My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen


Sometimes when I'm bemoaning the fact that most cakes today are just plastic flotsam delivery vehicles...


Here's your cake, enjoy! Just don't try to eat that thing. Or that one. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. 

...Or that.


...I remember there's a REASON bakers rely so heavily on flotsam and toys:

Nemo? More like Ne-NO, am I right? 



I... I think this is supposed to be Spider-Man:

Hold me.


Now, see, this would have been perfect if the customer had actually ASKED for a zombie-fied Spongebob:

As it is, I'm pretty sure little Levi needs therapy now.


This Darth Vader cookie is so ridiculously pathetic that I actually kind of love it:

  (At least, I hope it's Vader. If not, then I'm never getting those thirty seconds of squinting back. Never EVER, you guys.)

Seriously, it's so bad I want to hug it. 

And I like how the baker just gave up on the other cookie cakes, like she was all, "YOU GET VADER OR YOU GET NOTHING."


And finally, let's end with a little mystery:



Please, you guys, I have to know.

It says "Where Kermet," so of course my first thought was Kermit the Frog. But it's blonde and has four eyes with a giant red clown nose. Or is the red thing its mouth? And why "Where Kermet?" Where Kermet what? Where he stores his wigs? Where he met his untimely demise? 

I went back to Holly J.'s original e-mail, seeking answers, and was delighted to find she'd included a few more angles of the mystery:


Well, THAT clears things ups, doesn't it? 0.o

 Hang on. Holly says she thinks this is... MISS PIGGY!? Really? I mean, I guess she must be right, but... How. HOW. How is this possible?

I will not rest until I have answers!

Or until I get tired. Or John gets back with our burritos.



Thanks to Sabrina, Kristen O., Sean K., Patrice D., Tori S., & Holly J. for pointing out today's character flaws. We know it's only because you care, guys.

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Reader Comments (109)

I'm gonna say Ms. Piggy too because I think one set of "eyes" are supposed to be nostrils.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJacob

The "Where Kermet" is Miss Piggy-bwaaaahaaaaaaa!!! Don't you see her little pink "piggy" tail? Teehee! I am a left-handed only child, which means I have quite an elaborate imagination. :) Thanks for all the laughs everyday-hooray!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHubcap

No time for a song this morning, but I just had to say I've decided I need to start a platic flotsam company, so I can buy a Plastic Flotsam Delivery Vehicle. I'm going to paint Zombie Spongebob on one side and Sad Vader on the other, with "Miss Piggy" as the hood ornament -- or maybe rotating on the top, as I have enough detail to do a 3D model...

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Brain broke trying to understand last cake O_o

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

On the last cake, the word "Where" is obviously a miss-spelling of "were" as in were wolf, only it's a "Were Kermit", a folkloric cross-dressing frog that only comes out of the closet, er, swamp during the time of the half gibbous moon.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

"Spongebob" looks just like the wet sponge I found in the back of my under-the-sink cabinet. After six weeks. I wondered what that smell was.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Must be Halloween!
So who's masked as Spider-Man?
Bride of Frankenstein.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Hahahaha "where kermit" is quite the catch phrase. Since you're not resting until you figure it out, or get burritos, I will enlighten you with my wreckish detective skills. I think the two giant black holes of despair are Miss Piggy's nostrils. Yes, her nostrils are as big as the rest of her entire body, it must be some time space continuum blip that comes for having gravity defying black holes on ones face.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteralexis

I was unprepared
For chubby little sperm pig
I cannot unsee

(sorry to Haiku Joy, I usually try to leave the poetry to the experts, but this one just made itself)

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I saw the title and thought it was going to be a Doctor Who post.

So as I try to stop sobbing uncontrollably in disappointment, consider this my official request for a Doctor Who Sunday Sweets post.


March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterC. Beth

When I was young, plastic flotsam was a rare and wonderful thing. We had to whittle our flotsam from scrap wood we collected in the forest. The splinters were terrible, but we really freaked out on our flotsam ( gave "freak out on" as a synonym for appreciate. I found it apt.) People today have no appreciation for their flotsam. That's why you see it misused so very often.
This makes me feel as sad as Darth Vader.

Now, remember young people. Don't abuse your flotsam. Treat it with respect.
Also, clean your kitchen sponges in the microwave (or as we called it, particle diffusion generator, or they will end up looking like a moldy Sponge Bob (or as we called him, Scooby Do.)

And while I'm at it, stop picking on Piggy. She's not getting any younger, you know.
Just because she doesn't look the way she did when she was 20, doesn't mean she doesn't deserve your respect. She's doing the best she can. You think it's easy putting on your make-up every day when you can't see the damn mirror. Welll it's not! (I assume. I really don't know. I'm just defending Miss Piggy.)
You know, everyone forgets things now and then. Kermit, Kermet? You knew who she meant didn't you?? DIDN'T YOU?? You darn, young whippersnappers...

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I'm going with Miss Piggy too, that is the most logical explanation for this... mess

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

The top cake looks like a strange, spur-of-the-moment Spring Break cemetery for those who didn't survive the fun and sun.

And if that's really Miss Piggy, I need to start doing some serious drinking. Those nostrils. . . . .

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Haikujoy, fluffy cow bahahahaha

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I'm guessing Miss Piggy for the "where Kermit" cake. I'm scared that I can actually see it.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

My fictitious account of the probable conversation:

Decorator 1: What do they want on this cake again?

Guy who answers the phone: Miss Piggy.

Decorator 1: A piggy?

GWATP: Yeap.

Decorator 1: ::puts a big pink glob that looks vaguely like a pig on the top of the cake::

GWATP: ::No! Miss Piggy, not a pig!

Decorator 1: ::deer in the head lights with an icing bag:: What's a Miss Piggy?

GWATP: ::sighs:: Just put a blond wig on it and write "Where's Kermit" and then pray they don't send this to cakewrecks..

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

Awww, the spongebob wasn't as bad, but then I got to "Miss Piggy"

Just, wow.

Also, burritos make everything better.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTheblackdog

I must concur, that last cake is indeed Miss Piggy, albeit a very badly rendered Miss Piggy (and it's not often that one gets to make a joke incorporating the verb "to render" with a pig) (and by "one" I mean "me").Still, casting pearls before swine (like cakes before a wreckerator) does bring with it the risk that she will turn and rend you. Or render you. Either way, is bad for Zathras.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

I figured out Miss Piggy just based on the "Kermet" reference and apparent blond-ness, but for the life of me I had no idea those were nostrils. In my view, it looked like her eyes had been taken out of the sockets and placed on top of her head? In other words, bizarrely creepy with no possible explanation or justification.

I am both reassured and disappointed to find out that my interpretation of it was wrong.

(And I just scrolled back up to see if I could get nostrils out of it, but nope - all I see is a head with empty sockets and two bemused little eyes sitting on it. Or maybe the start of new antler growth.)

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentershmana

C.Beth, go to the 16 August 2009 post for a Sweet Who fix.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Spiderman looks like he was bitten by a the Lumpy Space Princess. Jake and Finn will have to help him!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

I am a little disappointed that you messed up on the third cake. That is not spiderman - it is a conehead dressed up for Halloween ;-)

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMiA

I love that Spiderman looks more like Vader than Vader does. What if Vader had dressed as Spiderman for Halloween...

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMe

The Spider-man CCC looks a little better if you turn the picture upside-down... but only a little.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Oh, that last cake must be one of those hilarious misspellings you get sometime. You know:
Whereker Mit (sound a frog makes when getting kissed by a pig)
Wher ekrmit (sound a pig makes when kissing a frog)
And it is missing some misplacced punctuation, don't you think?
Where? Kermit!
Where ... Kermit?
Just sayin'

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

"Where Kermet" indeed. I am just imagining Miss Piggy meeting the baker who created that mess. "Take that! And that Haiyah!" (karate chops to baker's shins)

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterstaying anon.

Far too much plastic
Does not disguise the failure
To make decent cakes

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

My four year old looked at the "Ne-no" cake and said, that looks like it's supposed to be a tiger, but they made it into a caterpillar! I think he would do a better decorating job! My 6 year old knew it was supposed to be Nemo, but only because he can read.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJen from MD

Maybe 'Miss Piggy's' nostrils are supposed to be sunglasses??!!???

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

I was guessing Miss Piggy just from the "Kermet". Maybe the dark blotches are some combination of bags under her eyes because she hasn't been sleeping well since her frog disappeared, and mascara that's been running since Kermit went running.

Emperor Palpatine: "Search your feelings, Lord Vader. You will know it to be true. He could destroy us."
Vader: "WAAAAHHHH!!"

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

The second cake looks to me like Dr. Zoidberg (from Futurama) in a Spider-Man mask.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEileen

Spider Predator would have been kind of cool, if it were deliberate.

And you're right... Darth Emo needs a hug...

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

The Miss Piggy cake clearly says "when?" As in, When are you going to love me, Kermit. The answer is clearly "never." As in, not even a mother could love that thing.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjanice

Zombie Spongebob seems to be wearing some kind of pearl necklace. Classy! Or,....ew.....

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNectarine

When I saw the Darth Vader cake all I could think of was this dude from the Bugs Bunny cartoons. I still can't see Vader in it.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterForm&Function

No wonder you didn't recognize SpiderMan - you have the picture upside down!!!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentertlca

My son says "Where Kermet" is definitely the Crystal Skull from Indiana Jones. And I quote, "But it's really wrecked, Mom."

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergeedyup

LOL! These cakes are a riot.

Bahahaha! I love the cheery red border around Darth - it totally makes the cookie!

Funny, funny stuff. :)

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermichelej

#2: At first I thought that was an orange sloth, but then I saw the blue worms, which clearly indicate that it is a dead orange sloth.

#5: Ninja Turtles next to a dark moon rising.

#6: A rare find. The Pigx had a pig's body, the mane of a lion, the face of Death, and the lips of Mic Jagger. It had four sets of eyes. The first, were actually empty sockets that could see into a person's soul (and possibly suck it right out of the body), while the second, smaller set were not able to see much, as they were always pointing at the sky. This mythical beast was created for the sole purpose of guarding the meeting place of the Ker.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I don't know, I think "spiderman" looks a lot more like Admiral Ackbar. With major wrinkle lines.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterbethanyr32

When I saw "Where Kermet" the image that immediately came to me was that of a bunch of crying, sobbing, hysterical little children at a party looking at the monstrosity before them and wondering what had happened to the promised Kermit the Frog cake. It was like their collective inner grief and horror had, through some mystrerious process, transformed their pitiful, plaintive plea into a frosting question, revealing thier own heart of darkness.....Oh...the horror...the horror....

@SuBee...I was touched by your childhood memories... Plastic floatsom was not indigenous to where I grew up, but occasionally we would hear the older kids whispering about it so somebody must have gotten ahold of some from somewhere, but they wouldn't show it to us. I think people from the service brought it back from overseas, but I'm not sure. We did, however, enjoy looking for jetsam. While we never found any of that, either, we did, sometimes, find a pop bottle, and that was worth two cents at the corner candy store, which to a kid, was like finding a pot of gold.
@Jodee in WA: thanks for the invite to play yesterday...that was a serendipity as I came to the site rather late in the day and hadn't planned on commenting...and yes, thanks, I'm on the way to well...

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

The tail sells it.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

That Darth Vader cake looks like the Angry Birds version of Darth Vader...

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I thought the "spiderman" was a Z24 Camero with a t-bar roof... silly me

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBernie

I love the little, what I assume to be, Oscar the Grouches to the left of Darth Vader...they are adorably horrible :)

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

That last wreck is definitely a Humperdink.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Homer Simpson as Spiderman.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHarry

If you turn "Spider-Man" upside down, it looks like he's wearing Woody Allen's glasses.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMy goodness

Yes, Miss Piggy, though it should properly be "Where Kermie?" I think. I just don't think Miss Piggy would leave out the verb though.

I'm taking your word for it on the Vader cookie because I can't come up with anything better other than the front view of a Studebaker.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

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