! **headdesk**

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

The Picasso Jack O' Lantern made my day. I would totally buy that.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHilary

I find this works best when I choose a song too old or obscure for people to actually remember. So here it is, to the tune of Beach Baby:

Pod Baby, Pod Baby isn’t a gourd,
Like the pumpkin-like cupcake cake ogre,
He’s more of a blob (not a vampire slob like a muppet.)
Pod Baby, Pod Baby there on the slab,
Where he’ll lie ‘til the end of October.
Ghost boobs are grand, witches only left handed,

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I think that last one is going to turn into Kevin McCarthy and take his place.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCakeNinja

I also think that the do-it-yourself cookie is a great idea and any misspellings cannot be blamed on the bakery.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

Is it just me, or do the boobie ghosts look like they may be.... enjoying their boobiness??

And yes, I also thought it was a Poo Baby. :-/

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentershannon

I like the third one. Now I want to go decorate a cake since I'm pretty sure I could do just as good a job as the ones that did these did.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

I just have no words for this. Jen took 'em all o.O

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Well cake # 4 is obviously a fluffy purple train wearing sneakers. Not 100% sure how that fits in with Halloween, though it could possibly be The Little Train That Could's lesser known cousin The Little Train That Tried and Miserably Failed.

Love the color by numbers cake - though it seems they forgot the numbers. If you can get someone else to do your job for free... Tom Sawyer says go for it!

As for the rest - wonderful. Best I've seen. Like a frosting colored Rorschach Test. Any shrink would be proud, or need therapy, not sure.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Nautilus

Well, I'm both old AND obscure, and I actually remember that song (my older brother wanted to *be* a Beach Boy and played their records constantly)! I like your version better...mainly because I won't have to hear it ninetygazillion times...! hee hee =^~.~^=

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

If you don't look at it as something you're supposed to eat, the Pod Baby is actually kinda cute. I can't help but feel like picking him up, giving him a bath and hugging him real tight!

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMalin

So, am I the only one who noticed the DIY cookie has a DIY label with it? *cracks up*

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

The second to last cake looks like it came directly off the set of "H.R. Puff-n-Stuff."

Yeah, the show was that weird.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTodd

@Jen: ("Oh, hey, THERE's the face that will haunt my nightmares tonight")
Tonight?! Hay-ell, I don't think want to want to watch anything on CBS ever again.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I stared a long time at that one that looks like its got olives on it. I can find no better explanation, so olives it is. Heck, perhaps they add a nice flavor to it? I don't know, I don't make a habit of putting olives on my baked goods. BUT MAYBE I SHOULD!

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSabs

All your flotsam hands
are so sinister to us.
Not right, just not right.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I think the ghost boobies ones are supposed to the Stay-Puf man from Ghostbusters.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiane1611

Teehee... "Poo Baby"

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRamona

My 3-yr-old says that the grey muppet/vampire thing looks like Elivan from Jungle Junction. Sad thing is, I can TOTALLY see that. :-/
I find the nightmare face one oddly mesmerizing. Not sure what that says about me. Probably nothing good....

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

I think I've figured out what the "olives" are, not that it makes sense that we can see them. The sticker on the package shows filled cupcakes so the "olives" are probably the holes that were filled with cream. They should have either been frosted over after being filled or overfilled so the cream covered over the hole in the frosting. I don't know why anyone would leave them like that unless they were trying to make the cupcake look like something else. They didn't succeed unless they were actually trying for olives.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

@MichelleAK: I'm not usually one for puns, but that made me laugh hysterically. Live long and prosper, madam.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

At least the boobie ghosts are performing their self exams in honor of breast cancer awareness month.

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPattyAD

(horrified shudder) We were at maximum density on the CCCs (patooie!). Oh, the humanity!!

October 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

So what the wreckerators didn't feel like wrecking the cookie so they let customers buy the cake and the frosting and let them do it themselves? Lol interesting way of escaping a wreck I suppose. Lazy and evil too. The rest of these cakes are going to haunt my dreams especially pod baby..yikes.

October 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

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