My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Stop And Smell The Clichés

 Normally I avoid clichés like the plague.

Still, when it comes to buying a cake, sometimes you've got to grab the bull by the horns.

(Just don't grab the other end.)


See, I'll bet you dollars to donuts:

... that some of you are going to get wrecks.


You may think you have all your ducks in a row:

(or maybe to be rowed...)

... but let's face it: There's a good chance the baker's ...


... a poo ant short of a picnic.


And s/he might get your cake ...

... bass ackwards.


I mean, does a bear ...

 ... sit in the woods?

(Aw, Pooh.)



Look, you're probably never going to get the baker to eat crow:


So don't make a tempest in a teapot!

(Actually, don't make anything in this teapot.)


After all, you've still got a cake, and maybe the manager will mark it down.


So rather than look a gift horse in the, uh ...

... gaping mouth nozzle of despair?

... just enjoy your cake.


I think Shakespeare put it best:

"That which they call a rose by any other name...

"... still looks like meat."



Thanks to Scott D., Deanna C., Laura M., Wolfie W., Anna M., Autumn J., Reba S., Jesea J., Lana H., and Maria V.  for letting us have their cakes and read them, too.

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Reader Comments (61)

Just noticed that the "teapot" cake is labelled "pull-a-part". I guess the part they're referring to is the flesh-coloured spout?

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWorrierPrincess

The teapot nozzle looks disturbing.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterClaudi

LOL! I have no words, except to say today's post in its entirety is awesome! :)

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

The "bass" cake looks like Bad-Joke Eel to me!

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Wow that red one is certainly...well...RED! How many bottles of concentrated coloring did they have to add to get it that red? How red will the chldren be when they attempt to eat it? I can just imagine all the little red mouths, faces, hands and clothes; not to mention table cloth.

I can't quite figure out the horse, It's got an optical illusion thing going on, if you look at it one way it looks like the flowers are on the neck of the horse, yet another it looks like it's on the nose.

The teapot spout is interesting, sort of how my telescope turned out on my science quilt I showed you awhile back. I wonder why they decided to make it pink? It might have worked if it were the same color as the rest of the pot..

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

The rose-meat cake made the mother in me scream, "do you know how that's going to digest?!?"

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHelenann

I don't get the bass ackwards one...
The cake, not the expression.
Is that meant to be an eel with a twirly moustache, wearing a ...fez?

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShar

I just DIED at "gaping mouth nozzle of despair"!!!!
=^-.-^= Yup-died (!!!!)

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I love these type of theme posts!
The crow cake is disturbing, but is probably meant to actually represent "eating crow".
I have a feeling that the horse cake was made from a photo, since white horses normally have a dark grey muzzle and that looks like what the decorator was trying to replicate.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBin

The Deer in the first one just played that timeless classic "Pull My Antler"

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaxmom

Wow, I'm gonna have nightmares about that red one!

Sarah, you're dead on with the horse optical illusion.

The teapot one might be rather cute but for the unfortunate...snout. Yeah...I'm goin' with snout. Will keep me out of trouble...

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Forgot to add:Shar, you're right on the eel fez! You made me laugh out loud at work!

What's the matter...haven't you guys ever seen a bull sheet cake? Hee!

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

What on earth are those decorators on, and where can I get some?

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Either those duckies are floating in a sudsy polluted pond or
they're floating among the heavens and they're
dead ducks.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

1 First, the The Running of the…A Bull With the Runs…

2. An easy way to put your money where your mouth is.

3. Rubber Duckie,
On my cake,
Got no innards…
I think it’s a mistake.
Rubber Duckie,
On my cake
You’re such a flop
You make my heart ache.

4. Based on the jazz almost-hit: “Watermelon Ant”…..

5. Has anyone seen my cupcake liner?

6. Whose woods are these? I wish I knew.
They seem to be just filled with Pooh…..

7. Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye.
One little blackbird,
Baked in a pie.
When the bird was opened,
The kids began to cry…

8. I’m a little teapot
Short and stout.
Here is my handle,
Wanna touch my spout?

9. The baker made them a cake they shoulda refused…

10. Here’s your cake, Mr. Lecter….

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSir Laffsalot

That red cake is TRAUMATIZING! I know this is gross (look away now if you have a weak stomach) but it reminded me of childbirth. Blech! All the rest were good fun!

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

I think those cakes have all lost duels To The Pain and are now at the Dear God What Is That Thing stage.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

That's a horse? How, exactly?
There's no way anyone should eat any of the blob of blood-red frosting glop. It should be considered a superfund site to remove the hazardous waste. Ick.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Well, it's just remotely *possible* that the PooPile is not only intentional, but part of a "family", "inside" joke-specifically linked (in some "family", "inside" way) to Scott.
(?) If not, then look- he's 16!! Either the reason/motive for something like this is to mortify the crap out of him in front of friends (very unlikely), or (?) something completely innocent, such as the parents/friends/ EVERYone were/was shocked and awed and decided to send it to Wrecks so everyone could share in the hilarity.
=^-.-^= (Beats the je ne sai quoi outta moi...)

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The crow cake appears to be "lying" on felt or batting or something. Ick.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteressjaytee

I think the Ackwards Bass is actually a Screaming Eel. In a Fez. And a Monocle. Because Fezzes are cool. And so are Monocles.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

My ducks float on clouds -
so ethereal and so
concave, distended.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Sarah, thank you for explaining the horse. I couldn't tell where I was supposed to be looking.

I'd also like to know what the baby-duck-on-a-measuring-spoon thing is on the second cake. O.O I just don't get it.

That red cake will have people running for colonoscopies after they eat it and think they're bleeding internally. YIKES!

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

The red one will keep me awake tonight. The shiny, shiny red one...


July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

Um, I'm seeing an eel in a fez, too. Maybe an aspiring oceanographer who is into Doctor Who?

The red is Red.

The horse looks like someone fell asleep three quarters of the way through?

I honestly wonder what goes on at some of these bakeries...

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermikken

The bull(?) cake...or whatever the first one is supposed to first glance I thought it was a triceratops singing in profile! I love cakes like this, it's like edible optical illusions!

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

"bull sheet cake""!!!! :P The big brown smear under the. "wrong end" made me say Ewwwww!!!! :(

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

Sir Laffsalot you totally beat me to it on the teapot. Umm..wait, that doesn't sound right. o.O Well done my friend, very well done!

It's been awhile since I literally gagged. Thanks for that @Drockbox

@Sharyn~ I still wanna come hang out with you in the hopes that some of your talent is catchy. Y'know, like the chicken pox. :-) I'll bring 'Dare so he can terrorize someone else for awhile!

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Sirlaffsalot, you're my new hero! Hilarious!
Haiku Joy, today's offering makes me happy!

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

One final post to comment on the unfortunate placement of the YELLOW candle on the bullsheet cake. It's not as bad as it could be, but still...

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

#1 Great Scott! That's a bunch of bull.

#3 W1: "This one's supposed to have ducks on it."
W2: "So?"
W1: "I don't know how to make ducks."
W2: "Just run over to housewares; there's bound to be something there you can use as a model."
W2 (later, on viewing final result): "That's just ducky."

#5 There's something fishy about this one. I definitely see Bad Joke Eel, but there seems to be kind of a rainbow trout thing going on, too.

#7 Nevermore.

#9 A horse is a horse, of course, of course...unless it's the CCC from heck (if that isn't redundant), in which case it defies all attempts to make sense of it. "Wait -- I got it -- there's the eye, right? So if you follow down from there, you see the...never mind. I don't got it. [sigh]" All I know is, Picasso would be proud.

#10 We all know the mystery of how a brown cow turns green grass into white milk, right? (Second only to the mystery of how it ever occurred to anyone to drink something from a cow.) An equally great mystery is how something red becomes something to call 911 about. ("Relax -- the kids were at a party -- there was this really red...thing there -- I think it might have been entirely frosting. No, I don't know how it changes color. This is just what happens when...Oy. Men are such wimps. Put your head between your knees. That's it. I guess letting a kid still in training pants eat that wasn't such a great idea.")

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

"That which they call a rose by any other name...
"... still looks like meat."

If that looks like meat, it makes vegetarianism look like a pretty good alternative.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

I would totally eat those donuts. Well, one of them.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Is that a red-winged blackbird, or a crow with a gash in it?

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDanny

I'm going to assume that #5 is an attempt at an eel. It's the only thing I can think of that won't break my brain.

And now I want unadon.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterUldi

I'm so glad you told me what those cakes were. I never would have guessed the bass and horse cakes were supposed to be a bass and a horse.

And that last cake... that frosting is going to cause some serious panic!

"No ma'am, that's not blood. It's frosting dye. Now, I'm a little concerned about the AMOUNT of dye in your... sample. Did you drink a bottle of dye? No? You just ate a slice of cake? Well, that shouldn't really--- YOU ATE A SLICE OF THAT?!?! WELL NO WONDER YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DYING!!"

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSabs

Well, I've decided that the horse cake hasn't been delivered yet, because it's supposed to be snuck under the covers at the foot of Marlon Brando's bed, with globs of the red cake's frosting smeared all over the place.
@Subee:I think those are "clouds" in a blue "sky", being reflected off the "surface" of the placid "pond" on which the "duckies" frolic...
@Jodi: Let's face it: they're ALL bull sheet.
@Laxmom:("Pull my antler") Well, I remember those "pull-my-finger" days all too well! So funny! "Almost" miss it, since the divorce...
=^>.<^= ...(NOT!)

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

"Gaping mouth nozzle of despair" is my new go-to phrase.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVixynne

To the last cake - "AWE! You found my entrails! I've been missing those for a week! How sweet of you to find them for me..." PS Can anyone else smell that cake from just looking at it? I think it's gone off...

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Nautilus

That last cake has me seeing red.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

Sarah, I am completely with you on the horse! Do you think the wreckorator is actually a diabolical genius who has hidden a bunch of optical illusions in their cake designs?

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDebs

Blink... Blink... Blink...

Nope, all of those are still there... Unbelievable.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Reading this blog is the best part of my day! Love 'nozzle of despair'!

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy W

DId anyone notice that the teapot cake is a "brownie bite pull-a-part"? Are BBCs (brownie bite cakes) now a thing? The "baker" merely had to buy a big plastic box of brownie bites at Costco. Can we even call him/her a baker? And I think I might start to hyphenate the word "apart".

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJanice S.

I have stared and stared at the ducks. Why do I keep seeing a yellow measuring spoon with a duck head on the end of the handle? Do I need new glasses?

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRadiofiesta

That red one reminds me of a statue in my hometown. It's called "National Velvet." I call it "Pile of shiny, wet intestines." Picture at this link-

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaia

that's not a fish. that's a ribbed ankle sock.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

On the Winnie "cake" the chocolate doesn't look like poo swirls (unless you've got a REALLY fancy butt- my parents didn't pay for that upgrade) and the green ones are kinda cute.
Huh. Still, it's a CCC (patooie).

Oh, Sir Laffsalot- invoking the name of Lecter!! (very nicely done, too)

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Of all the ugly-cake posts, this takes the cake, eats it, and chucks it back out all over the linoleum o.O

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSally

Nicely done, Sharyn!

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJake and Me

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