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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Failure To Communicate, Part 45 

Patricia L. asked for "musical things" like notes and bass clefs on her friends' birthday cake.

She got this:

Sing it with me, now:

"I knew you weren't treble when you walked in
So shame on you, yeah!"



The baker told Kimberley F. her cake was too small to fit "happy birthday" on it, so Kimberly said,

"Well, since my sister is turning 45 you can just put a big four and five on it, instead."

"four and five" = 11 letters
"happy birthday" = 13 letters

[banging head on keyboard]


And finally, to this day, Mary and Gus still don't know who Ken is:

What do you know, Ken?


Thanks to Patricia, Kimberley, & Mary and Gus for keeping the mystery alive.


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Reader Comments (46)

Those fancy cursive "G"s always amuse me - they look like "Y"s. So I read the last one as Yood Luck, Mary & Yus. Yet with Ken, etc.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWolverine Girl

Sung to "Ben"

Ken, you know why they wrote "five" and "four"
And what music thinks of at the store
You know that these cakes weren't blown
And that we shouldn't groan
And someday, Ken, I'll see
If you'd just get with me.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Oh, I've gotten with Ken and he has information all right...

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

What kind of inyormation does Ken have?
That four and five cake looks like a pretty standard size, granted the frosting makes it look a little wonky. Just how big does it need to be to write Happy Birthday?

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

"What's the frequency, Kenneth??"

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJuls

Ken, he has info about Barbie

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

There was more than enough room to write happy birthday and the name on that cake.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterelle

Is the last cake for a former CIA operative? Isn't outing via cake dangerous O_o

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

@Juls. Now I'm going to have R.E.M. stuck in my head all day! XD

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Maybe Ken is hiding in the trees. Or under one of those rocks.

Maybe he's out looking for the musical things that were supposed to be on the first cake. And taking notes.

Or maybe he's explaining how you CAN write Happy Birthday on a small cake. Sheesh.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Oh, man, they just keep comin'. You can't MAKE this stuff up!
(and you don't have to)
Thanks for the many many chuckles

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I can't even think of what they heard for the last one.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAddy Toten

I have documents
if you have the diamonds.
Smuggle in the cake.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

OK, Mary and Gus's cake has inspired me to write "Wrecker, Salker, Sprinkles, Pie" a spy novel where our intrepid heroes need all the "Good Luck" they can get as they search for Ken and his mysterious "information." Along the way they will discover heretofore unknown species of lions and monkeys living deep within the tropical spruce forests of Wrecktovia, as well as the origins of a fearsome tribe of carrot jockeys. Just when you think you've got it all figured out . . . a twist! The cake is a pie! (shoot, now I've given it away. :( )

Look for it in your local bookstore . . . eventually

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLeigh Ann

Juls, you beat me to it!

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterms anthrope

@Juls: drats...too late...I'd "rather" have made that comment myself...good work! Back to you, R.E.M.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Ah, but what does music think ABOUT?

Ask Ken. I hear he has all the information.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

This is, again, off-topic (I seem to do that a lot, but you guys are somehow, without ever being present, some of the best friends I've got), but I am so proud of Olivia & Maddy I could bust.

Tomorrow we leave for the State Special Olympics in Wenatchee, Washington. As part of the cheer-performance squad "DANA (Differently Abled Nationally Accepted) Dreamers", they have been invited to perform in opening ceremonies and to cheer for the Clark County (that's our county) teams. They look absolutely darling in their uniforms, and they are not pretending, either. They have trophies, and practice weekly quite seriously. My parents who live in eastern WA (the ones from the story yesterday) will see them perform for the first time, too.

Go, Dreamers!

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Aw, man, Juls beat me to it! ("What's the frequency, Kenneth?!")

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteressjaytee

I thought Ken had something that started with "I-m...", so I immediately went with Imagination, " little spark..." aaaand now I'm in my Happy Place with Jen and John in their Figment and Dreamfinder attire.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

SuBee, you naughty minx, you! :-)

I'm guessing Ken was a bakery worker with more information about what was actually SUPPOSED to go on the cake. That's my guess, and I'm stickin' to it. Well, that, or Ken is a spy, and they didn't want to be too revealing on the cake. I love how the bear and monkey are almost taller than the trees -- they look like Godzillas!

And remember -- Music thinks!

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Kenneth knows the frequency, dummy.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDanny

anyone else read "Happy Bichday" on the first one? just me then???

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersam

What is up with that first cake?!?! The roses and leaves look pretty good but the white base looks like a badly spackled wall. And what's with the blue line on the border? Its just haphazardly strewn on the edge and it doesn't match either the blue of the roses or the lettering (which is also a different shade from the roses). Did multiple wreckorators work on this separately?

And, yes, music does think but what it thinks about would make a sailor blush..... which reminds me, I should give Ken a call again. His "information" was amazing.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoeMama

Good luck to the kiddos SarahCVT!

Okay, I'll, bite -- someone please enlighten me. Where is the Kenneth frequency quote come from?

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

If I could, I'd send a cake big enough to have
"Way to Go, Olivia & Maddy! You Rock!" written on it.*

With sprinkles!!

*As we have learned today, that would have to be one huge cake.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

The Kenneth frequency stuff is from the REM song "What's the Frequency Kenneth?" And now it is stuck in my head, too!

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKatR

I think Ken might have some information on why the lion hasn't eaten the monkey yet. Barbie might have something to do with it.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

@Jodi What's the Frequency, Kenneth?" Is a R.E.M. song.
General FYI, I love this site and all the lovely commenters. You guys are my giggle-fest of the day on most days, if it's not a gag inducing day. The latter is pretty hard to induce since I'm a operating room nurse and have actually seen most of the gag cakes in live action.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer from Tenn

Music thinks too much. Sometimes Music should go with its gut.

Why in the heck are a monkey and a lion in a pine forest? Ohhhhh! That's why we need to get with Ken for information. He knows.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie Ken Lee!!!! They even wrote a song about him. I think Mariah Carey sang it.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterOld Marshmallow

Thanks for letting me know about the R.E.M. song guys! I had no idea.

@Sam made me laugh too!.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I think "Ken" was the guy who put that unmarked envelope under the heart shaped rock at the park.... The one you are supposed to pick up, while looking unassuming, at exactly 4:23PM next Tuesday. Being a spy and all that envelope has a lot of information.... if only you could figure out what language it's in. :/ Ken's never been good at translation.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Nautilus

@ SaraCVT good luck to the kids at the event!!! We celebrate with you. Well, at least I do, and I celebrate 3 hours earlier...LOL

I LOVE the title of the spy novel LeighAnn, that got a hearty laugh from me.

Not only are we a total bunch of nerds on here, but, we are also a bunch of great music fans as well!!! Yay! CW WROCKS.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVBeach Alemap

These always crack me up! I really can't believe somebody can mess up that bad! LMBO
But at the same time, I REALLY hope I never see my cakes on here submitted as a "Cake Wreck"! ;-O

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

Before it was a song, "what's the frequency, Kenneth," was a phrase yelled by some crazy person while attacking old time newsy guy, Dan Rather.

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@SaraCVT: Good luck to the Dreamers! Cheering them on here in TX.

Great post as always, Jen! I love my daily dose of Cake Wrecks!

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCJG

"Information" may be code for "weed."

February 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVincent

It is always worse to see a beautifully written, blatantly brain dead message, like this final one. How can someone be so good at the very difficult skill of lettering, and have no brain activity actually going on?

February 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTina Bembry

@SuBee: "Old time newsy guy"? "OLD TIME NEWSY GUY"?!?!?!?

William Randolph Hearst was an "old time newsy guy." Edward R. Murrow was an "old time newsy guy." Dan Rather isn't even dead yet. How did he become "old time"?

Now you kids get off my lawn! I'll just go back to drinking my Ovaltine and listening to my Victrola, thank you very much.

February 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKelseyMH

@SaraCVT, good luck! Can't tell you how awesome it is to meet another Washingtonian here. :D
And my grandma's from Wenatchee! I didn't know they hosted the State Special Olympics. Does it move around from year to year?

I spoke with Ken. He told me to tell you "the spotted cuckoo bird is flying backwards" and "it's a cold day for pontooning."
He said you'd understand.

February 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

I am still wondering exactly what Ken knows and who told him? Lol. The things wreckerators come up with. I fear what goes on in their brains most days. Scary thoughts I am sure hehe.

February 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

@SaraCVT: Congratulations to your Dreamers! How exciting.

February 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

"(Dan) Rather was confronted about 11 p.m. while walking on Park Avenue. When he tried to walk away, he was punched from behind and knocked to the ground. The attacker then chased Rather into a building and kicked him several times in the back...

"The mystery may be solved: Dan Rather has identified the man he says beat him up on the street in 1986 while demanding to know 'Kenneth, what is the frequency?' The CBS anchorman said his assailant was William Tager, now in prison for killing an NBC stagehand outside the Today show in 1994. Tager was convinced the media had him under surveillance and were beaming hostile messages to him, and he demanded that Rather tell him the frequency being used, according to a forensic psychiatrist who examined Tager after the NBC shooting. Rather was told by the psychiatrist, Dr. Park Dietz, that Tager was almost certainly his attacker. The anchorman identified Tager from pictures supplied by the New York Daily News. 'There's no doubt in my mind that this is the person,' Rather said."
--January 1997, Associated Press

February 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBob

Hello, there! I was actually trying to submit a friend of mine's picture of one of her baby shower cakes but couldn't because the link for posting another person's picture isn't working for me. Also, I then tried to use the "contact Jen" link and that wasn't working either. Could someone help me figure out what the problem may be. Thanks!

March 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShawna Q

On October 4, 1986, as DanRather was walking along Park Avenue in Manhattan to his apartment, he was attacked and punched from behind by a man who demanded to know, "Kenneth, what is the frequency?", while a second assailant also chased and beat him. As the assailant pummeled and kicked Rather, he kept repeating the question over and over again. In describing the incident, Rather said, "I got mugged. Who understands these things? I didn't and I don't now. I didn't make a lot of it at the time and I don't now. I wish I knew who did it and why, but I have no idea."

Until the crime was resolved years later, Rather's description of the bizarre crime led some to doubt the veracity of Rather's account, although the doorman and building supervisor who rescued Rather fully confirmed his version of events. The story entered popular lore and remained unsolved for some time. In 1994 the band R.E.M. released the song "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?" on the album Monster. The phrase became the subject of many jokes over the years. Rather was a good sport about it, and actually sang with R.E.M. during a soundcheck prior to a gig at Madison Square Garden, New York, which was shown the following night on the Late Show with David Letterman before their performance of Crush with Eyeliner.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterProfessor Hcireded

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