Yes, my friends, the time draws nigh: a season of love, joy, peace, goodwill towards those who think the same way you do - why, I can almost feel the warm fuzzies building towards critical mass as I type. Won't you join me in a moment of fuzzy-basking?
Ok, enough of that. On to the Wreckage!
Now, while schools and religious and community organizations the world over strive to celebrate all the goodness of the season, bakeries are fighting back the only way they know how: with an unfolding drama of tragedy, anger, and mutation - right there among the rye and pumpernickel.
First, let's set the scene with a nice crackling fire in the ol' fireplace:
See, I know this is a fireplace (and not Mount Vesuvius) because it says "Fireplace" on the cake board. [tapping temple] I'm "smaht" like that.
Next let's meet some of the characters featured in this month's tale of Christmas-gone-wrong:
Ah, here we have the Ghost of Reindeers Past, obviously rendered by a Salvador Dali enthusiast. The gaping hole where his nose used to be reminds us of the fragility of life; the melting ears of how rarely we stop to listen; and the giant red spooge of...uh... how we should always use a napkin after eating? Yeah, let's go with that.
Next there's Snappy, the stitched-together Yuletide monster:
He's made of sugar and spice and will mess your a$$ UP, beeyotches.
Oh, and let's not forget the Turdaphants:
These harbingers of Christmas "cheer" are perpetually puckered up, the better to suck your spirit dry with.
And finally, there's the Big Guy himself:
He just hasn't been the same since he lost his nose in that unfortunate sledding accident. Oh, and best not to let on that you can tell his beard is fake; that's how Rudolph got his trick knee.
Thanks to today's casting agents: Jennifer E., Carly O., Heidi A., Laura F., and Khara K!