You're not going to believe this, minions, but Cake Wrecks is nine years old today.
I know, I know; and here we don't look a day over threeth.
Yes, against all odds, through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, Cake Wrecks has fought its way to becoming a veritable dinosaur in the online world.
A dino named Rex, of course.
We've survived national disasters, online controversies, three presidential elections, three book tours (or was it four?), economic downturns, Facebook's soul-crushing algorithm, and that time John accidentally banned Canada. We've spawned memes, tributes, fan wrecks, and Epcot bunkers. We've outlived most - if not all - of our contemporaries, watching in bemused horror while long-standing humor sites died, were bought-out, or were bought-out and then died.
We rejected our own offers, though, because I figure if Cake Wrecks ever goes down, it's going down with me.
And hopefully with less airbrushing.
So here John and I've sat, in our virtual rocking chairs, on our metaphorical front porch, making snarky comments about the allegorical hairstyles of today's whippersnapper websites - and wondering how we can ever hope to top the past nine years.
After a lot of thought, we came up with something.
We decided this year is going to be our best yet - for you AND for us.
So starting next week, we're going to be counting down the Top 312 Cake Wrecks Posts Of All Time. That's right, you'll see the greatest, most hysterical wreckage out of nine years and over 3,000 posts - and on Sundays, the most stunning Sweets.
Now, John's spent the last few weeks ranking and reviewing our entire archives, and let me tell you: I don't remember 80% of these posts, and I'm the one that wrote them. So this will be a wrecky romp down Foggy Memory lane, the Cliff's Notes of Cake Wrecks, the cream of the crop, the best of the best, and bring us screeching into our 10 year anniversary in sweet, wrecktastic style.
All your favorites. All our favorites. All year long.
Not sure what this means (Age gets attacked by Beauty wielding a chainsaw?) but it feels appropriate here.
And THAT is how we top 9 amazing years: By cramming all the highest highs together. By looking back and reliving every laugh-'til-we-pee moment. By saying "HOW did I never see THIS one?" because if *I* don't remember most of these, then you can bet your convoluted cupcake cakes (patooie!) that you won't, either.
John and I will still be here 6 days a week. We'll be active on Facebook, moderating your comments, and of course I'll still be sharing all our non-cake adventures over on Epbot. The only real difference is that, for the next 365 days, every single post you see on Cake Wrecks will be one of our best ever.
I hope you'll stick around. It's gonna be fun.
And thanks to Emily A., Valerie D., Danielle B., & Anony M. for the excellent wreckporting.