My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Freaky Friday

I've heard things can get a little creepy in bakeries on Friday the 13th, but I'm sure that's all just in people's heads.

Er... right?




So, um... heh, say, what do you suppose is in this big hump?

I mean, not that I'm worried or anything...


But seriously, WHAT'S IN THE HUUUUMP?


Well, golly, look at the time!

I really must be goAAAAAAAUUUGH!!


Please don't open your eyes, please don't open your eyes, pleasedon'topenyoureyes...

Right. Next time, let's all just stock up on cake by Thursday the 12th, k?


Thanks to Jeremy C., Alana F., Karin K., Nicole B., Rose C., & Anony M. for not including pics of just the eye on a plate. Because I need to sleep again someday.



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Reader Comments (48)

Seven joke? In all seriousness those cakes are nightmare material

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

At the risk of encouraging the wreckerator, I would have to have purchased the bump cake just to find out what really was inside it!

A small mixing bowl?

A face mask?

Matilda the other wreckerator's wallet? Heh heh heh what a great prank! Oh, wait a minute…

The piping bag?

No, I know what it is! Wadded up complaint letters!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDB

#5: Concealed dead varmint cake. Goes well with the curling ribbon (gag).

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterfvb

That last cake....😟😮😓😥😰😨😱AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

What's in the hump, you ask? Haven't you ever seen the programme Monsters Inside Me?

Sweet dreams xxx

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

The last cake needs photoshopped (painted) open eyes on it, stat! (You know. something like this: )

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterlcp

Pretty sure the bump is a cake zit. God knows what will spew out when cut :P

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKimberJ

The dog with the baseball glove is rather well done, isn't it? Well, Friday is close to Sunday.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBea

Tell me one thing... HOW did they get the eyes to open and close like that???

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMargery

Did you know there are Red Room Cakes? As in Red Room of Pain from 50 Shades of Grey? Just google it.

So... are you going to make the Red Room the theme of the next Sunday Sweets??? Because you already did Valentines Day last week.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAisha

I like the last cake as a way of announcing that the recipient's birthday present is a day at a beauty spa. Admittedly I like my mud facials brown, but that would look really creepy.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJane

The dog must be scary on purpose. But I don't see anything creepy about the doll bed.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

That last thing scared the beejeebeez outta me! O.O Pretty sure I'm never sleeping again. Well played Jen, well played!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

In the photo of the Barbie in Bed cake, what exactly is Vermicelli Cream?

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBW

If you saw a baseball glove, you are generous. I saw a pale, bloated human hand that the zombieweenie is nomming on.

And what in the universe is the 2nd cake? I admit to not being up to speed on pop culture and video game references so I'm wondering . . . all I can tell is it appears to be a larger freaky creature consuming a smaller freaky creature. Perhaps an escaped symbiotic laboratory experiment? I'm baffled.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermoonrabbit

Is that first cake supposed to be Meatwad?

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersrand

@Bea, I certainly hope that's a baseball glove the dog is chomping on. It looks more like Stretch Armstrong's hand. Yikes.
In cake #2, is Fozzy Bear eating a leprechaun?

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Pretty darn cool!
@Margery: It's all done with mirrors. Don't tell me you didn't see the mirrors. Go back and look. (It works side to side, as well as up and down.) Keep at it.
The bump/hump is probably just a totally harmless little bakery mouse that crawled under the frosting "blanket" to keep warm. It won't eat much.
I see two things in the 2nd cake: (1) a dog-like creature wearing a beret, dressed all in black, and standing on its hind legs, and (2) a small man all dressed in black, lying down, with a big red hat pulled down over his face...and just ignore the rest of it.
Man, these especially weird today, or is it just me? =^0.o^=


February 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The last head reminds me of this:

I just never thought I'd see it done in cake.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMoon


February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterErica

GAH! It opened its eyes!!! I think I screamed a little. And now the baby's crying. Thanks a lot, Jen!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

What is "vermicelli cream"? Is there pasta in that "no one knows what Barbie's hands are doing under the covers" cake?

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

That gif is evil.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Creepy cakes.....and what is 'vermicelli cream'??????? That's a kind of pasta. Does that mean there's pasta in the batter or the icing?

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

Happy Friggatriskaidekaphobia Day, everyone!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterPurpleRanger

The vermicelli cream can be chestnut paste extruded into noodle shape - vermicelli. That would explain the light brown color of the decorations on the coverlets.
There are lots of green face masks: cucumber, fresh mint, avocado...

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

Cake five, the pink cake, is actually a tribute to and a legacy from a little known French baker from 1484. Quiet, shy, and unsung, this decorator toiled endlessly in the bakery basement, hunched over his small work table, dedicatedly decorating cakes day in and day out, never complaining about the long hours or the cramped conditions. But alas, eventually the confinement took its toll on him, and after years of decorating his back became deformed and he was no longer able to work. His fellow bakers were sad to see him go, and when he retired they created a special cake, the cake you see above, called, in his honor, a Hump Cake. And, as a tribute to his unceasing work, they called the day he left, a Wednesday, Hump Day. But fortune smiled on the baker, and, by pulling a few strings, he was able to get a job at Notre Dame, where he knew the ropes and had some pull, as a bell-ringer.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermel

When you ice a frozen cake and it thaws there is air that comes up under the icing. One of my co decorators thought the cake has spoiled and started throwing them away. I was like Food Lion is going to dock your pay, use a dowel and let the air out. Inset rolling eyes, where do they find these people and why do they give them to me to train?

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

That last cake made me pee a little, thankyouverymuch.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJake

Can I get a hint on what I am seeing on #2 ?? I like to be able to identify my fears!!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKathie

Thanks for posting that last cake. My husband takes great delight in grossing me out so I showed him the facial cake and suggested he scroll down for another view. The blinking startled him so badly he almost fell out of him chair trying to get away, complaining "that is just wrong."

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

What on Earth is the second wreck supposed to be ?!!!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

#1 Ok, obvs supposed to be a football player, simple bad art skills there.

#2 It's supposed to be non-copyright-infringing Smeargle from Pokemon? I don't know. This one seems to be a product of bad art skills + psychoactive drugs.

#3 A...psychopathic dachshund...eating an obese person's hand...?!? Umm, is that supposed be a baseball glove maybe? But why does the dog have such a psychotic expression? "First the glove, then the boy, mwahahaha..." This is a product of good art skills + deep rooted psychological issues involving wiener-dogs & catcher's mitts or morbidly obese people.

#4 Naked Barbie waiting in bed for Ken to get home? Possibly she has gotten tired of waiting & decided to "start without him"? This was caused by mediocre art skills + transference of personal marital problems.

Less explicable in #2 however, is the "vermicelli cream" label. Now, vermicelli is a pasta, the name means "little worms" in Italian -- so called for the fancied resemblance of the short noodles to, well, little worms.
So, is the cream in this cake made from short pasta noodles...or is it made from actual, & presumably small, worms?

#5 What's in the hump? A million dollar question, indeed. I doubt it's a frosting lump. Perhaps a failed attempt at a "belly" cake? Maybe the baker from #2 had to quickly hide his "stash" from the boss, then promptly forgot where he put it...yes, I see the scene now.
Joe Wrecker: *standing beside fondant covered cake, gets out baggie of "'medicinal' herb substance" & starts rolling a "fatty"*
Boss: *enters room*
Joe: *hastily shoves baggie under fondant, starts piping border & thinks to self "act sober, play it straight, act sober"*
Boss: "You almost finished with that one, Joe?"
Joe: "urm...yeah...uhm...just finishing the frosting"
Boss: "Well, I need to check your work, you're on probation after that dog-in-a-beret monstrosity you made last week." *walks over to cake*
Joe: "Gee, I really thought that was a great idea, I can't believe that design didn't catch on with the customers."
Boss: "Mmhmm, sure..." *sees lump on cake* "Ur, Joe. Do you notice anything peculiar about this cake?"
Joe: *inspects cake* "...looks fine to me."
Boss: "Really, are you sure? Maybe you should look more closely..."
Joe: *stands with face 5 inches from cake* "Mm-nope...I got nothin'..."
Boss: "Uh, Joe...You know, I don't mean to embarrass you, but I'm a rather brilliant decorator. Perhaps I can help you with that hump."
Joe: *stares wonk-eyed at boss* "...What hump?"
Boss: *pauses speechlessly* " W-what hu--? Oh, I - I really don't feel well... I'm going to go to the hospital now... I - I think I'm having an aneurism. Joe, whatever you do while I'm away, don't put that pink cake out for it?"
Joe: "Sure..." *thinks to self 'put pink cake out for sale'* "...whatever you say, boss..."

#6 It's a green ninja woman! But why have her eyes clos-- *scrolls to last pic*... GAH! 0.0

@Margery with photoshop/other image editor; it's an animated gif file. ;)

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

I'm sorry, that dog cake looks like a dog made out of spoiled sausage eating a baseball glove made out of badly spoiled bologna. That was the worst one until I got to...the EYES! AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCloudy

As unexciting as it is, the pink bump is just a large air bubble. It can happen when you ice a too cold cake, or one that has not 'settled'. As it comes to room temp, or as the cake compresses a little as it settles, the air shoves out of the cake and gets trapped beneath the buttercream.

Weird fact, it only happens to crusting buttercreams. (The sort with pounds and pounds of sugar)

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKrissy

Why isn't anyone talking about the reflection in the second pink cake?!?! There are three of them!!!!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

(My geek is showing...)
That last GIF is how you look when the weeping angels are near!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

Are there fake eyelashes on that last cake?!

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

The cake with the bump reminds me of a househunting trip when I was six. My younger sister and I were freaked out by one house -- when we looked in the bedroom, the bed was made, but there was a sizeable lump underneath the bedspread. We were convinced it was a body.

February 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDeb

Well that gif at the end will keep me up for weeks now. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK. Lovely evil cakes for the day before Valentine's Day. At least no one did a Jason Vorhees cake.. that I know of.

February 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Oy. Black-eyed kids* weren't bad enough, now we have to have black-eyed cakes.

*Do a search if you're really tired of sleeping. (See what I did there?)

February 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Did anyone else notice the tag in the upper right hand corner of the one pic that said VERMICELLI CREAM??? I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

February 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterIrene A

Awesome @Mel! Lol

February 15, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMountainGirl

When I was scrolling down the page and that last cake 'opened it's eyes' I thought I was having a breakdown.

February 16, 2015 | Unregistered Commentertlbc

What's in the reflection of the 2nd pic of the pink hump cake? Looks like a couple of special toys. :)

March 25, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Jeez, Jen. That last one needs a jumpscare warning. I'm twenty one years old and I just screamed like a b****.

March 30, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterWoad

*Scrolls down to last cake and reads description* "Haha that's funnyAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!"

May 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRhettandlinkgamer

I did a little research, and vermicelli cream is a Swiss creation. It is a chestnut cream that can be pressed into the shape of vermicelli or used as a filling. I think that a previous poster said something about chestnuts.

It was more fun when it seemed patently absurd. Sorry to mess that up.

June 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMary Kay

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