My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Ode to Spring

With apologies to Peter, Paul, and Mary.



Where have all the flowers gone?

I'm just asking!


Where have all the flowers gone?

I'd like to knooow


Where have all the flowers gone? 

  Bakers have wrecked them every one!

Oh when will we ever learn?


Oh when will weeee...

...ever learn?

 And where has comprehension gone?

I'm just asking!

 Does anything here strike you wrong?

I'd like to knooooow.


Where has comprehension gone?

It's literally no fun!


But bakers, have no concern

We like that youuuu...

... never learn.


Thanks to Allison W., Mandy G., Julie G., Beth Ann C., Jenn G., Will E., Anna B., Dana G. & Anony M., for the literal ear worm.


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Reader Comments (69)

hehehehe thanks for cheering me up, unemployment sucks :(

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

It is very nice that so many people are celebrating Flowers' birthday, but I'm sad to hear that Flowers is feeling blue.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Brava! Encore! I'd pass roses up over the footlights, but...

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The frog on that seventh cake. I don't even know what to say about that frog. I don't even know. I think the cake would be a Wreck even without the flowerfail because of it. That frog.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChartreuse

LOL yes, I see something wrong. Why would you have flowers with a frog? LOL

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Are you sure that 13th birthday cake is supposed to be a flower? 'Cause it looks like some sort of droopy sea anemone to me.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

Maybe the frog's name is flowers?

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWalo

I spot a "Nothing Bunt Cake" cake there... not really decorated, that's just how they do their frosting on all of their cakes.

Happy spring, cakewrecks, with flowers.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMimiheart

Oooooo, a healthy alternative to sugar; discarded veggie chips and Shitaki mushrooms on cakes #1 and #2

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

That was simply beautiful.
I started to get choked up right from the beginning, but the message on the last cakie just brought me to tears. Sobbing, really. Just a Flower, indeed.
Just. A. Flower...

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I got to meet Peter Yarrow a couple of years ago at a book signing. He was such a wonderful and delightful man. :)

Pic of the two of us:

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLizzyBean

If the flowers are in Nebraska, they have frozen to death. 24 degrees right now. So much for spring.

The second cake is actually OK, if the flower didn't look like it was made from a dying portobello mushroom.

And poor Ben. Even if they hadn't messed up his cake, he would still get a puking frog and pink candles with it. Please explain why someone would order a puking frog for a birthday cake!

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Great post. Made me smile.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

That second one is a perfectly nice Tree Ear Fungus cake. I don't see the problem.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

That second cake made me gasp- fungi on cake? A new age alternative to marzipan? And the 3rd cake really looks old, I can't tell if they used air brush or if tinted cake bled into base laer of icing. The 7th cake is an odd way to start rumors: so what if Adam spent his birthday with someone named Blue Flowers. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSandy in So Fla

@Shirley, that's the first thing I noticed. Who requests a mushroom for their cake?

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Spring has Sprung
The grass has riz
I wonder where
The flowers is

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

There are no words.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

@Degera ~ When I was younger my mom used to put silly little poems on the outgoing msg for our answering machine (yeah, the kind with the little tape!). The one I remember the most is
"Spring has sprung
The grass is riz
Jan and Jodee are out where the flowers is..." (there was more but that's the only part I remember)

I really want to know why there is a mushroom on that second cake.

It's about time that somebody wished Flowers a Happy Birthday. Poor girl never gets any respect.

p.s. KarateLady ~ "Fake it 'til you make it" is totally my new motto!

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Don't you know if you want blue roses you have to order a pleurosis cake?

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

Abby and Ben and Adam
Will indeed have happy days
With just some flowers

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnonynon

Oh my god, it's Flowers birthday today! Wow. I had completely forgotten, What do you get Flowers anyway, water? Mulch? Well at least I send them all a nice card.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHolly Folly

Does anyone else think the things on cake # 6 look like white human hearts on stems? Or is it just me? Eww.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

That 13 cake appears to be a Nothing Bundt Cake that's been robbed of its usual decor and replaced with "a personal touch." Or maybe repurposed in the car on the way home.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Abby's snowy cake:
Her hometown on Lake Erie,
Her birthday in May.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Where Have All The Flowers Gone? I, too, have pondered this question, often Early In the Morning in the Early Morning Rain. Sometimes as I walk, I Wonder As I Wander, pausing at the Lemon Tree, wondering why things are All Mixed Up. The answer, it often seems, is Blowing In The Wind. I try to see things in a positive light, and though I am not a Man of Constant Sorrow, there have been times I’ve asked Brother, Can You Spare A Dime (Because All Men Are Brothers), and lingered in No Man’s Land. So I cannot understand what happened to these flowers. Why did the bakers seem to go 500 Miles out of their way to create these mess-terpieces? Oh, If I had A Hammer…. (No, I am not a violent man, and I Apologize if I gave that impression. That is The Last Thing On My Mind. I’m an easy-going guy and I Dig Rock & Roll Music.) Do the bakers work in the dark? Could they not Light One Candle? Don’t they Give A Damn? Could they not do One Kind Favor and make a decent flower? Is that too much to ask? A little girl wants flowers on her cake…She Dreams of flowers…and gets this? They promise flowers, but give Too Much of Nothing. What can we do? We need A Reason To Believe. But Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright. For while now There’s Anger In The Land, This Land Is Your Land, so Pack Up Your Sorrows, folk, The Times They Are A’Changin’. Hope is in the air and better cakes are coming, and soon we’ll Tell It On The Mountains. Well, I’ve got to go now. I’m taking This Train to the airport where I’m Leaving On A Jet Plane to go out west to see Puff, The Magic Dragon (my friends said I Guess He’d Rather Be In Colorado.) And the flowers? I’m confident we’ll convince the bakers to do better, and We Shall Overcome. Just keep singing the song, and remember, The Song Is Love.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Poor Flowers. Dumped by Abby, rejected by Ben (for improper pluralization?), no wonder Flowers was so blue by the time Adam entered the picture. It is so discouraging to be told you're 'just a Flower'.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCybrczch

Face meet Palm.

Yes, I sang the words.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Uhm, that 13 cake is a Nothing Bundt Cake, they look like that on purpose, well not with the 13. And they are one of the most delicious things you will ever put eat.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLindy

The frog is impaled on the flower. Happy Birthday indeed.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChicspace

Does anyone remember that I was going to order one of those horrific sleeping baby fondant molds and make a dish of dreaming candy infant nudes to snack on when students are ridiculous?

In progress. I'll report back when there is something reportable.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

The second cake...what is the blob supposed to be? I looks like a shelf fungus, with blue mold spots. Appetizing...

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStar Bricker

Actually the second one is a rather excellent turkey tail mushroom....maybe...

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

"Adam with blue flowers" ... is that like "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"?

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Mel: Switch to Decaf. Really. They make some very tasty Decaf coffees these days. O_O

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Since I know not of this thing called Nothing Bundt Cake, I cannot claim to be an expert in the field. However, after doing some research, I suggest cake # 5 is not the Nothing Bundt Cake but an ordinary Bundt being slowly devoured by the rare albino milli-squid which is clasping the doomed bakery product in a death grip to its hidden but centrally located beak.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersiouxz

@meil That was beautiful and touching! I did a short story like that once. :)

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersamatwitch

That last one appears to have been deflowered.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterScottro

Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I feel sure the spider tentacles on the bundt cake will taste like mashed potatoes, which will deepen my fear of both spiders AND potatoes. Well played, Bundt Cake, well played.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaxmom

@Jodee - sadly I can't take credit for that masterpiece. My mother taught high school English for 35 years and one year one of her students turned that in. She liked it so much she used it on her bulletin boards every spring.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

The top cake looks like it’s garnished with sliced, roasted young potatoes.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMike

That pansy looks suspiciously like Oak Fungus, and then there is an albino spider crawling from the middle of a bundt cake. And will someone please OUTLAW those cupcake cakes?????

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

The frog is Spatchcocked (or possibly we can leave the "spatch" bit off....but then again this is a family blog so maybe not?) WHY would you want a spatchcocked frog on a cake in the fist place? Mind officially boggled.
Spring is sprung,
The grass is riz
I wonder where the birdies is?
The little birds is on the wing- ain't that absurd?
The little wings is on the bird....

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkirri

Augh! Don't tempt me to convince my dad we need to sing THIS version at our next music night! ;)

And of course Flowers is blue with a cake like that.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy H.

#1 It seems almost cruel to venture into snark on this; sure enough, the back story will be that the oven broke, the piping bag didn't work, and the poor wreckorator had to walk barefoot through snow drifts 75 feet high to deliver this.

#2 This is the baker's trademark -- he wants everyone to know he's a fun guy.

#3 Feed us!

#5 This is obviously a Nothing Bundt Cake that has been given that "semi-homemade" touch. Now we know why 13 is unlucky.

#6 Isn't it just possible that the customer said, "Write, 'Happy Birthday Abby' and flowers," meaning, "I have no idea what those things are supposed to be, so put some flowers on it as well."

#7 Ben and Flower own a (thankfully) rare striped puking frog, and they wanted to celebrate the frog's birthday. So?

#8 This is either the result of decorating by committee or a fine example of covering all the bases. I'm guessing the latter.

#9 Peppy Employee: "We have exactly 312 different cakes and cookies from which to choose! Would you like me to list them for you?"
Customer (for whom it is WAY too early for this sort of thing): "I'll take that one."
PE: "Great! Our Super Mega Chocolate Chip Cookie! Would you like anything on it?"
Customer (Thinking, "Sure -- how about a real puking frog?"): "A flower."
PE: "I can write the lyrics to your favorite song on it, provided it's a song that was produced this year!"
Customer (With great restraint): "Just. A. Flower."
PE: "Great! I have just enough time to get that for you before the Mid-Morning Anti-Productivity Meeting!"

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@mel - You are my favourite of All God's Critters. That was wonderful!

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Oh mel, Wasn't That a Post...?

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

M. Dale-- bonus points for the Glass Menagerie reference!!
I'm torn; the thing on cake #2 is either a mushroom, as many others have said, or it's a used coffee filter. Either way, I'm stumped... and a little nauseated.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

@ Haiku Joy- I seriously cannot wait for the progress report. Then please sell them. To us.. er, me.

March 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

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