My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Labor of Love

Sure, you could go with rubber duckies and baby blocks, but that's sooo last decade. Today's shower cakes are all about the biology of baby-making: tasty and educational!


And while you're at it, why not congratulate dad, too?


Of course, mom also did her part:

Whoah, whoah, whoah! TMI, Dad, TMI!


You could even illustrate the whole process with the aid of disturbing plant analogies:

Raise your hand if you're going to have nightmares about daisies sprouting Alien-style from your midsection tonight. Anyone? Anyone? Just me? Alrighty, then.


Granted, the process doesn't always start exactly the same way:

Thank goodness that cup is labeled. Otherwise, we'd have some concerned coffee drinkers on our hands right about now.


And what does all this love math equal?

(No, your eyes do not deceive you: that IS a Fetal Bite cookie in that there uterus cake. Excellent.)


And that brings us to the Big, Life-Changing Moment!



Yep, I'm changed for life.


Casey D., Heidi D., Hillary M., Kristin J., Jess, Shari W., & Tiffany D., when you're ready to have "the talk" with your kids, feel free to come back here for visual aids.


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Reader Comments (48)

Some people have no class, although the first sperm cake is kind of cute

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

When I saw the head shoving it's way out of the "peapod" in the Plant Analogies cake, my knees snapped together with so much fear that I might have to start hopping everywhere like a land-mermaid.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

Sung to "Nobody Does it Better"

Nobody does it better.
Glad they chose sperm and not breasts
Nobody else puts goggles on their sperm
Jeanette, you're the best.

Want to stop looking, but these cakes astound me
I tried to hide from the sprout sight
But Heaven's above, gee
That sperm in her coffee
Is keeping me from sleeping well tonight

A cookie PLUS cake is better
I'd agree if I could
At least they left out shiny labor goo
Did they catch the baby? Good.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

"visual aids"...

In my happy place, those two words never made me think of a disease...

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Re. plant-analogy-cake - is it just me, or is it really hard to figure out what the middle graphic represents, but then when you DO figure it out, it becomes INSANELY DISTURBING. flowers should not GROW FROM THERE. NO.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine

Cakewrecks....a source of entertainment AND birth control! Well done!

I love how the little spermies are standing up at attention on the lady plus cuppa sperm cake, eagerly awaiting the call!

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Flaming cup of sperm. Best band name ever.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJessica H

Well, what can one expect from a site named "stupid dot com"?! I was curious enough to be stupid myself and check it out. That's 15 seconds of my life that I'll never get back. The 5th one down is one helluva "cup"; looks more like K-Don't Tell's new "Kauldron-O'Kiddie Juice" to me...

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That next to the last one looks like a bed pan

very disturbing

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterroobarb

I'm so glad we have Jen to interpret the images on the cakes for us. I thought the "coffee cup" was supposed to be a piece of sushi and I couldn't quite work that into the theme.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Just curious: Does Kristin really have to be TOLD to catch that baby? I mean, years from now, would it be like, "Well, good thing we had that cake or Hunter here would have ended up on the floor!"

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Why not just have a cake of two people going at it? Awwww, it's such a special moment we all should share in...WITH CAKE???!!!!! And, BTW, do you really want a bunch of ladies in a social setting eating frosting sperm together? Ack! What are baby showers "coming" to these days?

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

The first two sperm cakes are kind of cute...the writing on them not so much.

The rest - *shiver*

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

Shamefully, I must admit I find the second cake incredibly cute.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAthena

Well, I may someday have kids, but to be sure this (and some more personal experience with hosting/participating in them) has driven me off of the thought of ever having a baby shower. me stuff, drop it off, and be done.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChanel

@ Sharyn: Speaking (or singing) of "catching" the baby-I was SO naive/clueless when I had my first that when the doctor asked me who I wanted to have "catch" the baby, I was scared silly and told him he wasn't going to throw him to ANYone. :-(

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I thought first cake was a variation on the stork-bringing-the-baby theme. Some of those *ahem* little guys look more like little ghosts. . .
All of these cakes make me ask "WHY?" Who would want one? More importantly, who would decorate them? Bet that's an awkward conversation with your mom: "You made WHAT kind of a cake for the baby shower?"

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterO. Laun

*insert horrific joke about sperm on cake and swallowing*

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

To make babycakes,
it just takes some "flour," "sugar,"
a little "leaven" . . .

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

The second cake is decorated with depictions of condoms and safety pins, right?

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAviatrix

Ode to Sperm

O swimming spermatozoa,
You know just where to go-a,
You’re in the baby-making heat,
You’re the leader, the one to beat.
Even though you’re very horny,
You’ve got to take a long, long journey,
250 million start the race,
But only one will win first place.

Through the vagina, over its walls,
There are many stumbles, many falls.
That lubricant you thought would help
Causes many sperm to holler and yelp.
And then there’s acid after you,
What can the helpless sperm now do?
In thirty minutes, more or less,
99% are dead, left in a loser’s mess.

On to the cervix, up ahead,
But will it be open, or, you dread,
Sealed up tight with a mucus plug
To keep you out, like an unwanted bug,
If that is so, you’re journey’s done,
You’ll die right there; end of the run.

Your only chance is ovulation,
(Let’s give that, folks, a standing ovation)
Estrogen will save the day
And help you continue on your way,
Creating paths for you to follow,
Filled with energy for you to swallow
To give you strength to move ahead,
But still there is so much more to dread.
Inside the cervix many false routes
Will help to thin your numbers out,
It’s like a maze that ends in death,
But continue on, take a breath.
You’ve made it through,
You’re in the one percent,
Now on to the egg,
To make that dent.

But to find the right fallopian tube
Might be like solving the Rubik cube.
Left or right, which way to go?
Muscular contractions will help you flow
Towards the entrance you do seek,
But still this journey’s not for the weak,
For up ahead, you’re in the sights
Of the immune system’s leukocytes.
The battle will be swift and bloody
Only some survive, there’s you and your buddy.

One more obstacle to negotiate
You’ve got to get through the fallopian gate,
If you don’t meet the body’s test
You have found your final rest.
Yet, you are safe, you are through,
One of the very lucky few.

In the fallopian tube at last
And for a moment in splendor bask,
Take a rest, get nourishment,
For this place gives you encouragement.
Wait to notice the egg’s special smell
For where it’s at, that scent will tell,
And off you go to find that egg
For this is the race’s final leg.
And then you’re there,
You’ve reached the prize,
So to the occasion you do rise.
What’s your award for surviving the slaughter?
You’ve help create a son or daughter.

(Thanks to The Great Sperm Race, parts 1-6, an absolutely fascinating and creative look at fertilization, on YouTube)

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNom D'Plume

@Fluffy Cow, you're hilarious. Gotta love those eggie-weggies and spermie-wermies (especially the ones in swim goggles)! o.O

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

Great timing on this post....Last Thursday we found out we are expecting our third child. Six years after our last one was born (no, not an "accident" and we are pretty excited), so I no longer have any baby stuff, and I'm sure someone is going to want to throw me a shower. I will be terrified now of the cake. Thank you for giving this pregnant lady the heebie jeebies.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCrissyanna

@Fluffy Cow: The dryer repair guys are supposed to be here very soon, and I'm sitting here gigglesnorting. I have to calm down, or else I'll have to explain. ;-)

I would MUCH rather have one of the first two cakes than any of the last three. I mean, eeeewwwwwww. Especially that flaming rainbow thing. There's nothing you can write on that cake to make it better, except maybe "DON'T LOOK!!!"

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I learn that there are "Fetal Bite" cookies. Ugh. Cannibalism at its finest.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Re: "plant analogy cake": Our grandmother used to tell my brother that his ears were so dirty he could growe potatoes in them. Is the daisy growing 'there' sort of the same thing, horticulurally speaking?

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternanalettie

I am puzzled by these references to catching the baby. Do mothers in the US give birth perched on a ladder? All my 3 children were born on a bed. No one had to catch them. The last cake looks as though the mother were being asked to catch the baby, which is asking a lot when you're in labour.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

Uh, Can we go back to the Sunday cakes? You know, class, beauty, less anatomy....No. They are called Wrecks for a reason. Well, shoot.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Dear Bakers of the World:
ENOUGH ALREADY with the graphic Coitus Cakes! I'm with @Sandy. . . I just to ooh and agh about the tiny clothes, and then eat a noneducational cake. No more sperm (labeled or otherwise) or anatomical cross-sections!

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM

The first cake is kinda cute but as I scrolled down I became more and more scared.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

Sooooo, do these people not realize that their kids may one day see these cakes?!? And does it bother anyone else out there that these people are actually REPRODUCING?!? People who choose to celebrate the miracle of life with sperm/crotch cakes??? Oy Vey...I can see the PTA meetings to come...SMH!!!

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Is it just me, or does the pea pod in the plant analogy look a little, er, gynaecological? Though with that colour, a quick trip to the docs might be in order.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAussie tree

I think the goggled sperm is adorable! Looks cute enough to be the lead character in an animated movie!

But that last cake--the expression in the baby's eyes cracks me up!

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Re Cake #2: I can just see some poor scientist, offering up his microscope to his colleague with a pale face, "You're never going to believe what THESE spermatazooa look like, Bill...but the bigger question may be where they got them."

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

@Crissyanna: Congratulations!

The need for such disturbing visual reminders on the 'Catch' cake makes me thing Forrest Gump has a twin sister who became a midwife.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Upon a second look, that 'Catch' cake looks like it contains a hidden Mickey! See it? Under the shroud.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

@Just Andrea: if this is Mickey being born, I hope his ears are not at full. . . . Extension.

Otherwise, ow. Owowowowowowowowow.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I surely can't be the only one who is eternally grateful that the last cake actually has a sheet/gown/nightie/something instead of looking like it belongs in an Obgyn textbook.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAKA Mum

I like the last cake. But that's probably because I've decided it isn't from a baby shower. It's from a party congratulating Kristin on her new job as a delivery room nurse at Erlanger Hospital.

And the sperm with goggles is adorable.

As for the others -- either pick a revolting theme or execute the cake badly. Doing both is just showing off.

February 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJane

I HAVE had "the talk" because of Cake Wrecks.
It was a uterus cake post.
My daughter asked "what's that."
We covered female anatomy.

Thanks Jen"¿.

(Nathan Fillion said that ¿ was the the sign for sarcasm so it Must be true)

February 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Who on earth makes the cookie cutters for the fetus?? Lol man I knew weird shaped everything is out there but those are just surprising to me for some reason. On to the horrid nightmares tonight..yikes.

February 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

In the daisy cake, what exactly is that baby name? Kachen? Scarring the kid before he's ok'd enough to see photos of his baby shower cake....

February 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

"daisies sprouting Alien-style from your midsection" reminds me of a story I once read on Snopes, but I will let you all look up "potato pessary" on you own.

February 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

@Craig Where is the "unsee" machine?

February 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEla

That sperm with the goggles on cake #2 is actually from a very sweet book:

The writing though? No, just no.

February 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterIna

Ela, I clearly need to make more.

All this time, I thought a stork was involved, when the real story involves a cast iron crucible. Hoping to be brought similarly up to speed on how King's Cakes are made -- it's been a while, and I may have forgotten a few details.

On the goggle cake, I immediately went to Jason and the Argonauts. No? I'll be in the lab, then.

February 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@ Aviatrix... ha ha, the 3rd cake is decorated w/safety pins, shoes, and rattles... not condoms! :)

@ Michelle... I believe the baby's name in the pea pod is Kaden. :)

February 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKami

The plant analogy cake is actually a friends baby shower cake and I tgink her Mom made it. I'm not sure who submitted it but I'm glad to know I am not the only person who thought it belonged here! Lol

February 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNatty

A friend sent me the link to this blog today. I can not tear myself away! I am laughing so hard! How would anyone eat that first cake? I mean WHAT are they swimming in? ewwwwwwww....

February 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbrizkymom

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