Wreck-A-Bye Baby

Sometimes I like to think this blog might have a positive influence on current baking trends. (Oh, stop laughing. A girl can dream.) So, what do you say we mosey on over to a few of our nation's baby showers and see how things are going?

Wonderful!

I mean, sure, "beby" is misspelled, and there's a giant funky headboard thing happening, and the doll is staring at me all creepy-like, but the baby itself is not edible. That's progress, people!

Hey, a lot of those letters are right.

In fact - and feel free to correct me here if I'm wrong - I think "cohgrautions" may be the Canadian spelling.

You might be wondering how many tracts of land they had to search to find these two peas in a pod, or why the baker didn't make the "peas" green. That said, it's not a pregnant torso cake.

Plus it makes me want to start singing "Keep Walking" by the French Peas, so that's a "win" all 'round.

This next one may cause a bit of a flap, but I'll have no truck with such negativity:

After all, nothing drives home the beauty of motherhood quite like a pregnant mudflap girl. Eh? Eh? Am I right?

Well, my friends, I think I've made my point: baby shower cakes are getting better! And all because of me! ME, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!

AHAHAHAAAHAA!! 

BAHAHAHAA...

...huh?

AAAAAUUUGGHH!!

[blink blink]
 
Well.

Back to business as usual, then? 

Thanks to Sose K., Krista M., Susan M., Bob S., & Carly A. for dashing my dreams. You cruel, cruel wreckporters, you.

******

P.S. Watch me un-creepify this post by going from creepy baby cakes to baby beef cakes:

The Buff Baby Rattle

This is hilarious. And a real thing! Amazon helpfully suggested I pair it with the "Do You Even Lift?" baby onesie and now I wish I had a weightlifting friend with a baby to give this to.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Maybe We Should Stick to Baby Blocks And Umbrellas...

I can understand wanting to get more creative with your baby shower designs, bakers, but please, NOT LIKE THIS:

"The rare squiggle-spitting dingle-dangler immobilizes its prey with a unique 'spit net' that some cultures find quite tasty."

At first you think this is just another crocheted baby with exposed brains:

But turn the cake around, and...

...now I'm just really confused.

Did anyone ever show you the trick of making a tiny footprint stamp with the side of your hand? And then you use your fingers to stamp the toes?

Yes?

Well, then, did anyone ever tell you to keep your grubby hands off of other people's food?

Look closely.

In case you need MORE proof that bakers troll this site for "fun new" decorating ideas:

But you'll note there are STILL no air holes.

If that doesn't seem morbid enough for you, though, then how about a one-year-old's head on a tree stump?

I was about to say that at least this isn't a baby shower cake, but then I realized how much worse it is as a one-year-old's birthday cake:

"Look, kiddo! That's YOUR head! Do you like it? Look, I'm slicing off 'your' nose now, haha! Now, how big of a piece of your face do you want to eat? And why are you crying?"

And finally, I keep thinking bakers have reached the pinnacle of creepiness with their torso cakes: from protruding feet to perky nips to Wraith-hand-manicures, but I must say this is a new twist:

"I call it, 'Womb With a View.'"

Thanks to Anony M., Monique K., Cori M., Lyndsay S., Madina S., & Alexandra M. for the labors of... love? Ok, sure. Love.

Update from john- So it turns out the baby head on a stump cake is actually from the sweet, innocent, Slavik fairytale Kolobok.  In said fairytale, a yellow, spherical being (creepy baby head) becomes animated and escapes from its grandparents. (I'm still trying to figure out how a newly-animated spherical being even has grandparents.) In the end, like so many other sweet, innocent fairytales, the creepy baby head is eaten by a fox. So, ya know, not creepy at all. Sleep tight, kids!

*****

P.S. I found the perfect shirt for the next time you go to a baby shower:

Punctuation Saves Lives

:D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: