Today we come together as a nation to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in the most thoughtful, respectful manner possible...
...while insinuating Irish people are a bunch of drunk leprechauns.
As a person of Irish heritage myself, I'm actually more disturbed by whatever's happening here:
Whatever it is, it is WAY too happy to see you.
[Monty Python voice]: PLAGUE.
Or the fact that green plastic hats somehow make any cake St. Patrick's Day appropriate:
So whether you get your rocks off with that whole kissing thing:
Never to be taken for granite.
Or by asking bakers if they happen to have 6 fingers on their right hand:
Here's hoping you have a delightful St. Patrick's Day, minions.
Now, go enjoy one of these traditional Irish treats:
...while Internet commenters everywhere give their yearly speech on how "St. Patrick wasn't even Irish."
Thanks to Annie & Matt, Abbey R., Tracie F., Anne B., Andrew M., Bekka N., Molly S., & Interweb mansplainers everywhere for the inspiration to drink more.