Bad Giraffe! BAAAAD!

When your last name is Hammer, there's really just one way to nail a baby shower cake.

And that way...

...is NOT LIKE THIS.

Aw, crap.

Still, at least everyone can get a chuckle over sh*tty "hamer"s. Imagine being the only one at a baby shower to see something wrong with this cake topper - which, incidentally, ALSO involves nailing things:

o.0

Er, look, I realize my mind's in the gutter often enough to sprout legs and start scurrying, but seriously... HOW DID THE BAKER NOT SEE THIS?

Ahem.

Quick palate cleanser: look how pretty!

(By Sweet On You Cakes)

Aaaand back to reality:

Oh, BABY.

Almost makes you long for the days of hammer logs and randy giraffes, eh?

Thanks to Elizabeth H., Emily S., & Robin D. for the capital wreckage.

*****

P.S. Something about this post reminded me of those shiny blue balls that keep your produce fresh. Have you seen these?

Blueapple Freshness Saver Balls

Just pop one in your crisper drawer and the other in your fruit bowl, and these will absorb the ethylene gas that quickens ripening, so all your fruits and veg stay fresh longer. Seems like witchcraft, I know, but go check the thousands of rave reviews: apparently they really work!

5 Times It Didn't Pay To Be Polite

Some people think common courtesy is dead. To these people I say, "Hey, do you mind? I CAN'T HEAR THIS PHONE CONVERSATION OVER THE MOVIE WHILE YOU'RE SHUSHING ME."

(Yes, I'm joking.)

(I have exceptionally good hearing.)

And bakers, it seems, are especially bewildered by a simple "please" or "thank you:"

Aww, it's almost sad; the baker missed her own thanking!

I say "almost" sad because after you realize how often this happens...

It gets kinda funny.

Text reads: "Happy Birthday Melissa! Thank you much."

This "thank you" threw the baker SO badly she tried to cope with random question marks:

Happy Birthday Barbara!?
?Thanks!

You can almost picture her writing this, sobbing, "What does it mean? WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEAAN???"

And if you use BOTH "please" and "thank you" there's a real chance you could do permanent damage to your baker. So please, be responsible. Don't let this happen:

Then again, that's no excuse to be rude, either.

And trust me, it doesn't help anyway:

Thanks to Nicole P., Stephanie R., Melissa S., Nathan B., Lindsay W., & J.R. for being so easy to please.

*****

P.S. Since this saved my butt during a long painting day recently, I have a random product recommendation:

No Buckle No-Show Stretch Belt

This is my new favorite belt, y'all. It basically turns anything with belt loops into an elastic waist. So comfy I forget it's on, slimline so it doesn't show under my t-shirts, and NO BELT BUCKLE to dig into my belly or unbuckle for bathroom breaks. Woohoo!

You know how stretch jeans are forever sliding down when you sit or bend, so you have to keep hitching them back up? No more! I wear this with all my jeans now. It's entirely elastic, so it moves and stretches with you, zero painful digging. I HIGHLY recommend for anyone well endowed with squish in the belly area.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: