My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Tatas For Now

It's October, my friends, and you know what THAT means:

Time to increase breast awareness!!

Of course, I'd have thought most of us - at least among humans - were already pretty dang aware of breasts, but, hey. [shrug]

And since according to this cake being "breast aware" means looking at scantily-clad boobages... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, START YOUR INTERNET BROWSERS. (Unless you're under 18, in which case, get off my lawn. And stop looking at boobs. You'll go blind.)


I've also heard we're supposed to be aware of breast cancer this month, which is a serious issue demanding our respect, sensitivity, and as many crappily iced pink ribbons as the bakery display case can hold:


You might wonder what a giant cupcake covered in big plastic beads has to do with breast cancer awareness:

... but if you look closely, you'll see there are actually pink ribbon sprinkles mixed in with the giant growth-like clusters of beads.

And I don't know about you, but I feel SO MUCH MORE AWARE.


Because, bottom line, my friends, this is about hope:

[jazz hands] HOPE!


And mammaries:

[leg kicks] MAMMARIES!


And reminding everyone to get regular check-ups through cringe-inducing-edible puns:

(made by Wendy Thomas)

[sliding to front of stage on knees inside giant spotlight][with jazz hands][and a confetti canon]

Seriously, though, those are kind of genius.

But I still don't want one.


Thanks to Jenny J., Angela G., Eddyth W., K.G., Heather M., Marie P., Abby T., & Michelle, who bet the Mammo-Grahams were a SMASHING success.


Note: Here are the answers to your inevitable questions:
You: Did you really just censor out the nipples on the first cake?
Me:Yes. Yes we did.
You: Didn't you just show us full-on nekkid lady bits on Friday's post?
Me: Yes. Yes we did.
You: But isn't that...
Me: Yes.
You: Aren't you...
Me: Yes.
You: I don't...
Me: Neither do I. Glad I could clear that up! -john (thoJ)

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Reader Comments (60)

Please tell me "Hope"'s eyes are not made out of blue condoms. Please.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCC

Sorry, I got hung up on that first one. Does anyone else see a small herd of seemingly incontinent pink ribbons dribbling their way around a big ole pair of varicose-vein-riddled honkers? Or is it just me?

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

I think that #3 could have gone with Friday's post. o.O

Those mammograhams are genius -- and an accurate depiction! Hahahaha-snort-giggle-ow!

j(thoJ) -- thanks for heading off that inevitable question.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

I can't decide if cake #3 is a guitar, a woman's torso, or a distorted map of the United States with a giant hole signifying the Great Salt Lake. Someone help me out here.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdutchgirl

How, in the name of all things holy, can anyone be expected to pick up one of those "Mammo-Grahms" and eat it? I'm still trying to unsee them.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Picture yourself on a cake full of ribbons,
Mamorial tributes that e-licit sighs.
Mammo-grahams squeezing, but who are they squishing?
The girl with the blue condom eyes.

There's no hope for some of these pastries.
Really, no hope - they're not tasty.
There's no hope for most of these pastries.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@SuBee - Brilliant!

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Is it seriously anal of me to get hung up on the fact that "Happy Mamorial Day" is kind of a not-bad pun, but it's spelled incorrectly--it should be "Mammorial Day"--or is it just the champion speller in me? (I'm not kidding, folks, I'm a Grand National Spelling Champion. Married to someone who frequently doesn't get it close enough for the spellcheck to recognize the word. Yes, opposites do attract, in some things.)

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Let's squish the boobies
until the jelly leaks out.
Dessert is the breast.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

While recently in Japan, I found breast "puddings" in a gift shop in the Narita airport. I'm going to send you the picture...

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Hee, Sara I believe you're right on that spelling. I rather wonder though if it was a mispelled Memorial Day cake in the first place.

Hey, I rather like the mammograhams! (Despite the fact that the boobe are in there backwards. I get it though-- otherwise you wouldn't know they were boobs! They'd just be blobs.)

Me at cake #3: Augh!! Yuck!

Cake #4: What the?!?!

Cake #5: I am now traumatized and balled up in the corner in a fetal position sucking my thumb. What the hell?!!??!! This cake makes zero sense!!

And, @zoomom, I too see the vericose veins!

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Pink ribbon?!? Even my 6 year old daughter can tell that #3 is a "baby bib with a whole chewed in it"

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMidge

Well, there's always Hope. Someone commented on another blog last week that there isn't anything that jazz hands can't help. So there's that.

And the cake is chocolate! That's ALWAYS a good sign!

These ribbons: Not so much. If they're a sign of the progress we're making in breast cancer research and treatment, we're all in BIG trouble. And so are our tatas.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

as Bob HOPE said...thanks for the mammories.....

@SuBee:'re on a roll!!!! :-)

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Dutchgirl, #3 is a CCC (patoee) version of the breast cancer awareness pink ribbon. Really I'm sure that's what they were going for. I'm questioning #4 as the nastiest iced eclair or just test piping that got put out on display by mistake.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrasawee

@SueBee and Jen --- bravo, ladies. Love the [jazz hands] and..... well the whole post. It makes looking at those horrible "cakes" (I use the term loosely) bearable. My Tuesday is complete.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Blue Condoms (The version Bobby Vinton didn’t record)

She had blue condoms,
Blue prophylactics for her eyes,
Something about it wasn’t right,
For her eyes.

She had blue condoms,
Blue prophylactics for her eyes,
Warmer than May her tender thighs,
Love was ours.

She was a love I held tightly,
Feeling my “rapture” grow….
Like a flame, burning nightly,
But when she left, she took with her, her

Blue condoms,
But in my heart there’ll always be
Precious and warm, a memory
Through the years,

And I can still see blue condoms
Through my tears….

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSkewed View

I wondered about Hoope's "condom eyes" too!!!!!!!! Are they condoms???????

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNicolle

Inspired by jon(thoJ)’s small notes of clarification:

Ode to Those Little Black Bars

You shouldn’t see the things they hide,
Although you want to peek inside
To find out what it is they cover,
A hideous monster, illicit lover?
What kinds of things are hid, you ask,
Do horrors of the id they mask?
If left uncovered, give me fright,
Keep me crying through the night?
Or raise in me erotic desires,
Burning stronger than a thousand fires?
There are some things not fit for eyes
(not counting Friday’s hoo-haw surprise),
Some things that cause decency to ripple,
Like a lady’s naked nipple.
We should not see that,
‘Tis what they say
(but an occasional va-ja-ja is OK
as long as it’s not over-done
and, really, folks, it’s all in fun.)
But when it comes to a lady’s chest,
There’ll be no nipple, it’s for the best.
Some things we just should never see,
It’s better for you, it’s better for me.
So, thanks black bars, you do your best
To shield me from a naked chest!
I feel better, what can I say?
(Now I’m going to revisit Friday….)

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

The third one looks like a broken Fender guitar.

The fourth one looks like a 3-D scan of a bone tumor in the femur.

Or maybe it's just me...

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I had to lift the mammo-grahams and post them on my Mensa forum - but of course, gets the credit.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

Hmm, I wonder what the cake would look like for testicular cancer awareness? Or prostate cancer? Rum balls anyone?

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNina

I'm stunned that the source of the Mammo-Grahams wasn't attributed.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie in Maine

Hats off to you, Midnight Writer!

I'm still puzzling over the giant be-bubbled cupcake...

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I'm wondering if the pink orbs on the giant cupcake might be gumballs and not plastic beads. Either way, ew.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermelanie sparkles

Loved the mammo-grahms picture.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

@ Haiku Joy- Best. Haiku. EVER!! Cracked me up!!

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPam

Breast cancer is serious, but those mammograms AHAHAHAHAHA :D the pink sprinkle cake reminds of cancer that has spread O_o

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Those Mamograhams are cute.
Until my cynical brain cell says " looks more like peno-grahams ". Well?

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

I actually saw the Mammo-grahams before they were posted here. That's a rare thing for me. I'm always so out of the loop.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

The mammo-grahams were made by a hobby baker for a party and a photo leaked and went viral. The cookie baker who made them is still gobsmacked by how far and fast that one has spread.

I won't share her name, because, frankly, they gross me out. I've had to hid that pic on Facebook at least 20 times.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

I have never found anything even remotely funny about mammograms. Not even the standard joke about how to practice for one. (Open your refrigerator door, insert boob, slam shut.) Until now. Those Mammo Grahams are just busting with visual punniness. Thank you, Jen. Thank you.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusan W

@Diane: Those are called "ekubo", because even though everybody knows exactly what they look like, and thinks of that, officially they are dimples and "ekubo" is the Japanese word for dimple. Except no dimple *I* ever saw had a red spot in the middle.

Japanese minds are strange. They are quite open about some things which shock Westerners down to their toes, and very rigidly formal about other things that seem quite inconsequential to us.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I, too, think the mammo-grahams are quite clever. Kudos to the creator.

On #4, I see two women kissing either in a doorway or an altar with a pink ribbon blowing in the wind.


October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Just because the mainstream media does not seem to care as much about it, October is also Domestic Abuse Awareness month (purple ribbons). As a domestic abuse survivor this is VERY important to me and effects 1 in 4 women at some point in their lives.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth Kay

Thanks for the reminder that I need to schedule that appointment o.O Maybe they'll have Mammo-grahams there! Not that I want to eat one but at least it will make me giggle.

@Haiku Joy ~ Awesome as usual my friend!
@The Midnight Writer~ Yep, you're still my hero :-)

What happened to @Craig? Does Theardare have you locked up again?

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I'm pretty sure the confetti canon is how we got St. Rip of Taylor, known for his inspiring statement of faith: "non salto, o populi, missa est." ("I don't dance, folks, this is it!")

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Someone just told me of your blog and also "Cooking With Mr. C." on Facebook, also a blog. I just "Liked" his Facebook page and came to your blog. It looks good. Denise

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDenise

@Elizabeth Kay: Thank you for that reminder. As a former child protective services social worker I know only too well the effects of domestic violence on all members of the family. I am glad you are safe.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Mammograhams are my new favourite thing. Thanks for the link to the original (with recipe) NatalieinMaine. Might need to come up with an 'oz' version. Making a joke of mammograms is the only way I've been able to cope.

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterObesaCantavit

@Jodi: thank you...
@Jodee: thanks; you're very kind...

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

The first "cakes" look like brain coral to me. Be Brain Coral Aware!

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

I have the mammo-grahams on one of my Pinterest boards and put them on FB. I laughed myself into an asthma attack when I first saw them. :) I'd never want to eat one, mind you, but they are precious!

Re: title of this post
I personally have breasts. Not tits, teats, honkers, knockers, hooters or titties. Nope, I treat mine with respect. However, the first time I saw a pink camo t-shirt with "save the ta-tas" I have to admit I caved in a little. So, only in conjunction with breast cancer awareness do I have ta-tas. I still don't have one of those pink camo t-shirts, though. Must look into that!! ;)

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

@mel - loved your pun and your sweet note to Elizabeth Kay. I am not a survivor exactly, but my father, his brothers and his mother were all physically abused by my grandfather. I only learned of this after my grandfather's death. It was a shock, but it explained a lot. My father never physically abused me or my siblings, but he was (and still is) emotionally distant. I am grateful, though, that he knew enough not to abuse us, and he does care for his grandchildren. Here's to the day when domestic violence is a distant memory for everyone.

@Jen - and, on a lighter note, I visited the Mammo-grahams link you put up. (What's with the comment saying you didn't give credit?! Can't they read and click?!) Apparently, there may be a cake to raise funds for brain cancer next...and the suggested title is "Fifty Shades of Grey Matter" :-) (see comment #2 & responses on the webpage link you have above.) Can't wait to see it here!

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

That second photo - ginger from the sushi bar?

October 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFlea

Well those squished graham crackers are hilarious and scary at the same time. I wouldn't eat one mind you lol I would be frightened. As for that Hope one those eyes do remind me of condoms..ewww lol .

October 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

@The Midnight Writer, I doff my chapeau in your direction. Brilliant!

October 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

Please tell me there are gumdrops under those black bars. Oh please, oh please, oh please.

October 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLinda E

@Karate Lady: here's to that day; it cannot come soon enough. I am sorry for your family's experience and am glad your father had the will and strength to not follow his father's example. Not everyone can do that. I hope that time heals these wounds and lessens that distance.

October 30, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

@Zippy: Thank you, I appreciate it!

October 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

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