My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Man Cakes For Beef Cakes

Robyn T.'s family was celebrating four birthdays, and since the birthday boys were all guys, they asked for a "masculine" cake.

Instead, they got an inscription that took them all afternoon to puzzle out:

(I assume the first symbol was the top half of a "4" on the order sheet. Don't you just love written games of Telephone?)


See, your problem was trusting the bakers to know what's masculine, Robyn. Next time, just ask for the balloons to be bunched together with one long and two round ones:



Or how about some cookies to remind the guys of the bachelor party they never had?

(I saw a balloon stripper on Night Court* once, so now I just assume all bachelor parties have them. DON'T BURST MY BUBBLE.)


Men don't like a lot of talking about their feelings and whatnot, so remember to keep your namby-pamby adjectives to yourself, if you please:

Replace the roses with crushed beer cans, and now we're REALLY talking.


Oh, hey, you know what men do like?

...and peeing on things.


So the next time you need a masculine design, peeps, don't ask for it. Just find something in the case that already works!

Now just jam a power drill on this thing, and you're golden.


Thanks to Robyn T., Mandy B., Jamie D., Robb J., Jaleo, & Kallan for knowing there is nothing - NOTHING - more manly than chocolate skid marks.




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Reader Comments (29)

Mr. Mausolin's
crew can pull this dessert heist:
Cake Wrecks's Eleven.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I remember that episode of Night Court. Some balloons are NOT for children.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercatspaw66

Chocolate skid marks made me gag a little.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

My thought when I saw the first cake: "Well, at least the balloons look like balloons. Although in this case, it would have added to the hilarity if they had not...."

Then I saw the second one, and just started howling with laughter.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterakathleen

1: I take it that they were going for "masculine"? They should've called for back-up.
2: Aside from the color-coordination issue, those are some pretty *happy* little decorations, huh?
3: Awww...broken leg?! (AGAIN with the silly string!)
4: "Have Day" WHAT? ("Have Day, Will Travel"? "Have A Day-They're Cheap"? "Have Day To Spare? Call me!" ??)
5: saw & pliers, huh? I eat my eggs with a fork, generally...
6: I could be *twisted*, but what I see is; (a) a blindfolded, Albino hostage, or(b) a girl with long hair, outside on a (very) windy day. =^0.o^=

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Do you imagine that cake decorators are doing these cakes on PURPOSE... just to land on Cake Wrecks?

"Hey Fred!! Lookie here!! Your stupid cake actually made it to Cake Wrecks!! High five.."

I've always figured that most of the folks on "People of Walmart" do the same thing too..

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSue

I remember the Night Court Stripper too Jen!

WHAT on earth is that last one supposed to actually be?!

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Haha! Jen you are so funny! I am in tears I laughed so hard.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterhotred

Man cake, man cake, baker’s man
Bake me a man cake as fast as you can;
With phallic balloons and some spermy ones too,
Throw in some hand tools and I think that’ll do.
Skip the sentimental stuff – it’s not for the Gipper,
But don’t forget balloons for the Night Court Stripper.
Toss in a blob with some brown wavy “hair”
And let them all wonder why it is there.
Add some yellow ‘cause we like to pee
And throw it in the oven for the guys and me.
Man cake, man cake, baker’s man,
Bake me a man cake as fast as you can.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSir Laffsalot

ROTFL!!! I'm with Hotred on this one.
Thanks, Jen, for starting my morning with good belly laughs.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Before you put the proof I remembered the balloon stripper, LOL!!!

They just don't make great shows like that anymore :)

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStephi

bwahahahha@haiku joy and sirlaffsalot :D i'd still eat skidmark cake because I like chocolateO_o and the rest get a big WTF D:

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

@Haiku Joy ~ Now I have to dig out my copy of that movie. Love me some George! Well done my friend! The end is in sight! Winter break is almost here!

@Sir Laffsalot ~ We have a new baby coming today. I shall have to refrain from singing your version. I'm sure he won't understand when he's only hours old. His daddy will LOVE it tho!

Bull was my favorite!

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

When people order masculine cakes from me I'm always at a loss... What constitutes a masculine cake? Should I slap on some mustaches and whiskey? What man is so insecure that he's going to be offended by a few icing roses? That's just more icing! Icing is delicious!

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercrystal

Is it just me or does the label on the 'tools' cake say "Butterfly"?

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLyndsey

Cake #5 says "Butterfly Cake". Perhaps those tools fit some definition of butterly.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersue

If you look at the label on the "tool" "egg???" cake, it says "butterfly cake" ... uh ? Er ?

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDee

Oh, and not to get all "technical" and crap, but, get all technical and crap, that isn't "the top half of a "4" ". It's actually 3/4 of a "4" made THEIR way, and 2/3 of one made this way>4. (But who's counting, or taking sides....?) =^-.-^= heh...heh.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I'm amused you posted proof of that episode, because I believed you anyway! That's totally something that would happen on Night Court.

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterErica

There is a masoulin dot com that's for a Chinese company that makes machinery parts. Lots of things made of tungsten. That all sounds pretty masculine to me. A bit esoteric, but kudos to the baker for going for a global angle.

Gotta love the old-school strippers. The girls these days--it's all about body glitter and rubbing against a big pole (you wish, guys!) Where's the artistry? Where's the glamour?

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Have Day: So much more festive to celebrate than Have-Not Day. You don't even get cake on Have-Not Day!

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

Memory check, didn’t the red balloons cost extra to pop?

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAbby Normal

Iron butterfly?

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@mindy1... :-)
@Jodee...Congratulations on your new baby! I can understand if you must refrain from singing him the whole song, but maybe you can just sing the wishes to all....

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSir Laffsalot

Hmmmmmmm...john (thoJ) has been conspicuously quiet regarding today's topic. <strokes imaginary Van Dyke beard>

December 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

Oh man lol. Just looking at those poor gingerbread cookies makes me wonder if the wreckerators were already celebrating Christmas just a bit early lol.

December 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

It's a shame. That first cake could have been good without that bottom line. I mean, the cracked brown icing kinda looks like leather if you turn your head sideways. Very manly. o_O

December 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

The first cake is just ridiculously wrong...which is of course why it's on CW being ridiculed....
But the thing that is worst about it, to me, is that the icer dotted the "L" ....OMG!
I think that's got to be the acme of the all the stupidity on that cake, they don't just misspell masculine, they couldn't even dot the right letter on their misspelling!

On the other hand...Yay, Night Court! Haven't seen that show in ages!

December 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

Just a heads-up for everyone here that loves "Night Court"; the cable station Encore Classic started playing them earlier this month, from the beginning; I hadn't seen the pilot episode in decades! They play them on Tuesday and Thursday (I think? Check your local listings, I'm kinda loaded at the mo).

No disrespect to Carel Struyken, who I loved SO much as Mister Hom on ST:TNG, but how in the name of Bowie did Richard "Bull" Moll NOT end up playing Lurch in the Addams Family movies?!? No one will see this comment, much less answer, because I'm the last commenter on an old post. But dammit, he would have ROCKED, and I needed to vent about it.

Your Pal,


December 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStorm

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