Believe it or not, when you ask the internet to send you pictures, you sometimes get stuff you can't use. ("Wha WHAAA?!" Yes, really.)
So to better help you wrecky minions both take and send CW-appropriate snaps, I've compiled a few common mistakes to avoid.
Please note that every picture I'm about to show you is a real, honest-to-goodness, user-submitted photo from just the past month or so. Welcome to my world.
To Have Your Photo Featured On Cake Wrecks, Please Do Not Send:
Anything too blurry:
Contrary to popular belief, you do NOT have to take the picture while doing sprints and/or jumping jacks.
Anything too small:
That's the actual size of the attachment, y'all.
("What is this? A BLOG FOR ANTS?!!")
Anything obviously homemade:
I know this can be a judgement call sometimes, but I'm talking painfully obvious.
You know, like that Palmolive bottle.
Cakes on ceilings:
Stop hurting our brains, and just walk around the table, dude.
Cakes with absolutely nothing wrong with them:
I've been assured that the purple flowers are all wrong somehow.
Obstructed views taken from halfway across the room:
I've deleted lots of these with the bride and groom completely blocking 3/4 of the cake - which I'm regretting now, since some were just hilariously bad.
Anyhoo, if you're gonna go all paparazzi on a cake, peeps, at least get a decent zoom lens.
Quick tangent: Sometimes I'm forced to leave the house and make small talk with strangers. When this happens, I have one go-to line to describe my day job: "I have seen more fondant genitalia than any one person should ever be subjected to." And it is true.
So, my final "guideline" is this: No shockingly, intentionally obscene cakes.
Unless it's super funny. Then I'll just have John work his censor dot magic on it:
And our sincerest thanks to the many thousands of you who have sent us pictures over the last 7 years.
You guys are awesome.